Monday, November 24, 2008

Today's Mood Is...

It is about 3 days until the big Thanksgiving Holiday, the first holiday that Wifey and I have hosted for the family. And since I have been at work more than usual to cover the fact that we are 2 people down at Bullseye Inc., Wifey has had to do way beyond the lion's share of the preparing (with an assist from Momm-o-in-law). So she is obviously frazzled, which is imminently understandable. But still, please to be explaining THIS one...
The laundry room i dogs have been walare the last of the clothes,
...That is NOT from some random IM spammer like in previous entries. That was a copy and paste from a posting by Wifey.
I will award 1000 (yes, you read that correctly, one THOUSAND) points to the person who can come up with the best translation of that sentence. Bonus points if you can do it in Iambic pentameter with rhyming couplets.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Getting reminded of things

I am AT Bullseye Inc. right now (I am not supposed to have access to teh intarwebs, but one of the managers left their log in on the computer so I am abusing my privileges right now. Deal with it Corporate Overlords!). I just ran into an old college friend,who I decided I would still talk to even if he DID have on a Redskins hat. The reason I am giving him this mulligan is that he had the "R" covered up by a big pink button that said "It's a GIRL!".

Yup, he just became a Daddy. Again. For the second time.

For THAT I am willing to forgive a lot of bad team apparel choices.

The thing that got me is, I took him over to the MEGA-OVER-LORD COFFEE COMPANY (3 guesses which company THAT is) while he was waiting for his pictures of the newly swaddled one to be developed, and as we talked about the college chums we had spoken to recently and what was happening in THEIR lives, and what was happening in ours...well I suddenly had a flash of him and I taking turns on an ice flume shot pourer (A block of ice with a channel carved in it, tilted at an angle, with someone standing at the top end pouring shots down the channel towards the awaiting mouth of the person at the bottom end. The person at the bottom drinks the now ice cold shot and then tries to rub the frostbite off of their chin. I guess we weren't as concerned with germs back then), passing a bottle of bourbon back and forth while standing outside smoking cigarettes, and 10 other stupid irresponsible things that we did while stupid, irresponsible college students. Now he is a father two times over, while Wifey and I have had preliminary discussions on starting our own brood. And it felt natural.

Yes, I know...the Circle of Life and all that crap. But this one was a little different. I always expected Fineous to be a daddy, and a damn good one at that. The friends of mine that have had kids are all ones that I could see being parents. Even me, I have always planned on having a family (even though until I met Wifey I thought it was going to have to be due to a hostage situation or some kind of bizarre poker bet). And I am not saying that this guy isn't a good dad. Knowing him I can see him being that father that everyone thinks I will be (no pressure there, buddy). But it just hits home when you don't see someone for a few years, a person you last saw saying "WHOOOO-HOOOOOOO!!!" while laying in a field at 3 in the morning, and now he in the office manager for a local business and a husband and a father. He and I went from talking about tits and ass to talking about Disneyland vacations and tax shelters.

And that's cool. In a very "it wouldn't have been cool 10 years ago" kind of way.

Damn adulthood.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Today's Mood Is...

It is Friday.
I have been given an excellent opportunity by my current day job to make a short term sacrifice for a long term benefit, and I am taking full advantage of it.
I have a playoff game for the trivia team tomorrow afternoon, then I am going home to soak my feet and watch Tropic Thunder (and probably ordering a BIG order of wings to boot)
So all in all, things are pretty good. So why am I making children's entertainment channel Evil Wayne Brady?
Because sitting DIRECTLY to my left is a young lady. She has her music on at a level that is frankly annoying, because the only way I could compensate would be to turn up my radio to a wholly unacceptable level for a business atmosphere, and I am not getting into a speaker battle over my inability to hear Mark Viviano and the Bulldog banter about the upcoming Ravens' game. But that is not the biggest problem (I can block out the music pretty well). No, the biggest problem is that she apparently has allergy issues (what she is allergic to that is causing this kind of reaction in late November means that in the spring we are in for a HOOTENANNY!) and is sitting here snorting every 7.3 seconds. Loudly. To be perfectly frank she sounds like she is rooting up truffles. And THAT is making the Brave Little Toaster angry. And when the Brave Little Toaster gets angry...

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Today's Mood Is...

So, my life is usually pretty mundane, all things considered. Sure, some funny things happen, but I am sure that funny things happen to pretty much everyone, only I am enough of an attention whore that I think random strangers would want to read about it. It is my own conceit, and I am okay with it.
But sometimes something happens that make me wonder...
As I have said on more than one occasion I have recently changed day jobs. Well, technically I kept my day job, but it was dissolved by the company I worked for and reformed by a new company and I followed it and continue to do it, hopefully with more efficiency now that I have an actual support structure and a clear management chain without 12 layers of duplicity standing around getting in my damn way...
So anyway, I changed jobs. I now work for a private company that does 3rd party billing. Not too terribly exciting. It seems that there are trade publications, both newspaper and magazine, that cater to these special interests. And to garner a free little blurb of publicity within the business, both myself and the other Kernan refugee had our pictures taken by the media guy here and we were mentioned / published in a couple of the trade rags. And that is the end of that, right?
Last week I get some mail from some financial planner who took the time to cut my picture and bio out of the paper, LAMINATE IT, and mail it to me with a note saying "Congratulations" and his business card. At that point I take it as a guy fishing forbusiness in these difficult economic times and leave it at that. And that was that, until this morning.
I get a phone call from somebody who sounds like they have a head cold and a rabbit boiling in a pot off in the distance. He starts talking like he knows me, congratulating me on my new job and asking when we can meet to discuss my financial future and oh by the way did I get his mail?
Yup, now I know who it is, and now I am a little put off. When I started telling him that I have a very busy schedule with 2 jobs, including one in retail and that this is the busy season he starts asking me if we can have lunch together. I tell him thanks, but I cannot commit to anything right now, I'm real busy. He started to speak again but I told him I had to go, but it had been lovely talking to him and I would call him back...
I took a look at his information he snet me. He has two VERY different email addresses, one of the usual "first initial of first name and full last name at business name dot com", but the othe one "xyz at personal email dot com". And yes, it was REALLY xyz, I am just not going to mention the provider. But still, if you are putting THAT on your business card OR your letterhead I am going to have to think twice before I start trusting you with my hard earned, rapidly shrinking retirement fund, TYVM.
So I have a stalker now.
Why can't I get that hot chick who wants to be all stalker-y No, I get a man with a head cold and a hard-on for IRA accounts. Not fair, world. NOT. FAIR.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Today's Mood Is...

You know, I feel amazingly chipper and awake, all things considered...
At 2:07 AM on Wednesday, November 19th 2008, my wife got a leg cramp. How do I know the exact time? Because when it happened she woke up with a scream and swung her leg at me (I can only figure she was bringing it to me to massage it). However, through the pain, she lost the ability to judge space and time and immediately dropped her foot right on my balls.
And THAT, my friends, is NOT how a man likes to be roused from peaceful slumber.
So as I lay curled up in the fetal position, with Wifey intermittently crying in pain and apologizing to me for doing the Hulk Hogan to my half of our unborn children (who will no doubt come out a little loopy from this experience, as if having to share DNA with me wasn't enough of a curse), I took a gander at the clock. And it said that it was 2:08 AM.
So that was my middle of the night...
It took a little while to fall back asleep. As soon as I could move my legs again, I got up and got Wifey a glass of water and some potassium pills (I also have a problem with leg cramps from time to time, and usually keep some potassium in a couple of places around the house as a precaution. However I, as a rule, do not kick my spouse in the genitalia when it happens. If THIS is how she is going to react to a leg cramp there is no way in hell that I will be in the delivery room if and when that blessed day occurs). Then I laid back down. Wifey fell asleep pretty quickly all things considered, but it seems that there were still some pains, as she spent the next 45 minutes or so whimpering / crying in her sleep, and since I was awakened by something rather jarring I was not falling asleep quite so easily. The pain was gone (for the most part. Guys, you know what it is like to get hit with absolutely NO prior warning. There is a low level ache for about 15-20 minutes at least), but I was pretty much awake at that point. And once I am awake my brain starts to churn and that leads me to a Mobius strip of consciousness.
I need to make it clear that I am not mad at, nor do I blame Wifey for what happened. It was OBVIOUSLY not intentional, and the fact that through all of the pain she kept apologizing shows how bad she felt about it. So in the spirit of fairness I will also take this "public" (in quotes because while it is open to the world to read, only 7 people actually read it, so it isn't like I am buying advertising time during the Super Bowl here) forum to apologize to Wifey as well. After I got her the water and potassium pills, I decided to go to the bathroom (running my hands under the water to check the temperature set off my bladder like I was the first one asleep at a slumber party). I delicately removed the cloth covering and exposed my wounded soldier to the light and air in order to facilitate his process. Afterwards I flushed the toilet (I wasn't born in, nor have I ever urinated in, a barn, you know). Lately there has been a random problem with the toilet still running after flushing (I just have to go in there and check the arm and the seal, not a big deal but nothing I have gotten around to doing since it happens so rarely that I don't think about it when I am home, and a simple jiggling of the handle keeps it from happening). Well, as Wifey lay in bed, at the end of her ordeal, she turned her head to me and told me to check the toilet. I did, and it wasn't making any noise, so I told her so. She said to jiggle the handle, I told her I already did and that it isn't running. She said she could hear it so I snapped "FINE, I'll go jiggle the damn handle!".
With all things considered I think I get a pass on that one. After all, even if it WAS unintentional she KICKED ME IN THE BALLS!!!!!!!!! I am allowed to be a little grumpy after that.
The weird thing is, except for a crick in my neck / back (my neck, my back, my pu.........never mind) and my usual assortment of ailments / impairments I feel pretty good. Not overly tired (I have had my usual coffee intake plus a little extra, so that might be a little misleading), and I have been pretty chipper here at work, joking and joshing with the gang (or at least the ones that I like talking to).
To be honest, I fear what will happen when the other shoe drops.

Just in case you don't get the Hulk Hogan reference...

THIS is what Wifey did to me last night / this morning. Only with more hair and less spandex.

Is it just me...

Or has the phrase "It's in the Weinberg building" become the Baltimore equivalent of someone in Atlanta telling a tourist that the building is "on Peachtree Lane"? There has to be 50 of the damn things just in Baltimore. I shudder to think of the confusion in Scranton.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Today's Mood Is...

That (Fatal Stab) is either the name of what might be the greatest sidescrolling game ever, or the name of my next speed metal band (which would also be my first speed metal band).
And you KNOW that the name of the first album AND single would be "Death Gurgle". Because it would have to be, really.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Today's Mood Is...

...with a second, flavorful side dish loaded with...

...and no, I do not do any tech support. Of all the levels of hell that my jobs put me through, I am very thankful that THAT isn't one of them
However, I have decided to actively pursue a job with the state. Not only are they off for EVERY damn holiday that exists (and at least 7 that they made up just so they could be off those days, too), but they also don't have to give a shit about what anyone thinks of them. Case in point...
I have been having a problem with a patient that has a fairly common first and last name. It seems that they share a birthday with another person with the same first and last name. However the other one (or as I am calling her, the Doppelganger) MY patient has Medicaid through the State of Maryland. The Doppelganger had Medicaid through the State of New Jersey.
You see where this is going, right?
I have spent the last 47 minutes in a loop of "please to be holding" mixed with random ringing then going back into the queue for more waiting.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Today's Mood Is...

In another shining example of "We Better Not Offend Anyone Who Is Too Stupid To Know That What We Are Saying Is Not Offensive"...
I found out last night that Bullseye Inc. is not calling the Friday after Thanksgiving "Black Friday" this year. No sirree, they are calling it "Green Friday". Why green? Hell if I know. Why not black? Because they are afraid that someone will construe the name as being racially insensitive.
I tell you, the rampant stupidity being shown over something as innocuous as "Black Friday" is making me feel positively niggardly about spending my Christmas money there.
BTW - I don't know who the scary pointing man in the picture is. I didn't even notice him at first. I did a GIS for "Green Friday" and this came up (along with another picture I am going to post in a moment). Until I added the text I didn't even know he was there. Sorry if he weirds you out. He weirds me out, too.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Today's Mood Is...

...with a side of...

Before I get all whiny and bitchy/moany, let me say that lately Blogger has had a habit of putting pictures not in the order I selected them in, which is making me work harder at being cute / snarky. It is bad enough that we can no longer make the post time later (just earlier, which, while minor, is annoying to me), now it is taking creative licence with my picture posting? WTF Blogger?
Okay, now back to our regularly scheduled whining...
I am genetically predisposed to being piled on. I am pretty sure that in a previous life I was a pack animal of some kind, and I am pretty sure that I was a damn good one. So I can take a lot of abuse and not snap (but inside I am a churning mass of retort). This makes me uniquely qualified to work in corporate America and also work in thankless retail establishments (so I got THOSE bases covered, at least). Well, it is being put to the test today...
I have mentioned the Brothers Chinn before. There is a good brother and a bad brother. By that I mean that one brother is the kind of guy I would go out and grab a beer with. The other one is a guy who signs my checks. Evil Brother isn't NECESSARILY evil, but he does not have a whole lot of interpersonal skills and does not know how to talk to employees. So that is why he spends most of his time in his office in the back of the facility, down the Warning Hallway (that hallway in every spooky / scary movie that makes your guts scream "For the love of God, DO NOT GO DOWN THIS HALLWAY!!! BADNESS IS AT THE END OF THIS HALLWAY!!! TURN AROUND AND GO BANG THAT CHEERLEADER IN THE BACK OF THE VAN PARKED BY THE LAKE!!! NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN IF YOU ONLY DO THAT!!!).
Well, Good Brother Chinn is away on vacation. To make matters worse, Ed (our 1st line of defense / floor supervisor) is off today, so it is Evil Brother Chinn and the IT guy, who is too busy being distracted by the women he either sits next to or smokes with (he may be married, but he never got past that 14 year old guy's fascination with tits. It makes him completely ineffectual as a leader) to do anything. So EBC was sitting in GBC's chair here amongst us commoners / data entry bitchslaves on the floor when two Friends of BSR (FOBSR) were chatting away across the walkway in between cubicles. EBC did not like that and reprimanded them. But he didn't do it with any sort of tact. Which has led to our current situation.
A group of people sitting here saying that they will not be talked to like that (when in reality they already were and will be so again unless they find another job in between now and EBC's next foray into Commonerville). It is one of the things you have to put up with when you work for a living. Shut up and deal with it.
EBC will not be doing any more reprimanding for the time being, since his (and GBC's as well) Mom is sitting amongst us. She helps out with the data entry and is famous for telling stories (something about old Irish moms needing to regale people). He really cannot rebuke his employees for listening to his mother ramble on about washing socks (not kidding. THAT is the subject of the conversation right now). I figure most sensible people would want nothing to do with that conversation normally, but since it involves not working and tacitly pissing off EBC, the staff is enraptured with the tale.
I, on the other hand, am just sitting here "working". Looks good from a distance, and that is all that matters right now, the appearance of a bunch of people sitting around on company time, talking back and forth, and there is good old BSR sitting quietly at his computer, typing away, entering data like a good soldier.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Today's Mood Is...

I am not a big believer in omens or portents or any crap like that. But this morning I left the house without my beloved coffee mug, a mug that I had taken the time to fill with loving care and precision, filled with my precious coffee, some flavorful cream, and a touch of artificial sweetener.
It's gonna be a bad day.