It's scary how easily the figure gets into this pose, ain't it?

This is one of the reasons that I was always more of a Marvel kid growing up. It's just too easy.

Enough With The Damn Suspense Already

Okay, here goes...

After an 8+ year run, the Early Monday Morning Show is going to be no more. At least as far as live shows go. We will still be around, working on new and exciting projects. But stage will be ending as of this coming June. So why am I still in such a good mood? Because Larry the Upstairs Neighbor and I are not done with live shows, and we aren't going to go it alone. Behold the birth of the latest and soon to be greatest improv/sketch comedy troupe in the history of EVER!!!! Ladies and Gentlemen and Translator Lawyer Robots, I give you...

DROP THREE!!!!!

(Yes, I put the link up twice. Sue me)

...That's right, we are branching off with the full blessing of my comedy life partner and quasi-adopted big brother and starting our own troupe. And I expect all of you that can possibly make it to a show to do so. And when you come to the show, I expect you to laugh. But also, and just as important, I expect all of you to come out to one of EMMS' final shows. You know you want to. Hell, you NEED to. IF you have never seen us, you need to. If it has been awhile, you need to see us again. A bunch of times.

And a special note to Fineous...

I know that you are busy, what with the wife and the job and the baby. But if you are available on October 6th, from 1-5, why don't you come on out to the first ever DROP THREE AUDITIONS!!! Yup, right at the Mobtown Theatre, where EMMS has been performing its magic for the last 5 (or is it 6) years, Drop Three is having auditions. Talent will trump experience, although having both is a nice thing.

If any of the rest of you want to come out, please do. But I want to extend an open, see it in print before the masses request for the Finster. C3PO, we've already talked about this, so you know I want you there too.

Gimme a HELL YEAH!


BSR

The Lion King-Crank Dat Soulja Boy

This one was second on the list, but it didn't post correctly. So now they are all out of order. And that makes me sad. But not as sad as Walt Disney must be right now. I am betting that as you read this, he is rolling over in his cryogenic chamber.

HAH! Popsicle person humor!

Soulja Boy Pooh

THIS is the one that started it all.

Alvin and The Chipmunks-Crank Dat Soulja Boy

All right, this one is just fraggin freaky. Gangsta rap on helium. I need to go find my happy place now.

Dora the Explorer ( Crank Dat Soulja Boy)

Are you sick of the song yet? At all? If these weren't all cracking me the hell up, I probably would be by now.

Crank Dat Soulja Boy w/ Barney!!!

Oh, we're not done yet. Keep going my little minions.

Crank Dat Soulja Boy Spongebob

Your next selection.

Crank dat Soulja Boy-Family Guy

Now you've watched them all. Time to vote. Please make your choice and put it on today's "Today's Mood Is..."

Thank you very much for participating in the democratic process.

I would hate to be called a liar

I did a quick count after putting up my last post, and realized that it was in fact 14 posts, not 15. So I wanted to make sure that I covered all my bases.

YAY for attention to detail!

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Today's Mood Is...

Well, I know I set my alarm. It is automatic unless I specifically turn it off. So the alarm went off this morning. However, it had absolutely no effect on my level of consciousness. I know this for a fact because I was still asleep when Wifey (who is currently playing video games and trying to get me to join her in the other room - she has been threatening violence against me for the last hour or so and is currently trying to pop my head like a 14 year old with a zit using her arms as some kind of organic vise - but I am fighting the good fight) woke me up with the question "are you going to work today?". Well, I planned to, but apparently while the spirit was willing the flesh was weak. So here I sit, taking a break from working from home and typing to you, my loyal minions. And I am glad to see that readership is increasing, judging by the number of comments in my 2 week absence from posting. Hi all! A big welcome to For The Defense, who is also known around here as C-3PO the translator lawyer. And I am glad to see Shorty is still alive and well, and Just Me is back from the blogging dead too! Joy all around!

As for Fineous and his request to spill the beans...soon, my friend. Very soon. I will break the news as soon as I know it is economically viable. No later than another week or two tops. Heck Reese my boy, I might even ask you to join in the frivolity that ensues. Curious now, aint'cha?

Beer Pork on Rosh Hashanah

Quick note before I get attacked by the masses, that is how it is spelled on Google, and I don't think spellcheck works on the title, so it stays that way.

Wifey is a spiritual mutt. By that I mean that she has some Protestant and some Jewish in her (and sometimes some Scottish. HEY NOW!). So we celebrate all kinds of holidays around here. The menorah next to the Christmas tree and all that. However, I have not had any real experience with the Jewish holidays, and don't think to mark them on my calendar. So last night I decided to make some pork loin that I had defrosted. Wifey ate it and never said a word (until today when she admitted that it probably wasn't the best idea. Of course, she can't be TOO much of a practicing Jew since she eats bacon like an aardvark eats ants. I fully expect to come home one day to find a greasy mirror and razor blade on the coffee table and a Wifey laying on the couch doing her best Brad Pitt in True Romance impression ("okay, you go out there, and you make a right. And you go. And you keep going..."). Wifey seems to think that the beer pork (called that because I cooked it in a mixture that included beer, but I am fairly certain that over an hour in a 350 degree oven cooked off that little bit of alcohol) is what made me slumber so deeply. I think it was just that I was exhausted and in need of some quality coma time.

Honestly, I just wanted to use that title. The post itself is pretty much inconsequential, and I have no way to wrap it up in any sardonic form, so I am just going to end it here and go on with my life. Until the next post, that is.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Oh boy, do I have something to tell you all. Really big news.

But I can't. Not just yet anyway. But very soon.

In like 2 or 3 days or so.

BIG BIG news.

Just wait my minions. It will be worth it.

BSR

Jerry Falwell was RIGHT

Shit like this never happened on Mr. Rogers. I'm just saying...

Oh yeah, I forgot...

Yes, it is in fact about 5 minutes of 3 in the morning and I am awake. Why? Lots of reasons. My legs are hurting to the point that having them elevated is beyond painful. I had an ulcer burst this evening and it is not being a nice open sore.

(I hope you aren't reading this over breakfast/lunch/dinner)

Add to that the big announcement that is pending, which is swirling around in my brain, and you have a classic case of insomnia part deux. Yuck.

But it is amazing the things that you think of when you are awake at 3 in the morning. There is an added benefit to Wifey's getting axed by that ungrateful bitch of a boss (nope, still not bitter, tyvm). What is that benefit, you ask? Well, I'll tell you...

THE BOOB THIEF CAN NO LONGER POISON MY WIFE WITH DROOLING CUTENESS WHILE FEELING HER UP AND BASICALLY DESTROYING MY CHANCES OF GETTING LUCKY THAT NIGHT!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

So, there is that silver lining that they always talk about. How sweet is that? Very sweet.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Will YOU hold my lamp for me, please? K Thnx bai!

I had the thought of putting NSFW on the top of this, but the pic would have loaded anyway right next to the NSFW. Besides, I don't know if it is all that bad. Hell, it got through the uber-OSS-esque filters here at job 1 (where things like ARTICLES about fantasy football get blocked. grrrrrrrrr).

And honestly, the only reason I posted it is because it is absurd. Seriously, how is that supposed to be sexy? Yes, I can see butt crack, and what looks to be the bottom of a rather puffy aureole (which I have never been a fan of. Hard nipples, YES. Puffy aureoles, not so much), but that is all looking past the obvious problem here...

YOU HAVE A FRIGGING LAMP UP YOUR ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, technically it isn't UP her ass. But that is close enough. Now if that was an actual lamp (meaning she was actually made out of lamp), I would be tempted to buy it, if only to trump Ralphie's father. If she were to light up also, it would move into "must-own" territory. But some random borderline attractive female holding my lamp with the power of her glutes is not my idea of sexy. It is like an IKEA ad gone horribly wrong...

"Do you feel bad for the lamp? Then you are stupid! The lamp does not have feelings..."

IKEA - Unporning

I hope some of you get that.

Anyway, I need to move on, but before I go, I really hope that Wifey is reading this and knows not to get any ideas of copying this in an ill-fated attempt to arouse me. It won't work. Plus, all we have around the house is ceiling lights, most with fans. And that would just end badly if she tried to copycat off of this image. Really, REALLY badly.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

...with a side order of...

Okay, it is no big secret to the vast majority of readers here (at last count, "vast majority"=7) that Wifey got released from the shackles of her employer on Friday. I don't know if it is classified as "fired", or "laid off", whichever would give you a severance package. Of course, the lady who decided that her services were no longer required has been dealt a shit storm in response. Others in the company have apparently railed on her pretty hard. Ha.

To make it even more fun, she starts sending out this pre-emptive email to those who might not have heard of the unceremonious canning stating that Wifey "chose to move on", or some damn thing to put the blame off of herself. Uh-huh. You are guilty ogf being a "See You In Toledo" (don't get it? ask me for an explanation).

Now Wifey is okay with it all. There had been a lot of undue stress and bullshit piling up on her recently. And add to that the severance package, the ability to temp and get odd jobs (and hopefully pull off an audition or two that throws more than the usual pittance at the performers), savings and unemployment, and it isn't like we are going to be applying for food stamps and government cheese anytime soon. So all that together means that it might be the best thing that could have happened. We will have to wait and see.

Honestly, I am not plotting any revenge. Seriously. And I am definitely not asking any Ronnettes (2 of which came over to a house that just lost an entire income stream and proceeded to mooch a home cooked meal off of us, so they owe us!) to forward me any kind of vehicle information for any kind of guilty party. I would never even intimate that, thank you very much. I DO NOT CONDONE ANYONE AT THE OFFICE THERE SABOTAGING HER LUNCH!! Don't do that! And for God's sake no one had better start a campaign of practical jokes designed to drive her so crazy that she has to quit while she goes someplace for "rest and relaxation", like maybe some place that rhymes with Deppard-Tratt. DO NOT ask me for suggestions on how to pull of this slow, grueling torture. I have no need to assist anyone in that endeavor.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

I have no delusions that I am anything but a big fat guy. It is true, no need to sugar coat it (but it does make it tastier). I am fat. I am losing weight, slowly but surely. But right now I am big big mofo.

So I am at work last night at Bullseye Inc. when the manager (oh, excuse me, the Leader On Duty, or LOD for short. Not too fascist/totalitarian, is it?) came up to me and said that since the store was projecting to beat the sales goal for the day by about $50,000, and since we were understaffed and everyone was working their collective tails off and getting a little frustrate by the sheer enormity of the night that he was going to buy dinner for the store (before you think he was being too magnanimous, he petty cashed it out). He was asking me what we could do besides the usual pizza (which is the default and usually the option chosen), when he said that what he really wanted was a McDonald's double cheeseburger (actually he said he could go for 2 or 3, but I didn't want to make him out to sound like a glutton right out of the gates). I said I could go for that myself, sometimes a greasy McDonald's burger hits the spot just right, even if Wendy's and Burger King taste better (I don't know if I ever sang the praises of Wendy's "Baconnater" sandwich. I am pretty sure that I have, but in case I haven't...YUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). So he starts to call around to the approximately 247 McDonald's in a 1/2 mile radius from the store, but every time he gets laughed at. It seems that people don't ever call in orders for 75 sandwiches (he decided on 50 double cheeseburgers and 25 McChickens with no mayo to account for everybody getting two sandwiches and a few wanting three - like himself and me). Finally, on the 63rd call, he gets a manger who tells him that she can't pre-make the order because it sounds too much like a crank call, but if we go in they would be glad to fill the order.

So he sends me.

I walk in and go to the counter. The young lady asks me for my order. I say "50 double cheeseburgers and 25 McChickens with no mayo".

At this time I would like to make it clear that they were not that busy, and in fact when I walked in there was no one at the counter and only 3 tables being utilized, all with people already eating.

I give her my order, and she looks right at me and says "Will that be for here or to go?"

Like I said, I know I am a big guy. I can accept that. I have no illusions. But I never in my life thought I was big enough that a complete stranger thinking that I could eat 75 sandwiches in one sitting. Apparently I was wrong.

Honestly, the question dumbfounded me a bit, so I just stared at her for a moment, then did the only thing I could do. I told her "for here, and can I get a small Diet Coke? I'm trying to watch my caloric intake". This confused her. I know she is young, and this is probably her first job, but like Bill Engvall says, "Here's your sign".

Luckily, the manager was behind her, and she has a sense of humor. She walked over to the cashier, gently put her hand on her shoulder, and told her to make it a to-go order. Then she gave me a medium sized cup for to have a beverage while I waited, for the wait would be significant, especially in the speed realm of fast food. She and I chatted amiably for the 45v minutes it took to complete the order, and she gave me her name and the store's phone number so that next time we COULD call ahead, and next time she would believe us. To top it off, she gave me a sack full of fries and 4 hot fudge sundaes for free, since I pretty much destroyed their sales goal for the hour.

So it wrapped up pretty cool. But still, if nothing else I have a new career goal...to stare at a pile of 75 sandwiches and triumphantly yell...

"GET...IN...MY...BELLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

The lights went out, and Nikki stawted to GW-IND!!!!!!

Come back Nikki, come back!

Today's Mood Is...

Yeeesh.

The neighbor drama continues. I have not mentioned this before (I don't think), but one of our next door neighbors (and I do mean next door here in the land of row homes), but for the last few months there has been some drama between them and us. Most of it has to do with parking. He (of the he and she) does not like to park under the tree on his property. Instead, he likes to back up as far as possible so he can be near his door but still not have his precious Honda pooped on. Fair enough. But I also like to park near my door, as does Wifey. So when we park our vehicles before he gets home, what does he do? He pulls back until his bumper is about a pubic hair's width from the car behind him (which is usually us). And the bastich is rather passive aggressive to boot. We have our grill on the front porch (you can't take ALL the redneck out of me). Twice he (or his OH-SO-LOVELY WIFE) has called the cops to complain that the smoke is blowing in his house. That would be a fair complaint except for two things.

1) It isn't illegal to grill on the front porch as long as you don't leave the propane tank attached when it isn't in use and you stay by it when you ARE using it (check on both accounts).

2) His complaint of the smoke (which really isn't much of a complaint. I don't burn things, and since I clean the grill well, it doesn't smoke much if at all) is moot, since if his front window is open, so is the back, and therefore if the grill is in the back yard, the exact same problem would happen. So WTF dude?

So after the second time that the cops come over and tell me that I am not doing anything wrong, the next day he comes over to tell me that Wifey keeps hitting his new car and she needs to watch herself. He's seen her do it. There is the slightest chance that I would give him the remotest level of credence if he had said something WHEN HE HAD ACTUALLY SEEN IT. But he waits until he is thwarted by the local constabulary to be a whiny little bitch about something that I do not believe for a second. So screw him.

Now last night Wifey was being dropped off by Killian, and Jerkass (yup, he just got an official BSR name, the lucky bastard) comes home and does the same thing, only parking behind her. He parked so close that Wifey couldn't even fit in between the cars, and had to walk around his car to get in the house (and it isn't like she is BSR size. I lucked out into one of those Fred Flintstone/Peter Griffin hot wives for fat guys deals. Screw you companion slotting ratios!). It made her laugh at the absurdity of it, which made him (he was obviously standing at the window watching her) come out and mumble some shit under his breath (including the word "bitch") before slamming his front door shut. Now, if Wifey had not told me the story while laughing about what an ass he is, he would have had a knock on his door sometime around 11PM yesterday.

I have been waiting patiently for him to come over today to start some shite, but so far Jerkass has been more Chicken Little than Mouthy McPoopypants (I am SOOOOO mature sometimes). So we will see how this plays out, but it has been on my mind all day, and that means I get to abuse you with my ramblings. Hee hee hee.

BSR

30 minutes of 80's cartoon Openings

This might be the most awesome time waster I have found all day. And that is saying something.

The Royal Rumble House

Wifey just walked in the door. This made Buttercup EXTREMELY happy. She was doing her usual "PET ME NOW!!!!" (the dog, not Wifey), and Wifey picked her up. Eventually, I am guessing that Wifey got tired of the usual "I'll hold you puppy" routine, because she went for one of those Eddie Van Halen playing guitar behind the back moves with the living creature in her arms.



THAT is when it got ugly.



Just in case this ever gets introduced in court, I want to make it clear that I saw nothing until I heard the "THUD", and saw Wifey standing over her vanquished foe like Hulk Hogan towering over "Macho Man" Randy Savage at Wrestlemania 8 (or whivever damn one it was), followed by the dog wandering over to the couch with a "I just forgot my parent's" face. I can say no more.



Except this...Wifey is pushing the dog at me saying "She's fine. She's trying to kiss you". And laughing like a deranged axe murderer. The only problem is, the dog no longer knows who or what I am, only that I taste vaguely like ham. Or so I have been told by my Jewish ex-girlfriend in a Dear John note.



PETA, I am innocent.



BSR

Another reason Insurance Companies make my head hurt

I am a smoker. No, I am not proud of that. In fact, I pretty much hate it. Even if it does make me look cool, I think the phrase "Alive With Pleasure" is a real big oxymoron. I have been trying to quit off and on (more off than on to be brutally honest) for the better part of the last 5 years. So far, there have been a few pockets of success sandwiched in between huge areas of failure. I have even gotten a prescription from my doctor (who is an excellent MD) trying to help me out. He "diagnosed" me with mild depression (I am hoping that he was just using it as a front. I rarely listen to Morrisey, so I think I am safe from that particular problem) in order to prescribe an anti-depressant that has a side effect of helping you quit (beats the hell out of most side effects, but it doesn't compare to those 4 hour erections they talk about. I haven't had one of those since high school, and there wasn't much of anything I could do with that then except walk hunched over a bit so that I wouldn't accidentally impale something, or someone). Unfortunately it hasn't helped.

Now I have heard of this new prescription called Chantix that seems to work wonders. I know two people who have used it and have quit within a week, and through some friends I know of probably a dozen more who have had similar success. So it sounds like a natural, right? Only the insurance company won't cover it. And without a prescription it costs somewhere in the area of $200+ for each fill/refill, and you have to be on it for about a month or so (which means at least 2 fills. or $400). I already work 2 jobs and don't have that kind of scratch floating around. The only way I could afford it is to quit smoking for a few weeks and save the money.

You see the irony there, right? Of course you do my little Morrissettes. It's like rain on your wedding day and shit like that.

Here is what is killing me (besides the cigarettes that is). The insurance company doesn't want to fork over the dough to cover the prescription, right? But they will fork over all the money for the chemo in 10-15 years? I am willing to bet that the oncology visits are going to cost more than the prescription, not to mention the little things that get bigger because of the smoking (like the circulation problems that exacerbate the leg issues that they have paid a few thousand for already). Don't you think that it would be smarter for them to pay up now? I know I do.

And for those who say "just quit", well, if you can do that, you are stronger than me in the willpower department. I really don't want to keep spending the money for something that is going to kill me. It is an addiction. I know I was stupid to start, and I regret it, but that doesn't change anything about the fact that I did and I would like to stop. Short of holding a telethon, I don't know what to do.

Besides light one up, that is.

Today's Mood Is...

with a side order of...

...of course, it isn't YOU I hate, per se. Unless you are one of those annoying people that have been working my nerves lately.

Keep reading...

BSR

I ain't doing it again right now

I was just typing up a post. It was a decent length, and was going fairly well. I was about 5 minutes from being complete when I got one of those "...has encountered a problem and must shut down. Send error report or don't send".

Stoopid internet explorer. I can't go downloading firefox here, I am stuck with what I have. And now I do not have the time to re-enter everything. Maybe later today, or maybe tomorrow. So sorry for the complete lack of explanation after promising it in that post right above this one. Blame it on the 'net.

Yeah, ye-aaa-aa-ah

Blame it on the stars that don't sine at night

Whatever you do, don't put the blame on you.

Blame it on the 'net...

Why the hell is that still accessible in my head, but the shit I learned in school that has real import, or at least historical significance is gone forever. Forget blaming it on the 'net. Blame it on the Miller Lite.

BSR

News from the front lines

Okay, there is no real order here, but there are a few things I need to get off of my chest...



1. Unless I can find some other connection that explains it, it seems apparent to me that eating anything more than a small handful of original flavor SunChips (tm) gives me gas. Lots of it. I'm pretty sure that I could have eased the energy crunch if I had released them responsibly (instead of trying to gas out random coworkers, and later the dog, just to amuse myself. However, after I beef-faced the dog her tail was still wagging like crazy, so she must enjoy the processed whole grains of SunChips (tm) after they had been utilized for food by my oh-so-efficient metabolism).



2. For those of you who don't live in the great state of Mary "At least we're not as liberal as Massachusetts, those jackasses!" land, we got a lot of rain yesterday. It was much needed, and we will take all that we can get. However, I have to think that unless you have lived in the middle of the Sahara for your entire life you are aware of what rain is, and have seen it before. And yes, I know there were periods of heavy rain, but still, the incredulous looks on people's faces last night at Bullseye Incorporated when they walked out the doors and saw WATER FALLING FROM THE SKY!!!!!!11!!!!!oneone!!



You jackasses. It's R A I N. You don't need to stand there with your gaping maw staring up at the sky and wondering how come you are suddenly wet when you aren't at the beach or in the shower. You don't have to tell everyone around you that it is raining. They can see it too. And you REALLY don't have to grab your cell phone and call your neighbor to tell THEM it is raining. They live three block away. They are getting rained on, too. You slack jawed yokels are wasting the precious oxygen that those of with functioning cerebral cortexes (cortexi? How often does one need to pluralize "cortex") need in order to continue living and evolving within the contexts of our environments.



3. Got a new reader (or at least a new commenter. Say hello to God's Girl y'all! Remember, the revolution will NOT be televised, but it will be commented on by a bunch of snarky know-it-alls who think that their opinions on world events and the happenings in their own backyard are valid and worth sharing with the world. And even worse, that the world wants to hear these inane ramblings. And yes, before you say it, I AM looking in the mirror.

Okay, I need to truncate this. Part of it got cut off by the computer dropping out on me (next post), but enough was saved to salvage the post, so ignore the "maybe later", coz here it is!


Gotta run. There be monsters about that I has to get to slayin!

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Yes, it has been a long week. Wifey and I had a bit of a disagreement (and if you want to know how "a bit", ask the door to our part of the house). I know that all of my married friends warned me that for the first couple of years that the odds were if we were going to fight it would be over money, but that didn't make it any more fun. I did learn one very valuable lesson (besides don't let Wifey try to repair a broken off the hinges door while she is upset, because when she shakes the large screwdriver in your face while yelling at you, you can honestly see your life flash before your eyes), and that is do not eat a big meal on a hot day then get into a rather vociferous argument with your spouse unless you want to lose weight the old fashioned way. By power vomiting in the public restroom of the local SuperFresh (almost everywhere BUT in the toilet. It was like the pie eating scene in "Stand By Me"). And I have been having a bad time with some medical concerns of my own. Nothing serious, but enough to be annoying and distract me from the stuff I need to do. But none of that has anything to do with the picture. So what does the picture mean?

Last night was a long, busy night. Momm-o-in-law had her regularly scheduled physical therapy, but to add fuel to the fire, she was having problems w/back pain and her legs. So she stayed home from work yesterday, and Wifey asked me to take her to PT and then to her doctor's appointment. No problem. Wifey planned on going to the grocery store to shop for us and for her mom after work. Again, no problem. She wound up leaving work sometime around 7PM and meeting me in front of the doctor's office to get her mom's list. So far, long but no major issues, right? Well, all is well until around 10:30PM when the phone rings...

Wifey had been in a car accident. Nothing major, no injuries (and that is the most important thing). But there is some cosmetic damage to the car. And now we find out that the jackass that hit her has no insurance, and that the insurance of the car's owner (which of course isn't the jackass that was driving) is contesting the claim. Stupid fucking lizard insurance. We didn't get our toasted muffin with butter and jam either. I feel ripped off.

Other than that things are copacetic. Our friends the Lithuanian Wonder and Irish Pride (who are getting married in about a month) are coming over tonight. You see, Wifey is going to be in the wedding party, and I am going to be the officiant. I probably have mentioned this before, but I got ordained online and am now legally authorized to join people in holy matrimony. So they are coming over for to discuss the wedding. I am going to have to make sure that the wedding is videotaped so that I can post the highlights.

Heh heh heh heh heh.

Big Shirtless (Reverend) Ron

Love Me Undergarments

Nobody could wear a bra on their head like the King. 30 years later, no one can touch him (and not just because he is 6 feet under).

30 Years Ago today...

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Duct Tape Bandit

Oh, why can't someone like this come in to Target? I never get the fun criminals.

Today's Mood Is...

Another night of borderline insomnia, another double between the two jobs, my legs are hurting and swollen, a Wifey home sick, a dog that has no concept of personal space...

bitch whine moan my life is SOOOOOOOO horrible.

At least I have my pity to keep me warm. Of course, staying warm is NOT the problem the last week or so. Maybe I can move in to the walk in cooler at the local 7-11. I am willing to restock for them for free if they let me bunk there.

Breakin' and Poppin' and Totally AWESOME!

This is officially number 1 on my Christmas list.

Start shopping now Ronettes.

I can be hypocritical if I wanna be!

So after railing about how I will overcome the heat and humidity and wait for it to break this weekend, and I won't succumb to those BGE bastards, I come home last night and Wifey has the A/C on (of course, she isn't feeling well, so I am not going to begrudge her some comfort just to save a few bucks). I go downstairs to hop in the shower and prepare for bed, and next thing you know I am setting up the A/C for the basement in the window and turning it on HIGH. Maybe coming into a house that wasn't the equivalent of a room prepped for Bikram Yoga weakened my steely resolve (I wish that I could pin it on trying to make sleep time more comfortable for Wifey, but when I went downstairs I didn't know she wasn't feeling well. It is that kind of not feeling well. I shan't elaborate). Whatever the reason, I got out of bed this morning not covered in a sheen of sweat for the first time in a few weeks, and it was everything that I could have possibly hoped for. And since the basement has the requisite "Livin' In The City" bars on them, last year we got one of those portable A/C units that you put the exhaust hoses into a window and therefore have some flexibility as to where you place your technological advance in human comfort. And it doubles as a dehumidifier, so not only was the sleep (or at least the laying in the bed, as the insomnia has just been documented) cooler, but it no longer felt like I was lying in a mist tent of pain and suffering (they had them at the Virgin Festival this year, at least that is what I heard. I am officially too old to go to weekend festivals when the temperature + humidity = Satan needs a Slurpee. It just isn't right. I would think that there is some international law against it. Maybe I should look into those Geneva Conference transcripts. I bet THOSE are a fun read.

I just got distracted by work, and this has been sitting here untouched for almost 2 hours. Gonna go now.

Today's Mood Is...

It is so damn hot that even my DIGITAL clocks are melting. But it is only intensifying my fight with those bastard electric company bastards (redundancy in describing their bastardness is not overkill, tyvm). I am fighting turning on the A/C with ALL of my might. 5 fans running is still less than half the cost of running the air. And on the plus side, I am losing weight like crazy. Even if it IS all coming out of my forehead, you take what you can get at this point.

Make sure you check out the music video I told you about before. It has been up for a week, but like a putz, I completely forgot to post it. Well that is no longer the case. Like Jell=o, watch it wiggle, watch it jiggle!

Politics in Action

Whatever your political affiliation, THIS is funny. But in order to be fair (as required by the FCC Equal Opportunity in Bullshitting the Public Act) I must also say this...

CHAPPAQUIDICK!!!!!

And So I Will Dance For Thee

I have been remiss in posting this. My deepest apologies to all. Now, I have to get back to the fairyland...

Today's Mood Is...

I has the power to kill a yak from 300 yards away.

Wif MINDBULLETS!!!!!!!

BSR

I ate what?

I decided to give ol' shorschitt a gander and see how she was doing. Apparently Friday morning was an oatmeal and iced tea morning (the thought of drinking iced tea first thing in the morning makes me feel a little queasy. Yet I will drink hot tea right off and have absolutely no issue with it. Is it me, or do you feel the same way? Or am I being a beverage snob/freak?). She said she would rather be having eggs and bacon (now THAT is a breakfast I could eat every day of my life. If only Wifey would leave me some bacon. You can ask Larry the Upstairs Neighbor about that, he'll back me. When we make breakfast - usually on the weekend - and we are making bacon, we have to make 2 pounds of it because between her propensity to pile it on her plate and her need to make kamikaze runs into the kitchen while we are cooking in order to grab a couple of strips while cackling like a madwoman and shrieking "Bacon!! ALL FOR ME!!!!!!!!", we can go through some cured pork around here). But then she listed some other foods she would rather be eating. And here is the list...

Cucumber Kimchee

Turkisk Pebers

Li Hing Mui

Arare

Chichidango

Manju

Ika

I know exactly three of the words on that list. And one of them my father used to use as a euphemism for "shit" (he liked to say that someone was in deep kimchee. For that reason alone I will never be able to eat kimchee. Word association culinary edition is a bitch). Also, I am pretty sure that the third to last word is one of those Himilayan words used to describe the Yeti. And if it isn't, it should be.

I am going to keep checking out shorty's blog. If nothing else, I am going to learn some bitchin' new words.

BSR

It puts the lotion on its skin...

How come I never had neighbors like this? (thanks to www.fark.com for the link)

http://www.denverpost.com/lifestyles/ci_6544653

Also, while my opinion may change when I am a father, all I can think is that Dad is being a real dick. Hell, if I was him, I would be outside playing baseball with my kids EVERY DAMN DAY OF MY LIFE!

Today's Mood Is...

Well, would you?

And so my minions grow

Soon my readership will reach double digits, and then the world will HAVE to acknowledge my brilliance! It seems that someone was randomly clicking on the "next blog" tab when the Blogger Lotto spit my page out. Of course Shorty immediately recognized my witty, urbane view of life as required reading (I hope to one day replace The Catcher in the Rye for "that book that your cool English teacher gave you to read that your parents and the establishment don't want you to". Of course, that means I would need to be collected into book form. Hey HarperCollins, you out there?). So welcome Shorty to the fold, and let's see how she does with her explorations of self flagellation. I know mine have brought you to me, and really, what else could I ask for.

http://shortschitt.blogspot.com/

I have a list of other things to ask for if anyone wants to know.

Not that you aren't important to me. Not at all. I am just a greedy bastard.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

SKITTLES!

I have finally found my Sean Bean

I love Wifey. I would hope that this is known and completely understood. I know that Wifey loves me. Hell, at this point she would have to. However, she does like to rail on about how incredibly hot Sean Bean is (if you don't know who he is, look him up yourself. I have no desire to post beefcake pics of my wife's moist-inducing obsession). Now I do have subscriptions to Maxim and Stuff (and had one to FHM before it went teat's up. Pun intended), but the pictures of scantily clad women is really more of a pleasant bonus to the magazines themselves to me. If I was 14, maybe those pics would be enough, but as a 34 year old with access to the internet, suggestive just doesn't get a rise out of me (pun intended again). She has occasionally given me a little good natured grief over these magazines, but nothing much comes of it (no pun there you dirty minded little monkeys). Besides, while I have never dug deep into the recesses of Elle, or whatever that catalog sized magazine is that she gets every month, but I know that all of those women's magazines have those shirtless guys that is somehow supposed to sell feminine hygiene products and so forth. And I don't care.

But her obsession over Sean Bean (and the way she says his name every time she is given a cause to think of him or see him on TV) drives me crazy sometimes. Even my Angelina Jolie (before she got knocked up by Brad Pitt to make what will undoubtedly be the world's most perfectly beautiful baby that will probably wind up being the Anti-Christ because it is going to have immeasurable good looks and charm, and nothing that perfect can be anything but evil) obsession never reached 1/3 her obsession over Sean Bean. I had resigned myself to a life of being the guy she shares coitus with while she dreams of Sean Bean (I have to keep typing his full name, because if I just type "Bean, it brings to mind images of Rowan Atkinson, and I am fairly confident that no one in recorded history has ever had an erotic thought about Rowan Atkinson. At least I hope not) once she gets tired of my "O-Face", and I was okay with that. And it isn't like I was out there hunting for my own celebrity to crush on. But I came across (NO PUN! YOU SICK BASTARDS!) this pic and realized that I could stare at it for at least 3 weeks straight. So I am going to claim her for my own, like Wifey did with Beany (does that work? Are there any famous Beanys that would make you think of them in lieu of the Seanster? Let me know).

Mmmmmmm, Johannson........

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

There are so many things to love about this picture. It ranks up there with the Joker messing with the kid's report card for all time awesomeness in comics. Prove me wrong if you can.

BSR

And just to prove it...

Honestly, I am torn here. This one might actually be better, especially when you look at the Joker and how he is pretty much the wost killer in the history of comics (or at least in the top 5 of a list I just don't have the energy to contemplate) and he runs away yelling "HA HA! I've made someone cry!"

Add to that the freaky image that it looks like Past Joker from panel 2 is going to kick Present Kid from panel 3 in the head, completely futzing the space/time continuum and destroying the known universe in the process, and you have yourself a kick ass comic page.

Your votes, please?

BSR

Something I forgot yesterday

While making my random list of bitchiness, I forgot this...

Never trust someone who has their own name tattooed anywhere on their person (usually their arm, but why not cover all the bases). At best, they are narcissistic, at worst, they are such frigging morons they need to refer to their own flesh when someone asks them to identify themselves. And if the questions go beyond name, you probably don't want to see where they keep the rest of the information.

And a corrolary to that, never fuck with someone who has their loved one's name tattood on the FRONT OF THEIR OWN NECK! Their is only one person I know of who has that, but I still think that it is a generally good rule to follow.

Don't say that you haven't been warned.

BSR

See what I mean?

And THIS is that guy. See the front of his neck? It says "Sara". The man got a tattoo ACROSS HIS FREAKING LARYNX! You gotta admit that is one hell of a bigger committment than a ring on your finger. Ain't no way you can pocket that in a bar if you feel like flirting.

D

A

M

N

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Wifey is back and it makes me happy. Momm-O-in-law is back and that means no waking up early on the weekend to walk her dog. Sleep and lovings brings me inner peace.

You have NO idea how hard it was to not spell "peace" another way.

BSR

Randomness All Over Again

Okay, in no particular order...

(Except for this. This is meant to be first) Big congrats to my main man Fineous and his lovely lady Shade (almost a real name for once!) for birthing their kid. I will not mention the child's name or sex because I think that is his call to make. If he wants to make their offspring a quasi-celebrity on a not too widely read blog, he can leave a comment (or he can make the announcement on his own blog). But either way, YAY!!!!

(This is also first. It was a tie) And belated congrats on my former best man and his woman that he made legal for their little poop filled ball of joy.

I figure that with the way our cohorts are popping out those that will keep Social Security solvent for us in our declining years (well, it's a hope) that Wifey and I are probably going to wind up with our own little tax write off in the next couple of years, whether we mean to or not.

I am convinced that somewhere there is a portrait of Minnie Driver that is aging, because she apparently isn't.

It is apparently a rule that in order to work for Bulleye Inc. in the clothes (we call them "softlines") area, you have to be a surly sumbitch. At least if you are north of the outskirts of Baltimore.

If you are a man and not working in a hospital (or maybe even if you are) and you wear Crocs for any reason other than medical (there are some medical advantages to wearing these if you have problems with your feet, like if you are a diabetic) than you are a douche.

Sweating sucks (unless you have one of those good reasons).

I am still pissed that Deadwood is no more, and even though John from Cincinatti is (as far as the little bit that I have seen) pretty good (I am due to catch up on it Larry T.U.N. is telling me that it is well worth it, and he usually has a pretty good eye for that), the fact that it is causing David Milch to postpone or even not do the promised 2 two hour tv movies that would wrap up the series because of how exhausting "John" is (read about it HERE) really grinds my gears, so to speak. I demand gratification HBO and David Milch. DEMAND I say!

I have been addicted to THIS (second from top) for quite a while now. Taste it and tell them I sent you. Maybe they will send me a coupon or something.

Okay. I'm outta breath. You go.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

I forgot my wallet this morning, so I no has had any coffee. This makes me sad. And when I get sad, KOFAY KITTEH attacks people. Do not go into the kitchen cabinet for a mug. You have been warned.

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be

I know, I know. No posts for 3+ weeks, then all of a sudden I am practically spamming the damn place. Well, it is how I operate. So there.

Anyway, last week I stopped at the local grocery establishment on the way to a now previous then future commitment to get a refreshing, chilled beverage. I will not name the establishment by name, going by my long standing stance of not giving the milk away for free. If you want to be mentioned here, you gotta PAY, FOOL!

...sorry. So there I was in a place who's name rhymes with DuperFlesh when I saw the display of CDs and DVDs. The DVDs are usually stuff that I wouldn't buy, but I cannot help but glance over at them. As far as the music goes, I have been known to purchase a CD from the rack. So far (up to that point) I had purchased 2, both happened to be sitting in the very front of the display with their covers displayed prominently. Both were CDs that I had either previously owned or had a kitsch value that made them well worth the $5.99-6.99. So it was when I looked and saw THEM (look up at picture now)

Yes, Living Colour's Greatest Hits. $6.99. I looked at it, read the back cover, and knew that it HAD to be mine. I remember rocking out heartily to LC back in the day, and was eagerly looking forward to doing so again. But after I put it in my truck's CD player I learned something...

They weren't that good.

I need to clarify something here. Living Colour did indeed rock. They were a guaranteed get the party jumping band. But to listen to them now, you realize that they were pretty much formula rock. They were not innovative, nor were they cheesy. They just were. And that is okay. They were never the musicians that REM were (and are), and they were much to good and had too much pride to be grouped with the Warrants and RATTs of the music world. So I listened to the CD a few times, and now it is in the "I haven't played that one in a while" section of the truck's music collection. It will probably end up on the shelf in the "Oh man, I forgot I had this, I gotta play this now" area, to be dusted off occasionally and enjoyed on it's own merits.

But to tell you truth, I had much higher hopes for it.

Wifey is leaving me

...for the weekend. She is taking Momm-O-In-Law away for her berfsday, which is tomorrow (Happy Birthday Momm-O!). Of course, this means that I have the house to myself for the weekend. It also means that I have to take care of Bleu as well as Buttercup, and I do have to work all weekend. So it isn't going to be all that restful. I had to cancel "Guy's Night In" (it never got past the planning stages anyway), which would have consisted of guys hanging out, drinking beer and smoking cigars, grilling animal flesh over hot coals, and general spitting and scratching of one's self (scratching of others only with express written consent of Major League Baseball and may not be disseminated in any form without said consent).

So Wifey is taking her mom away. Sounds nice, right? I think it is a wonderful gesture. Last year she took her to Annapolis, and even though we only live about 35-40 minutes away from Annapolis, they stayed at a bed and breakfast there, which was a cool idea. If they had stayed home they would have maybe made a road trip for a day, but otherwise done what they always do on a weekend. Getting away has its privileges. So with that in mind, where are they going this year? Guess.

Go on, take a guess.

Give up? Okay, I'll tell you.

Wilmington, DE

I will give you a moment to let that sink in.

Is it sunk?

Okay then...

Anyway, I know that Wifey is taking her mom to a spa, and there are other things on the itinerary, but even she will have to admit that Wilmington, DE (I find it is more effective when it is in bold text. I hear that echo-y kind of reverb laden baritone announcer's voice saying it, filling it with portent and meaning) is not exactly known for its tourist trade. I like the tax free shopping. It's cool to go into a McDonald's and know that the price listed on the menu is the EXACT price you are going to pay. It makes math easier. YAY Dollar Menu!

...now I really want a double cheeseburger. Stoopid impressionable stomach!

So I do find the choice a little odd, but I know better than to doubt Wifey's own version of Manifest Destiny.


One last thing. To all the Ronnettes out there who have mentioned designs on me on the off chance of Wifey's premature demise...well...I'll be home all weekend. Alone. With NOBODY to keep me company. All those who don't root for professional football teams from Indiana are welcome to stop by.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Today's OTHER Mood Is...

I haven't posted in a couple of weeks, after the hell that was the last week of June, I neded the first week of July to recover. It didn't all the way work, but I feel a little bit closer to normal (whatever that is). But I couldn't decide what really described me today, so I went for the smorgasboard (does anyone know how to put the dots over the "o"? Is that an umalat, or however the hell the word is spelled?) approach. Enjoy the dichotomy!

Today's Mood Is...

What, too soon?

And my other mood is...

This week is going to be the week of the suck. It is the end of the fiscal year at the hospital, so we are trying to cram as many write-offs in this week as possible. Also, at Bullseye Unlimited (I am nicknaming the night job in a vainglorious attempt to set up a later posting of the rules I must follow about posting about the night job. WHEEEE for the corporate moebius strip!) we have inventory on Friday night into Saturday morning. I volunteered to work inventory back when it was going to be on a Thursday night in August. It got moved due to various company-wide machinations that make no sense to anyone who has sense. Of course, if they had sense, they never would have gotten a job on the board. So there.

Add all that up and you get somewhere around a 90 hour week this week. And to make it even MORE fun, Wifey's birthday is on Thursday. So I am off Wednesday night, and I am going to make her a nice spaghetti dinner and hopefully get her drunk enough to put out without getting so drunk that she passes out and I have to carry her down the stairs. It is a fine line with her and her alcohol tolerance. So wish me luck.

One other thing before I get back to crunching those nasty numbers...I am apparently going to be in a music video. Thy want me to reprise the role that Mick Jagger played in the video of his duet with David Bowie when they covered "Dancin' In The Streets". And before you ask, the woman who cast me is NOT blind or in any way challenged. Nor is she lacking depth perception (or width perception). So when I am on YouTube dancing like Mick Jagger and looking like Mick Jagger crossed with Elvis circa 1975, I'll let you know.

BSR

Today's mood is...

Well hello there. I've never seen you here before. Can I buy you a drink?

Bartender...2 saucers of milk!

Today's Mood Is...

The hills are alive with the sound of Akbar...

Yeah, I am at it again

But it is so much fun!

Star Trek Meets Monty Python

I do not know if I posted this before. I am too busy to look in all my archives to double check. But what the hell, enjoy anyway.

Today's Mood Is...

Paging Mr. Herman. Mr. Herman you have a telephone call...

Today's Mood Is...

This day's worth of entries into the world of Big Shirtless Ron is officially Hank approved.

The Lady or the Whack Job

Yes, I watched the Sopranos finale last night. Seeing how I own all the box sets except for the Season 6 Part 1 (and a big thanks to Fineous who got me started on collecting them by giving me Season 1 lo those many years ago. EVERY one was worth EVERY penny), and I actually pissed of a co-worker at Target to arrange to have the evening off, I figured I had to. And since I woke up today I have heard a LOT of people complaining about the ending...

*****SPOILER ALERT*****

Phil Leotardo's death? Possibly the greatest death on the entire show. Not because of his getting shot in the head right in front of his daughter and baby grandkids. That was kinda mean, even if the sumnabitch deserved a gruesome death for all the crap he had been pulling and the incredibly egotistic power play he was on. But because of what happened after he was whacked, with the SUV. I may have spoiled the fact that he bites it (hard), but you really need to see the actual death for yourself. But other than that, the show was pretty even keeled. And also, it was fraggin' brilliant. A lot of things were tied up, and a lot weren't. Will Sil ever recover? Does Tony get indicted? Does it matter, what with the end scene (more in a second)? Will Paulie and the cat ever come to some kind of an understanding? We might never know.

Do I think that David Chase was just setting us up for the possibility of future episodes or a movie (or movies) down the line? Not really. He isn't much for them, having had a not-so-good experience with the Rockford Files reunion movie under his belt. Plus, James Gandolfini has said that the character is not one he is looking forward to getting back into, since it is such a dark and draining character to portray. I can buy that. Hell, I get exhausted watching him sometimes. So, with that said, the end scene...

Tony is at the diner that was the choice of the family for dinner. A greasy spoon type (if you are local, think Bel Loc), with supposedly the best onion rings in town. And I am willing to bet that Tony knows a thing or two about local establishments and the quality of their onion rings. Anyway, Tony is sitting there waiting for the family to arrive. He scans the jukebox and finally decides on Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" (one other thing about this show. The entire run made some fabulous music choices. This was no different). Tony keeps looking up and around. Carmella walks in. Tony gives her a menu. The song keeps playing. Tony keeps looking around. He is tracking a couple of people (the guy in the Member's Only jacket was my favorite). Are they there to whack him? Are they just random people? Are they possibly FBI? Don't forget, Carlo (I think it was Carlo) turned state witness and Tony was told he had an 80-90% chance of being indicted. A.J. walks in. A couple more people of interest to Tony come in. We see Meadow trying in vain to parallel park. We see from her front bumper that this isn't the first time that she has had problems with this. Tony scans the restaurant. The Member's Only guy looks nervous. He gets up and walks towards them. Meadow still can't park. Member's Only walks past to the bathroom. It seems apparent that Tony is unarmed, but we don't know for sure. Tony looks at the guys at the pastry counter again. The song keeps playing. We hear the bells/chimes that are on the door ring. Tony looks up...

BLACKOUT

Music stops. Credits roll. And a nation of fans sit and stare. Many start to complain. WHAT HAPPENED?!? they cry plaintively. Was it Meadow (who had FINALLY gotten the car parked and had been crossing the street)? Was it someone there to take Tony out? Was it the FBI there to arrest him? Who knows?

After it had sunk in, while I was taking the recyclables out for today's pick up, it hit me. It was the Lady or the Tiger. You remember that story, right? If not, check this out. What was it that came through that door that Tony saw? Death, or life? His end, or (in the guise of his engaged daughter and the promise of family and grandchildren) the continuation of his life? We don't know. It is whatever we want it to be. And THAT is the beauty of the show. Life does not have any neatly wrapped up endings. Every ending in our lives is the beginning of something else. So to with the end of this show. The Sopranos is no more. The characters are. Or are they? WE get to decide what makes sense to us, and we can debate ad infinitum, because no matter what decision we make, it is the correct one. I know what I think. And no, I am not going to tell you, at least not just yet. Make your own decision and let me know what YOU think. That is why I have a comments section.

And a final quick note to the soon-to-be-Daddy Fineous... if college counted, than a lot of things would be different. And not just by SNIPping. But let me know what you need, and I will see what I can do.

The Lady or the BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Why, you ask? Well read on...

The King of Queens

I had to work Saturday night at teh Target (it is currently about 12:30 AM Sunday morning). The usual insanity occurred throughout the evening (apparently I have to be VERY careful about what I say as far as what happens in the store. I got a bulletin about it and everything!). It was after the store closed that the fun began. It started when one of the approximately 200 Ericas that work at the store asked me if anyone ever told me that I look like someone on television. I told her that I have gotten a few comparisons to actors over the years, some I liked better than others. I asked her who I reminded her of, but she kept asking me who I had previously been compared to. Well, after about 2 minutes, my interest in the conversation waned enough that I moved on to other things. This displeased her, as she really wanted to tell me who she thought I looked like. So she came over to me and told me that I remind her of Doug Heffernin (I have no idea if that is how the character's name is spelled. She could not remember the actor's name). In case you (like myself) have no idea who that is, it is the character that Kevin James plays on the King of Queens (right now you are thinking that you now know the reason for this entry's title. If it was that obvious, would I have Fear and Loathing cats up there? Of course not. Keep reading...). I suppose that I could have had a worse comparison. Unless it is because she thinks I have a toupee (or did I just say too much?), in which case I am offended. Of all my many physical imperfections (and if you want the full list, just wait until I piss off Wifey and take her out for a few drinks. I hope you have a few hours to kill, because once she gets started on the list, you will be there for a while), going bald is not currently one of them. But I am sure it won't be long.

Side note, I know that I am growing old, and I know that when men grow older the start to get hair in all sorts of inconvenient places. I can deal with the occasional ear hair and the longer nose hairs. Both are easily pluckable. Is pluckable a word? Damn if it ain't now! The hair that I am having a problem with is the old man eyebrow hair. I keep noticing these long ass hairs in my eyebrows, and they are stubborn bastards. They are inherently not easy to pluck, especially if you are trying to avoid plucking the normal length hairs. And since I have no idea to look like a pale Whoopi Goldberg from the eyeballs to the beginning of my thick and luscious hairline, I have to be VERY careful with those tweezers. Anyone who has any ideas on how to rectify this, please let me know as soon as possible.

Okay, back to Target last night. Something you might not be aware of in regards to Target, they are very accepting of gays and lesbians there. I believe they even offer health benefits to "partners", and I am pretty sure that you can give your partner a discount card, which is only for immediate family. Personally I think that is pretty cool. Whatever one's personal beliefs are, I do not think that they should influence business. Well, at my particular Target, there is a fairly large gay/lesbian contingent. I don't know if contingent is the right word, but it will have to do. Well, after we closed, we were all walking about and doing our respective closing tasks, and someone called for a team member named Shan'te (a female, in case you are unsure). Shan'te shouted out "Who wants Shan'te?" Well Shan'te is one of the more popular team members, she is fun to work with and also quite cute. And so a couple of the guys (not me honey, some of those other lecherous bastards) shouted that they, in fact, wanted her. All in good fun, and everybody was having a good laugh over it. One of the shouters was Harry, a good kid if not more than a little naive (I don't know how to put the little mark thing over the word, so if it reads "nave", I can't help that). I told Harry that his wanting her didn't count since he wanted everybody in the store, including me. That also got a good laugh, including from Harry. Then I told Harry not to feel bad because I wanted him too. Again, a good laugh. and THAT is when the fun began...

As I continued my walk/inspection, a male team member (I will avoid using his name, as I do not think he has come out, although it is pretty much common knowledge at least in the store) came up to me and said to me that he thought that I was married, to a woman. I told him I was. He then became confused since I just hit on Harry, and asked if maybe I was bisexual. I told him nope, except for that one night in college, but college doesn't count (another joke, even though at this point I should have realized that humor interpretation was not a strength of his). He put his hand on my shoulder and asked me if I really thought that the one time in college was enough. Well, I might not be the smartest man in town (if you ask Wifey there are about 200 women in the greater Baltimore area alone that would welcome a dalliance with me. If you ask me I want to know where the hell they were before I started dating her. I of course see none of these obvious signs that these women are apparently projecting whenever I get in range of them. But anyway...), but I knew right then and there that I was being offered more than a buddy to watch the game with. I politely told him that I was in fact truly committed to Wifey, and if she ever leaves me, then after the requisite grieving period I will go out and find another ovaried companion, but that I appreciated the offer (honestly, I had no idea what the hell to say to him, so what I really said was "ummm...no...I'm good. Thanks anyway", then moved on to complete my task).

So, yes. At least for one day, I am truly the King of Queens. Huzzah!

Now I need to go to bed. Work tomorrow morning and then the big Sopranos series finale tomorrow night Larry the Upstairs Neighbor and I are doing a big pot of spaghetti with homemade meatballs and sauce, and some cheesy garlic bread. YUMMERS!

BSR

post script - I just ran Blogger's spellcheck, and apparently "pluckable" is NOT a word. So now you know.