Friday, December 25, 2009

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

Too tired to get into details right now, but I am back in the hospital again (some more) as of last night. I will give you some details later.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

So for those who don't know, I am back in the hospital. Not nearly as bad as last time (I'm conscious for everything, but with my current roommate that is not nearly the blessing that it could be), and if we can arrange for transport then I am getting out today.

Right now he is sitting on the window ledge talking. And as inane as the conversation is, it could be worse. And how is it that I am so sure of that? Well, I'll tell you. When he came in, he spent the first 8-10 hours farting. A lot. Loud ones. Stinky ones. Ones that made me head to the bathroom for fresh air (hospital disinfectant has never smelled so lovely). And the "best" part is that he never once said "excuse me". Nor did he say anything else. Nope, he just laid there and farted. It made me decide to call him "Mr. Boombastic" (they call me Mr. Boombastic, my farts are fantastic, you take a whiff and go "ewwwwwwwwwwww"...).

Okay, he went off to smoke (and give the main entrance the gift of sulfur).

So, this time I got cellulitis (fancy name for a skin infection) in my foot/leg). They pumped me full of antibiotics (and I will be taking a bunch more for the next 2-3 weeks) and did a bunch of checking and testing and said I could go. Technically I could have left yesterday, but the 18-20 inches of snow made that rather problematic. Now we just have to find a way to get Wifey here with my wallet and keys so that I can get on up outta here.

A quick aside about Wifey. Once again she has been fabulous to me during all of this. I am pretty sure when she repeated the whole "in sickness and in health", she really wasn't counting on it being this lopsided towards the "sickness" side. I never give her enough credit on here for all the things she does for me every day (from cleaning up around the house to just walking past and saying "I love you"), and usually I focus on the silly things she does (or the violent things she does while sleeping). I know I am truly blessed to have her in my life.

So now that I have given her some props, I can tell you what she did that made half of the nursing staff run in here as if it was "dramatic scene time" on ER...

I do not know by now if I have ever mentioned that Wifey does not yawn like normal people. In fact, she yawns like no one else in the history of ever. I do not have an audio track of her, but I will try to get some video of her doing it in order for you to get the full effect. For those of you who have not been subjected to this particular quirk, the best way I can describe the sound is that it something between a banshee wail and the cry of a falcon swooping from high above you as she charges towards you after she spotted you desecrating her nest and threatening her newborn hatchlings. Well, while she was here on Friday she yawned. And not 10 seconds later nurses came RUNNING into the room to find out what was wrong. Everyone looked at them wondering what they were talking about. Then they said they heard a noise like somebody was dying.

I will reiterate the crux of that little anecdote: Wifey's yawns, when heard by health care professionals, sounds like someone in the throes of death.

Another glimpse into the world of BSR. See you next time!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Today's Mood Is...


Monday, December 14, 2009

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Getting into the holiday spirit part 1

Whenever I think of "the holidays" (otherwise known as the Thanksgiving / Christmas corridor famous for making everyone gain 15 lbs. from all the parties at any number of friend's homes and the office celebrations and the coworkers who keep baking cookies and buying festive shaped Reese's cups and Hershey's Kisses with brightly colored tin foil), I think of "Peanuts". From the "Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" being aired a couple of days after Halloween (I almost included "Great Pumpkin", but since they show that around mid-August it misses my arbitrary cutoff date) all the way through to the "Charlie Brown Christmas Special" that will no doubt be on some time next week, this 4-5 week period of extended mall shopping hours and gaudy, fossil fuel wasting displays of electricity displayed on the outside of people's houses like a row of rejected Cher costumes makes me think of Charles Schultz's exercise in childhood existentialism (if you take a good look at Peanuts, especially the earlier stuff, it is pretty darn dark at times).

And sometimes I think of super powered mutants.

Getting into the holiday spirit part 2

And because "Bah, humbug" is overdone...

Monday, November 30, 2009

Back from the (almost) dead!

Oh. Hai thurr.

It has been a little over 2 months since my last post, and while I am not one for making excuses, I have been rather busy.

First of all, the night of my last post I got fired from Bullseye, Inc. It is not a particularly long story, but it is one that I am not particularly inclined to share with the world at large. At least not yet. But the end result of that caused me to not be in the mood to do a lot of blogging.

A week or so after that, I got sick with what we originally thought was a ear infection. It wasn't, but the antibiotics made the pain go away for a while. More on that in a bit.

Around this time my Aunt Mary Ellen passed away. She and my Uncle Jim were two of the first people in my family to tell me to go for it when I started getting serious as an actor/comedian.

Right after that I started feeling better (shows what *I* knew) just in time for my performance as Alfred Hitchcock at Westminster Hall (in downtown Baltimore where he is buried) as part of the year long Poe Bicentennial. Apparently I was on BBC World News. Who knew?

And then the fun started.

I started getting some swelling in my jaw. I went back to the doctor, who told me I probably had an abscess in my lower jaw. That was on a Friday. So on Monday I went to the dentist's office (specifically Kernan, since I don't have dental insurance and I get the "friends and family and former longtime co-worker discount"). They took one look at me (and one x-ray) and told me I had to go see a specialist, so one of the front desk people (Pat) called down to the UMMS Oral Surgery Department and pulled some strings (it seems she spent years working for the doctor who runs the department and called him directly and got me shoehorned into the schedule.

Wifey and I get there, and the first two doctors look at me and say that this is not that big of a deal and they can take care of it right there in the office. The aforementioned head of the department came in, took one look at the x-ray and at me and said that I needed to be admitted and this would be an overnight stay.

And that probably saved my life.

By this point pretty much everyone who reads this knows that I am diabetic. Well, it seems by blood sugars were not nearly as under control as they needed to be, and there were some serious complications during the surgery. Odds are if they had tried to do the procedure in the clinic they wouldn't have had the ability to handle when I crashed. But we weren't in the clinic, and they had the ability. They had to induce me into a coma that lasted for about 2 weeks, and for a while during that I was still pretty touch and go, however I never went anywhere, and after a long stay in the hospital I returned home, where I now am continuing my slow return to whatever passes for normal in regards to me.

It is funny what I remember (or more to the point DON'T remember) about the whole ordeal. I distinctly remember going to Kernan, and going to UMMS and being seen by the doctors. Then things start to get a little fuzzy. The next thing I could remember was being in a hospital room with Wifey and my parents and a couple of nurses while I got undressed and into one of those oh so flattering hospital gowns (later on after I woke up I asked Wifey how my parents got there since they had not been with us at all before that. She said that when we found out I was being admitted for an overnight stay that we had to call them. I do not remember that at all, but since they were there, it has to be true). The next thing I remember is waking up in a room and being convinced that Wifey and a friend were on the other side of my privacy curtain giggling and plotting something. At that point I had no idea that it was 2 weeks later and that there was a hole in the bottom of my jaw/top of my neck. A day or two after I woke up I met another doctor, who walked in with a bunch of younger doctors around him and started speaking to me (well, more about me to them, but at least he acknowledged my presence during his speechifying), saying things like "there he is, up and awake", or something like that (things are still kinda fuzzy about a lot of things) in a very pleasant baritone voice with an undertone of British formality. He spoke like we had spoken before, and apparently we did since he was the guy who actually performed the surgery. But I had no idea whatsoever who he was.

Also, as I mentioned previously, I had recently portrayed Alfred Hitchcock. Well it seems that I kept talking like him after I woke up. Specifically I repeatedly asked for "4 toast points with hot buttered marmalad" (the final "e" on marmalade was left off on purpose since I was saying it with a soft "a" sound on the end). To be perfectly honest I have no freaking idea what a "toast point" is, or why I wanted them. But I did. Apparently to the point of driving Wifey a bit crazy.

There are other stories, like how I eventually learned about the coma and the fact that I lost 2 weeks of my life (once all the dust is settled from dealing with all that happened the last couple of months I would love to go to a hypnotist and see if I can find out what I was thinking/dreaming about for those 2 weeks), and how the first day I was awake I was still on IV only, so that the next day when they actually brought me food (and specifically coffee) I teared up a little (and after I tried to eat those things that they called pancakes I teared up again, but this time for their destroying what had up to that point been a connection that only had positive connotations, that being "pancakes are yummy". They killed the shit out of that one). I learned that the name of the current President of the United States has a name that is a lot of fun to say when you are still a little loopy from all the drugs you have had injected into your body from little bags that are hanging from a pole next to your bed. And I learned that it is all but impossible to not flash people every time you move in a hospital bed when you have one of those gowns on.

I would be remiss if I didn't take a moment to recognize and thank Wifey for being near me through it all. I have no firsthand knowledge of this, but apparently she stayed at the hospital for a few nights, and spent every moment possible there with me, and on more than one occasion making sure the nurses were on top of their game. I guess she and I are even now on the "catastrophic hospital stay/death scare" ledger.

While I am in the recognizing mood, I should also thank all of our family and friends who were there for Wifey while I was in drug induced dream land. I am sure some of these people have names that I have assigned them, but it has been so long since I have been here that I do not remember them and am just too dang lazy to go back into the archives to look them up. So, in no particular order...

  • Pat
  • Faith
  • Dave
  • Niji
  • Mom
  • Dad
  • Carl
  • Bill
  • Shanelle
  • Ronetta
  • Shaye
  • Morgan
  • Christa
  • Skye
  • Fiona
  • Keith
  • Buttercup
  • Tuxedo
...and I am sure that there are more who I was told about, but since I was still pretty slap happy from the whole ordeal (and am still randomly remembering stuff and asking Wifey for verification of my new found memories) I am unable to mention them here. Let me leave it with this: if you were there for her at all, no matter what it was that you did, then I thank you.

It is now almost 11 p.m., and I need to get myself into bed. Soon I will update again (I don't know how soon "soon" is, but rest assured the gap will be less than the 62 days separating this post from the one right before it).

And I will endeavor to make the next one less Hallmark Special Movie-of-the-Week and more of my usual trademark snark and sarcasm.


Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Bonus Mood Time - now with video goodness!

Wifey and I finished beating Ultimate Alliance 2 last night, and at the end of it we got to hear this audio clip. I felt it should be shared with you.

Today's Mood Is...

It's Deadpool week! Enjoy the awesomeness!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

I have said many times that while I am a meat eater, I have no problem with someone who chooses not to eat meat, as long as it is for a valid reason. By that I mean if you do not eat meat for religious reasons, or for what you perceive as health reasons, or because you don't like the taste, that is your prerogative and I will support your choice. But if you don't eat meat because of the cute widdle animals, you need to shut the hell up.

Recently someone I know on the Facebook put up a note about how cruel it is to eat animals. I responded with a light-hearted "won't someone think of the carrots?", and expected that to be the end of it. But it wasn't (as you probably already figured out).

Well, long story short, we went back and forth a couple of times, her making her points and me making mine. She did lean towards being a bit condescending, but I ignored that and only responded to her actual points (the crux of the argument is that I feel like fruits and vegetables are also living organisms but nobody seems to care that they are grown for the express purpose of being consumed, and they are also genetically bred to provide optimal value and maximum edible flesh per unit. The only difference is that they don't have faces and they don't make noises and there isn't some romanticized notion of Farmer Johnson tending to them and feeding them by hand while petting them. Other than that they are born from seeds - or from cross pollination, which is a lot closer to how we procreate than a lot of people would like to admit. We don't use bees, but other than that, pistils and stamens are not too far off from hoo-has and doodads - and there isn't an organization like PETA on the side of the lowly cabbage). Her response to me?

"You really are an idiot".

And it has me all aflutter. I enjoy debating an issue that I have a strong opinion on, and respect the person who has a differing opinion. But apparently this person feels that anyone who has a dissenting opinion immediately has no basis on which to stand or support their opinion. Now I am all pissed off about the whole thing, and can only wait for her response to her insult (depending on what happens next, I will probably update you here on what happened). But in the meantime,


Friday, September 25, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

it is going to be a long rest of the year...

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Our very first video

Drop Three just entered a contest that IFC is having for sketch comedy videos. This is what we entered. I hope you enjoy it...

Monday, September 21, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

So I was off from here on Thursday and Friday as Wifey and I celebrated out anniversary (according to one card I found, the 4th anniversary is Talc. I guess chafing is an issue at this point in a marriage). Coming back this morning I was greeted with a few "Welcome back"s and some "Belated Happy Anniversary" salutations. I thought we were all done with it. Until...

Moms Mabley comes in part time, and usually late in the morning (around 10-11). Today is one of her days to work. A few moments ago she wheeled her chair over to me to ask me if I was feeling better (I was - and still am a little - sick last week, and apparently she thought I was out for that). Once I explained that I was off on purpose, preplanned, in order to spend some time w/Wifey for our anniversary, she asked me if we had any "Mommy / Daddy" time. And once I realized that she was asking me if Wifey and I had consummated our relationship over the long weekend, I stopped myself from asking her why the hell she would ask me that and instead told her that Wifey and I spent some quality time together and left it at that.

The only problem is that she wasn't done talking.

No, I then found out that she has been married for over 34 years, and that she and her husband have had anniversary sex maybe 10 times. At this point I tried to turn around to get back to work, but no.

She wasn't done.

NEXT came the story about how her daughter who lives in Atlanta, and the time that daughter had arranged for Moms and Pops to come down to visit her, and how they had a nice hotel room, and that while she usually sleeps in full length flannel nightgowns, this time she and her daughter decided to go shopping for a nice, sexy negligee for her to wear...

****at this point I should tell you that while the dental work is better on Moms, and she isn't as grey, if you combine Grandma Klump and Momma Klump, you pretty much have Moms. Keep that in mind as you picture her telling me all about getting and then putting on a sheer purple negligee and you begin to understand why I might be skipping lunch today****

...and how she came out of the bathroom with it on, and he was lying on his bed in the hotel room (they ALWAYS get two beds. I can only assume that they had their children the same way that Lucy and Ricky did it, since the usual way is all but impossible), and she walked over to him as sexily as she could (don't know how sexily that would be, but it isn't exactly causing me to want to stray) and said to him "Don't you want to help me take this off?"

And his response was, if nothing else, an attempt to clarify the situation. He said "What, you forget how to take it off yourself?"

And THAT was your Monday Mental Floss.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Nobody puts Swayze in the corner

As a large man who does comedy I was never a fan of Chris Farley. I thought he took the easy route way too often. but Patrick Swayze brought out the best in him in this bit, and it remains one of the funniest things I have ever seen on TV. RIP Patrick.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

And you thought no one expected the Spanish Inquisition!

Oh Hai Thurr. Look to the right!

Week 1 preview up on ADSB. Check out the massive analytical insight on Brad!

The struggle continues...

We shall overcome!

I thought we were past this by now. Do we need another bus boycott?

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

This is turning into one of the ubiquitous "those" kind of days, for reasons both various and sundry. But I will not bore you with all of that. Instead, I am going to bore you with the idiot that just called the billing office.

Consider this a life lesson that you may apply to your own existence. If you get a bill and call the number on said bill, and a person answers "Billing Office", that person works in an office where many different accounts are handled. If that person takes your information and then tells you that they are not the person who handles the billing for that particular office and offers to put you in the voice mail of the person who DOES handle that particular office because they are on the other line, DO NOT ASK THE PERSON YOU ARE SPEAKING TO IF THE OTHER PERSON IS GOING TO CALL YOU BACK! The person offering to transfer you has no power or authority to coerce the other person to call you back. If they did, they wouldn't be the schmuck fielding the call in the first place. That is the law of Natural Selection - Cubicle Style. And by asking the person that question you are begging them to go to the person you ACTUALLY need to speak to and tell them that some asshat (or whatever designation is used in that particular office) is on their voicemail, but since they are in fact an asshat, take your time getting back to them. Maybe get to them on Thursday.

Because we are bitter, bitter people with nothing else to amuse us while we are here other than to take vicarious shots at you and to prioritize our work day in ascending order of what annoys us.

Friday, September 04, 2009

Monday, August 31, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

Because there seems to be a distinct lack of brains both in this office and in the people calling me today.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

I am the kind of person that needs to wake up somewhat gradually. That is to say, I am not one of those "alarm clock goes off and I get out of bed" kind of people. There are occasions that will make me hop out of bed with the quickness, like when I sleep through my alarm clock and realize that I was supposed to be at work 17 minutes ago, or when Wifey punches me in the eye (it really happens more often than you think). At moments like that my eyes pop open, my heart starts to race, and I jump out of bed. But as soon as the adreneline / pain wears off, I am ready to fall back asleep. I say all of this as a way of explaining that I have 3 alarms that go off in 30 minute intervals so that I can go from dead to the world sleep to annoyed at the prospect of having to get out of bed soon sleep to resigned to the fact that I have to move if I am going to be at work on time acceptance. Its like 7 stages of grieving every morning.

**On a side note, I do the same kind of thing almost every day while at work. I have stuff in the fridge and freezer here to have for lunch so that I can save some money over going out to lunch every day. But at 10 AM nothing I have is what I want, so I start to think of Baconators and Chicken Carbonara subs. Then, the next 2-3 hours are spent debating the merits of eating the stuff I have that I don't want versus eating the stuff I don't want to have to leave the office for just to spend money I shouldn't be spending. 99 times out of 100 I eat the stuff I brought in. Every so often my need to get away from the desk / coworkers and my desire for something not pulled from a cardboard box and microwaved (at least by me. I know that is pretty much what they are doing wherever I wind up if I do leave the office, but since I am not the one doing it it makes it different) leads me to the open road and eventually to the strip mall down the street.

Enough with the digression. Back to the story at hand.

Another thing that is a curse of mine is that when I am in the world of half awake and half asleep, my internal clock loses the ability to tell time, and I start to think I have overslept and missed my next alarm and am now late. I then think to myself that it is silly, and I have not had that happen since I was in my 20's and was out drinking most nights and was more apt to sleep through my alarm clock because the whisky had not completely worn off yet. But I will lay there wondering what time it is (my cell phone is my alarm clock, and while there is a clock at the end of the room, I am severely nearsighted and without my glasses all the clock looks like is a blur of red LED), and there is not way to quickly check the time, so to do so means effort, and effort is the antithesis of lying in bed avoiding reality. So I lay there, and eventually I check my phone and it is still 14 minutes before the alarm clock is going to go off again, but now I am half sitting up, and my brain is chugging along and I know that to lay down again will only lead me to trying to predict when the alarm WILL go off and fighting the fact that I should just get up so I am not so damned rushed this morning, and hey, if I get out of the house early enough maybe I can hit the McDonalds on the way in, because who doesn't like a McGriddle now and then (only Mormons and Communists, in case you didn't know the answer to that question)? But to get out of bed early is to surrender rest time (and yes, I know that I am not resting for these 20 or so minutes, but dammit I am laying down, and I don't want to get up yet!). So I lay there, having a war of logic versus comfort in my head, until the alarm goes off and I begrudgingly get out of bed.

It is at this time that I should also tell you that I have my leaving the house and arriving at work JUST IN TIME pretty much down to a science, knowing that depending on at which point in my 5-7 minute window of departure time that I leave the house I am going to have to be that much more creative in my I-95 passing and lane weaving (something I try to avoid as much as possible, because I hate all lane weavers other than myself, because none of them ever have a valid reason like I do when I do it). And part of my internal debate is the thinking that I could completely avoid this if I get out of bed at that moment instead of waiting until the last minute. And then, during the drive in to work, every pass and weave is met with the back of my brain telling me "if you had gotten up when I told you to we wouldn't be doing this, dumbass!". All of that factors into my morning "Crossfire" like brain battle, also.

So I pulled into the parking lot at 7:59 this morning (it would have been a little better, but there had been a stalled car in the tunnel causing a bit of a traffic snafu), and as I was getting out of my car, Chinn 1 (the one who works on cubicle row with us, albeit a corner cubicle and he isn't locked to it for 8 hours a day like we are) pulls up in his truck, so we walk in together. And if I am walking in with one of the owners of the company I CAN'T be late, right?

One day I hope to be a pancake.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

Warning - I am not editing my cuss words out today...

I have plenty of reasons to be in a shitty mood right now. Reasons that are perfectly valid and filled with logical rationalizations that can be cited without impunity.

But really, that is no reason to say you are going to stab your supervisor in the face.

It was one of those things that just popped out of my mouth while a bunch of us were joking around about today's dismissal time (most Fridays we get out at 4 instead of 4:30, but it isn't guaranteed, so there is usually some playful cajoling going on from about noon on, especially when neither of the Brothers Chinn are here, like today). The floor supervisor (the guy in charge whenever the Chinns are off doing what the hell ever they do when they aren't here) started saying something to the effect of us leaving at 5 instead of at 4 OR 4:30.

It is important to note that there are no feeling of animosity towards him. In fact, I like him a great deal. And when my mouth started moving I was playing along and bantering. But what my brain made my mouth say wasn't so playful.

I said that if 5 is the quitting time that I had better get out since I am on London Time and it is already past time to go. When he asked what that meant, I started talking, and by the time I finished I said something about stabbing him in the face.

I have no idea what else I said or why those words chose to come out of my mouth. I have been trying to recall what could have made those words form in my head or in my mouth or anything else. I am drawing a blank.

To his credit, he blew it off at the time and not until I was walking past him near the break room did he pull me aside to tell me that my statement was beyond the pale (which I know, but really, the fact that I even said it didn't truly register until he said something to me about it). I apologized to him right then and there, and then sent a written apology email to everyone who was around when I said it. But I still feel even more like shit now than I did before I pulled the Ass Hat Move Of The Month (I just invented that award to give myself. I am pretty sure no one will be able to claim it from me in the next 10 days).

And really, is that the kind of thing that you want to say to your supervisor when you are about to go in for your yearly review? Stupid brain. I need to kill more of you with beer.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

You mess with me, you mess with my whole family!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

Another Damn Sports Blog is back to coincide with the return of football (okay, it's preseason football, but STILL!!!!!). Head on over there, and if you do not see an entry for today come back later because I am working on it right now!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

Go over to the sports blog (the original recipe, not the extra crispy Orioles only blog), and you will see what I mean.

Friday, August 07, 2009

Today's Mood Is...


Karma rears its ugly Kryptonian head

I forgot what I put on here yesterday when I posted these here today. It wasn't supposed to be a theme, but I guess it is I am going to continue it.

Superfriends meets Friends

THIS is the reason that Al Gore invented the intarwebs. He just didn't know it at the time.

Superfriends meets Friends - episode 2

I cannot believe it, but this is actually MORE awesome than the 1st one. FULL...OF...WIN

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

You know something, Superman? You're a real asshole when you're drunk.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

My theatre geek friends will get this...

le sigh...

I think by now most regular readers (all 4 of you) and even occasional lurkers (the other 7 or 8) know that the dental office where I used to be employed (and who now just get on my nerves) deal with a lot of special needs patients. And you would think that when you deal with special needs patients and their various maladies that the more common ones would become easy to identify and categorize.

But you would be wrong.

At least, if the notes on the patient that I just finished making an insurance appeal for are any indication. You see, it seems that this patient is in a wheelchair, because they suffer from Cereble Palsey.

Try reading that in the voice of Charles "That's Turrible" Barkley in order to get the full effect.

Sometimes, words fail even ME.

Monday, August 03, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

500 points to anyone who figures this one out.

If you are completely stumped, there is a hint in the file name, then you have to think about a guy who could make a guest appearance on the Flintstone's without ever having to "Stone Age-ify" his name.

Friday, July 31, 2009

Monday, July 27, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

And I would go to confession EVERY DAY.

Can you imagine how much tastier Communion would be?

Good Advice

So, in order to do my job, I have to access the "extranet" for the hospital where I used to work. On Friday, they decided to run utilities for the software that the dental office (and I) use. It was supposed to take 45 minutes to an hour.

It is now almost 1 PM on Monday (ignore the post time, I had to backtime it to get it under the Mood post for today).

We are quickly approaching the end of the month, and I am still on the 15th for deposits that have to be entered. The deposit we got today was over $31K all by itself. As it stands, if the thing is working by today I might wind up staying late just to try and get the 15th finished before I call it a day. And I had scheduled myself to be off of BOTH jobs this weekend. I was very much looking forward to having a day or two where I did not have to leave the house and go off and deal with a bunch of responsibilities. Now I might not have a choice but to be here all day Saturday AND Sunday. OF course, I won't be getting paid for it, because I have to sit here with my metaphorical thumb up my metaphorical ass, not able to do anything, but getting paid for it. So that means that this weekend would be playing catch up. But it isn't like I can stay home this week waiting for the problem to be fixed. So I have to sit at my desk, staring at the wall, waiting for the call / email telling me to get the hell back to work, and then come in on the weekend (if the problem is even fixed by then. If the one person that we talked to in the I.T. department at the hospital is correct, then I might wind up WEEKS behind. And that could lead to even MORE fun.

In the meantime, I am following the dog's advice. What the hell do I have to lose?

Friday, July 24, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

I bet there are some multi-colored eggs hidden underneath him!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

In the Midnight hour, they cried Mao, Mao, Mao...

Monday, July 13, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

and the cars on parsley, sage, and rosemary.'re welcome. By the way, if you are not supposed to be online at work you might want to close your browser reeal quick. I am quite sure the entire office just heard your groan after reading that little cartoon and there is no doubt that the boss (or the nosy co-worker who likes to rat people out in order to curry favor - and curry was not meant to be another groaner, but as soon as I typed it I thought that it read that way, so apologies for that, too) is on the way over to see why you made that noise.

If I have to suffer today, so do you!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

with a bonus helping of...

I am running statements for the dental office, which, due to my being on the extranet from a rather remote location in approximation to the servers and other technical mumbo jumbo, makes it so that it takes the better part of 4 or 5 hours to accomplish this task. And until it is done, I can do nothing else. So I am surfing the intarwebs and generally looking for things to occupy my time. So you can only imagine how happy I was when some bot saw me online and decided to start a conversation. As always, names are changed to protect the "innocent"...

Robot Whore: Hey

BSR: hi

Robot Whore: hey there cutie???

BSR: yes, it is me

Robot Whore: who is this again? Sorry I don't recognize the name lol

BSR: well since you messaged me, who do you want me to be?

Robot Whore: Oh Ok LOL,Nice!how you doin??

BSR: My name is LOL, then? Very meta. I am well. How are ye, friend of LOL?

Robot Whore: Leanne is my real name but all my friends call me Lia

BSR: I shall call you ROF-L, for you are from Krypton's funny colony.

Robot Whore: I'm actually working right now what are you doing exactly??

BSR: I am also working. My corporate overlords are stern taskmasters. They no longer provide french vanilla non-dairy creamer in the break room!!!!!

Robot Whore: nice, nothin I work from home just starting doing these cam shows It's pretty fun actually lol

BSR: I question your sentence structure and use of capitalization (or lack thereof). Do you imbibe on your job?

Robot Whore: I am a little busy right now cant really talk here but I would LOVE if you came to watch and give me some company, and maybe a GOOD rating ??

BSR: l am also busy, as well as sufferingf through the indignity of having to use hazelnut.

Robot Whore: well I think i have my free friend's pass lyin here one sec babe.. I mean would you want it??

BSR: free is good, especially in these tough economic times. Could I trade it for a crust of bread to feed my poor child Cosette?

Robot Whore: yes its free

BSR: oh, Cosette will enjoy a meal that is not from a soup kitchen or dumpster. Please let me have this free pass, for it sounds like pure GOLD!

Robot Whore: of course, i jsut like to be safe

BSR: I do as well, but when one is as poor as me, safety takes a back seat to not letting your child starve. Especially since I have to buy ny own french vanilla non-dairy creamer for my coffee, now.

Robot Whore: are you busy?

BSR: well, l am due for my weekly flogging at 11, but l have some free time right now

Robot Whore: yes its free

BSR: that has been established. Are you not able to procure it?

Robot Whore: yup, I do got another pass left!..YAY.. just please don't tell anyone else I can get in trouble. What color panties should I put on for you sexy, i'll let you pick! LOL

BSR: maybe salmon colored? It has been so long since I have had anything other than the gristle of the rich

Robot Whore: k lol .. You joining me ?

BSR: are you going to give me this free pass to dinner?

Robot Whore: yes its free

BSR: that is the third time you have said that. Why must you dangle this carrot of opportunity just out of my grasp? Oh to have a carrot right now...

Robot Whore: Ok, go to http://#@$%&*$#$%#@!@#$&^$%#$.com/COOLGIRL scroll all the way down to the bottom babe, and you will see "friends of ME", click that and when you get the password page, put in the password: "mom" okay?

BSR: "mom"? No, I'm sorry. I may be hungry, and my coffee may be woefully lacking full flavor, but l cannot condone that kind of amoralistic behavior!

Robot Whore: yup, fill out your info, make sure you put your correct b-day k?

BSR: It is most certainly NOT "k"!

Robot Whore: k, if you entered as my friend, it should say 0.00, if so you are good for my free friend's pass dont worry about the autorenew the pass cancels all charges

BSR: I am going to have to end this conversation, but I must tell you that I will be reporting this ungodly activity to Child Protective Services!

Robot Whore: CC is just to verify your age hun,its the sites policy to ensure no minors get access to the site .. i gave u my free friend's pass


And how has your day been so far?

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Today's Mood Is...


The day it all went to hell

Started with 2 bosses on vacation, continued with one coworker walking out on the job because of a work issue, and now the cherry on top is Doo Wop singing "Da Butt" as she processes claims.

And I still have another job to go to after this...

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

...well? What are you waiting for?
In order to do my job, I have to get on the UMMS Extranet. On a good day, it is slow, with occasional bouts of molasses. Today, with pretty much the entire office streaming CNN to watch the Michael Jackson funeral (I don't know why they can't just gather around one computer. It isn't like any of the bosses are around, and it has been established that they are not doing any work. Why the pretense?), the Extranet is moving at the approximate speed of the Tortoise from the Merrie Melodies Bugs Bunny version of the Tortoise and the Hare. It is taking me almost 10 minutes to post one payment and insurance write-off (at average speed I get one in every 1-2 minutes depending on how quickly the system pulls the name up for me). I am quickly checking out while sitting here, and the lag time is making it easy for me to write off today as "unproductive" and just drift into the ethers until 4:30, when I have to leave for Bullseye Inc.

Well, I was. Until something happened that, ever so briefly pulled me from the sweet embrace of apathy and dragged me kicking and screaming back into Purgatory Present. Urkel's Mom (who most definitely DOES NOT have it going on) came in.

And she started talking...

Apparently the water at the Inner Harbor was more of an aqua then pure blue.

Anyone who lives here surprised to hear this?

For those that don't, I would trend to the thought that the water being "aqua" colored is a step in the right direction, especially sine the default color for many years has been some blue-brownish chum scented spectrum not known to nature. At least aqua is a synonym for water. That is an improvement.

Is it PC to say that the water is "colored"?

Monday, July 06, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

Well, to be more precise, numbers are changing. Number as in addresses. Addresses as in places you are going to want to frequent.


Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

Too busy to get into details. Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe not.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

I find any loss of life to be sad, even if the person "lived a full life", and even if the loss of life ends pain and suffering for the person and their family (like it did when my grandfather passed years back).

For some reason, "celebrities" (I use " " because the idea of celebrity is an ephemeral concept at best) have been dropping like flies lately. Bea Arthur, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael much for the rule of 3's eh?

I do have to say that as a person who observes and comments on society, and as a comedian, I will particularly miss Billy Mays. He got that his "fame" was all about the character and he never took himself seriously (we call people famous for selling crap who get an inflated sense of self "Vila"s). He laughed at the fact that people knew who he was (just watch the ESPN 360 commercials).

RIP Pitch Man.