Friday, October 31, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: Hi, im Kimberly
bgddy24601: hello Kimberly, I am Lothar, of the Hill People
odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: i moved here from outta town, Christina gave me ur info
bgddy24601: Christina is good woman. Wide birthing hips. Do you have wide birthing hips?
odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: I hope that was ok, she said u were allot of fun
bgddy24601: I am fun. I provide meat and shelter to many concubines.
odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: Hey a few friends of ours are gonna meet up this week, wanna come with?
bgddy24601: If there are any other males there, I will smite them to prove my dominance and alpha status.
odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: Hi, im Stephanie
bgddy24601: hello Stephanie. Do you come with Kimberly? Lothar is a fan of multiple partners.
odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: i moved here from outta town, Alyssa gave me ur info
bgddy24601: Alyssa displeased me so I had her beheaded. I kept her corpse on my wall as a warning to others not to get too lippy with Lothar
odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: I hope that was ok, she said u were allot of fun
bgddy24601: I am more fun than beheaded former concubines who talk too much and are unable to provide me with a male heir.
odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: Hey a few friends of ours are gonna meet up this week, wanna come with?
bgddy24601: I will gladly take both you, Kimberly, and all other fertile women you have at your disposal.
odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: check out my profile www.%6c%6fnl%65%79-h%6frney%2dwi%76%65%73.%63om let me know if u wanna join us
bgddy24601: LOTHAR MUST BREED PRODIGIOUSLY!!!!!!
odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: im tired of my toys, wanna come play with me www.%64i%73c%72e%74%2do%6e%65%2dni%67%68t.com
bgddy24601: I do not play. I win.
odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: To remove your Yahoo! ID visit http://affiliatediamond.net/unsubscribe.asp
bgddy24601: I will visit nothing. You will bring your willing flesh to Lothar!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Which is being caused by THIS...
Monday, October 27, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Narrow-Face has spent the better part of the last hour and 9 minutes (whenever she wasn't on the phone) wishing EVERYONE in here "TGIF Everybody!" then looking rather smug at how witty she is.
I have been known to have "A Case of the Mondays" from time to time. But I might have the first ever case of the Fridays. And if the situation doesn't rectify itself, and that right soon, I might have a case of justifiable homicide. I can just see myself walking around like DeNiro saying "Part. Of. A. Team."
Why oh why did I leave my Louisville Slugger at home?
To make it even more clear, we are in the midst of a GLOBAL recession. Markets are spiraling down around the world, stock futures are not being allowed to be traded, and the NYSE might even have to put the brakes on trading altogether for the 1st time since 1997. Why am I telling you all of this (when odds are you already know all of this)?
Because THIS is the climate that Towson Town Center decided to use as the backdrop to open their "high end luxury wing".
For those too lazy to read the article, here are the highlights:
- Burberry, Pottery Barn and Crate & Barrel opened in the new wing yesterday
- Louis Vuitton and apparel retailer Lacoste will open next summer
- Restaurants P.F. Chang's and the Cheesecake Factory also began serving yesterday
- Some analysts say they have heard that Tiffany's is considering moving to the mall
- Other stores that have opened or will open soon are Sephora, BCBG Max Azria, Bose, Fossil, Lucky Brand and Martin + Osa
All bullet points are directly copied and pasted from the article. Any misspellings / incorrect information is solely the responsibility of the fact checker of the Baltimore Sun.
Now I know I am not, nor have I ever been one of those affluent people that buys overpriced, useless crap because of the label on / in it. I am one of those middle class people that buys decently priced / sale priced useless crap without giving a crap about the name on the label. But THESE two people make me shake my head...
Maria Lugl, a Towson homemaker whose husband is an architect, bought two clutches from the Coach store, a pair of designer jeans from Martin + Osa and a slipcover from Pottery Barn. She's happy she soon won't have to travel as far for the brands she likes."The guys at the Louis Vuitton store in Chevy Chase are going to miss me," the 29-year-old said. Angela Lang, who was carrying a Burberry purse yesterday, said she likes upscale stores but it's difficult to travel too far for shopping with her 5-year daughter and 2-year-old son."We've been waiting for great shopping for a long time," said 33-year-old Lang, who lives in Fork. "I'm anxious to see what else is coming."
You know what I am anxious to see coming? The bottom of the stock plunge, so I can know if I should wipe my mouth with my latest 401K breakdown, or if I should just wipe my ass with it. THAT would be nice to know.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:30:08 PM): rumblesnort. yes.
ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:30:09 PM): hey, whats going on êÇþâÉ
bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:30:39 PM): ...depends. ulysses maxwell is kind of a dude-sounding name
ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:30:40 PM): i got ur info from Alyssa,ÁäÌ´i hope u dont mind
bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:31:05 PM): holy shit, how the hell is alyssa? You know she stood me up for a date tomorrow
ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:31:06 PM): I just moved here last week,ìøý§Áand im looking to meet some new people
bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:31:32 PM): well ulysses, I am sure there are "alternative" groups out there that would cater to your needs
ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:31:33 PM): she said you were cool,ÂøûÔÆso u wanna meet up? grab a drink... have a lilil fun
bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:32:01 PM): umm...dude? seriously, I'm flattered, but my gate don't swing that way, ya dig?
ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:32:03 PM): i got my pix and info here Îµ³¦http://www.%64i%73c%72%65t%2d%6f%6e%65-ni%67h%74.com check it out, shoot me a message if u think i'm cute
bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:32:24 PM): you are a persistent bugger (pun intended), ain'tcha?
ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:32:25 PM): ®¦éIm looking to get a lilÊÇÄ¹Öcrazy this week u should come join us°ÕêÏ°http://www.lon%6cey%2dhorn%65y%2dw%69%76es%2e%63%6f%6d
bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:32:45 PM): ...
ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:32:46 PM): To remove your ID visit http://affiliatediamond.net/unsubscribe.asp
bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:33:10 PM): I am not removing ANYTHING with you around. I don't think that you would respect my personal space.
Friday, October 17, 2008
- Gay Drink Night (details still forthcoming), and
- the next Drop 3 Show (November 15th. Reserve your seats now and beat the rush. You know you wanna come see the fun. Why fight it?)
...when, a few minutes after the conversation had wrapped up, Narrow Face came over (with a disregard for personal space rivaled only by JabberJaws herself) and asked me if I had been talking about getting people from the office together for drinks and was it the whole office and yadda yadda yadda.
Here's a news flash for ya, sweetie... IF I WANTED TO INVITE YOU TO SOMETHING I WILL FREAKING INVITE YOU! I WAS TALKING TO THE PEOPLE THAT I WANTED TO TALK TO ABOUT IT! IF YOU REALLY WANT TO PUSH IT YOU WILL FIND OUT EXACTLY WHY YOU WERE NOT ORIGINALLY INCLUDED IN THE CONVERSATION!
So I told her that I was discussing a number of things and that my comedy show and drinking afterwards was a part of it. And that more information will be made available to the entire office when the time comes. Until then speak when spoken to, tyvm.
I brought lunch in today, but all of this is going to drive me right into the sweet embrace of Polock Johnny.
Spaghetti Sauce (she's pregnant. Or Prego...) just waddled past my desk and dropped off an order form for her daughter's school fund raiser (from the sounds of things, her husband and her are hardcore Catholics, at least when it comes to birth control. I don't know about anything else, but I am glad neither of them are drummers in a band, because they have no method for keeping rhythm). Yes, I have been working here for just under 3 weeks and already I have to buy some freaking candle for some ankle biter that I will (in all likelihood) never meet, but who will, in absentia, be selling me useless shit on average of 2-3 times per semester (why the hell they have to charge so much for private school when they are selling some damn thing every other week as a fund raiser is beyond me. With the way they sell crap on a regular basis the damn kids should get some kind of stipend or commission for all of their hard work. Except for the fact that the parents do all the damn work...).
So I will be waiting patiently for my apple nut muffin scented candle. And silently cursing the skies for not sending me to an office full of sterile women.
4 PM can NOT come soon enough for me.
Yes, these is how my brain works.
cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:39:54 PM): hey u there iusih
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:40:08 PM): hey back
cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:40:09 PM): hi bgddy24601 how r u ? i'm Jennifer «ž´ý³
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:40:18 PM): hi jennifer. call me ron
cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:40:20 PM): âê¸¡•i hope u dont mind i got ur info from Alyssa
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:40:34 PM): how is good old alyssa doing, anyway?
cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:40:35 PM): I just moved here from outta town,Ë¬Ú·Éshe said u were cool people
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:40:53 PM): well if anyone would know, it would be someone I don't know and have never met
cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:40:54 PM): ¥ÒäÏãr u busy this week?ÕÖ¥”íwe should meet up grab a drink... have alil fun
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:41:16 PM): do you like daquaris? did I spell daquari right?
cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:41:17 PM): i got my pix and info here ¡öÔáÉhttp://www.d%69s%63%72et-%6fn%65%2d%6ei%67ht%2eco%6d check it out, shoot me a message if u think i'm cute
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:42:16 PM): but your link scares me. I fear it will lead me, neo-like, out of the safety of this matrix I call "websites that don't eat my hard drive"
cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:42:17 PM): ›ÎÇÇÂIm looking to get a lilÖÂ·‘úcrazy this week u should come join us¨õ¦åÂhttp://www.%64is%63r%65%74%2d%6fne-%6ei%67h%74.c%6fm
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:42:54 PM): is that a different site? the address looks different. I don't know if I can remember all of that to type it in the address bar
cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:42:56 PM): hi bgddy24601 how r u ? i'm Laura íÔÒÍÚ
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:43:21 PM): you're Laura now? What happened to Jennifer?
cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:43:22 PM): ªàïË¿i hope u dont mind i got ur info from Brittany
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:43:34 PM): Brittany? Is Alyssa dead?!?!?
cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:43:36 PM): I just moved here from outta town,ÀàñÍŸshe said u were cool people
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:43:59 PM): who did? Alyssa? Laura? I am so confused now...
cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:44:01 PM): Áéí¢Ór u busy this week?ÀøóÜýwe should meet up grab a drink... have alil fun
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:44:33 PM): but I already have plans with Jennifer for this weekend. Are you free Tuesday?
cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:44:34 PM): i got my pix and info here µ¥«—žhttp://www.%6conl%65y%2dho%72ney-w%69%76%65%73.%63%6fm check it out, shoot me a message if u think i'm cute
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:45:08 PM): and now it is a third address? I feel dizzy. Mayhap I should lay down for a bit
cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:45:09 PM): ³Ý•çËIm looking to get a lilÀßžÂ³crazy this week u should come join usÃþ ììhttp://www.dis%63r%65%74-one-%6e%69%67h%74%2ec%6f%6d
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:45:32 PM): why won't you just give me a straight answer?!? WHO ARE YOU!?!?!?!?!
cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:45:34 PM): To remove your ID visit http://affiliatediamond.net/unsubscribe.asp
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:45:54 PM): affiliated diamond? Sounds like a bad band name
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:46:08 PM): hello?
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:46:14 PM): why did you leave me?
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:46:29 PM): I am oh so ready to get together for a drink
bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:46:48 PM): did you think the daquari thing was too gay? I can order a whiskey sour!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
...with a second, voire dire sized serving of...
I just went to the restroom, and when I AGAIN felt the phantom presence on my right nipple I, while under the cover of being alone in the bathroom, reached down into my shirt, basically copping a feel of myself. And that is when I discovered it.
It was fresh, clean laundry that I put on. How can I guarantee that it was equal to an Outkast song title? I reached down into my upper torso region and pulled a dryer sheet out.
So if nothing else, for the rest of the day, my right nipple is going to be ALL KINDS of April fresh. And at least I got THAT going for me. Which is nice.
Monday, October 13, 2008
I have bad feet and legs (long time readers know all about this). Because I had not given any thought to my choice of footwear when I was
- Working on the truck myself, or
- Driving it to the repair shop
I did not put on shoes that were conducive to walking. After about a mile my feet hurt to the point of not really wanting to keep them anymore. I went into the local High's store and got a cold lemonade (they were out of ice in the soda machine. It was quickly turning into THAT kind of day). I grabbed my cell phone and started to call a cab (yup, I was ready to be gouged in order to get home before I cut my feet off like a wolf in a steel trap). I was on hold, listening to JACK-FM for about 10 minutes when I said "screw it" and hung up. I found another bus stop about 100 feet away and limped over there and sat in the shade of a lovely tree and drank some lemonade. I figured that the buses were running every 90-120 minutes and I was just going to wait it out.
Of course, I did have to pee like a racehorse...
I called Wifey to update her on my own, self inflicted Bataan Death March and the early termination of my Ghandi-esque day when the bus came along, shining in all of its diesel fueled glory. I got home in about 20 minutes.
So the Saturday move was shot. I waited in vain for the repair shop to call me Saturday to at least let me know if I was going to be able to go to work Sunday afternoon, but never heard back from them. Wifey emailed the Sunday move and let them know of our predicament. Finally, they called me. Sunday morning. At 9:30. They were just getting to it, but did I also want to get the engine / fuel cleaning, usually $149.99 on sale this week for $89.99?
No thanks, just go for the plugs and let's move on.
The car is done, Larry (who came home a day early from the camping trip for reasons that I will let him reveal in the comments section if it pleases him to do so) gives me a ride up there and I get my truck back. At last, I feel whole again.
So of course the check engine light comes back on while driving home last night, and I still feel some hesitation when accelerating / driving at highway speed. I am going to take it to a DIFFERENT shop and see what happens. One recommended by AAA (and that apparently gives a 25% discount to first time customers who have AAA with presentation of the card, no coupon needed. HUZZAH!
Why did I tell you ALL OF THIS? Because it resulted in me doing something that has made me feel a little conflicted.
I mentioned how bad my feet were hurting, and that they are not in the best of conditions to begin with. Because I wear the old man socks (compression stockings), they don't get a lot of air / sun. And they calluses on my soles are reaching sovereign nation status. Wifey has been after me for a long time to soak my feet and do all that pampering stuff that just goes against my DNA. But after the day I had, I broke down and asked Wifey to set me up for a soakin'.
It took a couple of hours (I tried to balance out the situation by drinking canned domestic beer and watching college football, but it still felt weird to have my tootsies soaking in warm to hot water with Epsom salts and God only knows what else she puts in there to make her feet feel so luxurious. She handed me a "pumice stone" for to wear down the calluses every so often, as the water made them soft enough to wear down. I am pretty sure that my shoe size went down by a whole half step by the time I was done. And then I had to rub Vitamin E oil all over them (which almost went too far for me). And what was the end result?
The next morning I looked at my feet and they actually looked like HUMAN feet for the first time in years. By that I mean that before this past Saturday, if you had happened to look down and see my feet without the old man socks, you would have probably thought they were a combination of Fred Flintstone and Frodo's feet. But combine the fact that I couldn't change my own damn spark plugs (and after all of that the problem is not all the way solved) with the fact that I spent a couple of hours (ON A SATURDAY NIGHT no less) soaking my feet and "pumicing the calluses away", and you have yourself one highly conflicted guy. I am by no means a "metrosexual" (do they still use that term? I know Mike and Mike were awfully fond of the term back in the day, but I don't listen to them regularly, and also I am not relying on them to be the arbiters of popular slang), but I might have moved a few miles from the city towards the metro / suburban area.
So at least I moved SOMEONE this weekend.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
I have my first enemy (or at least, the first person that I am going to have to start making snarky, pithy comments about here in regards to the new and improved interactive Office Space). I tried to find a picture that I thought would do her justice, but there was not anything that struck my fancy. So instead, I have decided to name her in a way that invokes the best of Dick Tracy's Rogue's Gallery...
...I am convinced that her left eye is in the right socket and the right eye is in the left socket. It is scary, especially since her profile just shows a slightly larger and pointier than normal nose. But once she is facing you...
Anyway, she is officially on the list because she has some traits from some of my favorite people to bitch about from Kernan. To wit...
- Likes to say "Smuckers" in lieu of saying "shit", reminicent of Asian Mustard Lady's "Sugar Honey Iced Tea"
- Has that annoying habit of liking to talk a lot (not nearly as much as Jabberjaws, but still it is an annoying habit to have. And to top it off she likes to play the local "Jack" station and sing along.
- And to make it that much better, she has an accent straight from the Bel-Loc Diner by way of Middle River, and her voice is on the nasally side to boot (of course, after seeing that nose and the way her entire face is being sucked towards it like it has some extra gravitational pull - maybe there is a Large Hadron Collider in her nasal cavity? - and her tone is not surprising)
There are other things that I am sure are going to come out in the wash, like her prediliction towards wearing those top / bottom combos that kind of look like pajamas, with the thin, not quite sweatpant material for the pants and the top is usually kind of gaudy (today is kind of subdues, gray bottoms and gray with white polka dots for the top). Also, she doesn't understand a basic concept of fast food (or retail in general). If you choose a value meal (or some kind of value pack), you cannot use a coupon for a free sandwich, unless you are buying an additional sandwich. It is already discounted, you don't get ANOTHER discount.
I have always been annoyed when peoplpe cannot grasp that simple concept.
I gotta go grab some lunch. Be back later (or tomorrow, hopefully)
Monday, October 06, 2008
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Yes, there is a Polock Johnny's right down the street from my new office.
I HAVE to fill you in on my new office. Once I start working here more often (this is the first day that the software that I need to do my job has been operational here, so it is the first day I have been here for more than an hour and a half), I will let you know. Currently I am working on nicknames.
I do have to apologize for not updating at all in the last week or so, the changeover (and extra commuting from home to office to old office) has been EXTRA fun, so I have been extra swamped. However, C3PO the Robot Translator Lawyer mentioned last night that he has been looking for an update, and since he is fluent in free legal advice (and snark) in over 6 million different forms of communication, I have to keep him on my good side. Besides, he usually laughs at my jokes, and he makes one hell of a grilled meal. And whenever he comes over he brings beer and pie. And honestly, if you come to my house bearing beer and pie, you will be welcomed. If Charles Manson came to my door with a pecan pie in one hand and a 12 pack of Yeungling in the other, I would helter his skelter right in the house and let him have a conversation with the dog while I feasted.
One problem with the setup here as opposed to Kernan, the cubicles are much more like prefabricated housing along a thoroughfare than an actual area of cubicles. I am currently facing a wall, with my back to the walkway. Those that are across from me are looking into open space, with THEIR backs to the same pathway. The problem is that there is not nearly the same amount of cover / subterfuge available for one such as me who would like to release a little steam from the rear port area (I used to keep a bottle of Febreeze at my desk in case I thought it was getting too bad). Now I have to hold it in.
I might look a little bloated the next time you see me.