Today's Mood Is...

I was talking about this to one of my regular readers recently, and he told me that I never posted it. So I am posting it today. It feels like a Friday kind of picture. And when I get home, I might just have to re-watch Casino Royale. It is teh awesome!

Today's OTHER Mood Is...

...someone sent me an email that supposedly had a letter that a woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their line of feminie protection products (I don't know if that would be the correct thing to call maxi-pads and tampons. In a way it looks correct, but in another way it looks like the classification for some kind of female-only weapon). Either way, the letter that was sent was very funny, but I have become so jaded by all the b.s. that is sent through the intertubes that I went to Snopes to see if there was any info on it. There wasn't, but there was something about the President of Proctor and Gamble going on Donahue in thte mid 1990's and claiming that part of P&G's profits went to the Church of Satan. Of course that is patently false (and in a case of the pot calling the kettle black, P&G won a lawsuit charging Amway of being responsible for the rumors. Amway accusing ANYONE else of having ties w/Satan smacks to me of "Smelt It vs. Dealt It", the Supreme Court case from 1960). Well, on the Snopes page there was this little piece of artwork. It almost made me snort coffee out of my nose, so I thought I would share it with y'uns.

BSR

Public Awareness is on the rise!

I (metaphorically) ran into an old friend of mine recently, and I remembered that he had sent me this email many moons and about 3 email accounts ago. I thought I would share it with you...

I am pleased to announce that the general knowledge of the public at large appears to be on the rise. Although, this conclusion has not been arrived at through a true scientific test, certain scientific SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures) have been employed. In theorizing that public knowledge has indeed increased, I have used my workplace environment as my sample segment of the population. This environment provides a test group of 207 people, which (given a 5% margin for error) gives a reasonable estimate of the population as a whole. Understanding this, I am pleased to report that the overwhelming majority of the 207 subjects in the test group appear to have a great deal of general knowledge.

Evidence of this can be seen through the constant employment (almost overuse) of the qualitative statement, "I know that's right!". Most subjects appear to have a great deal of this general knowledge, affirming that they know what is correct at least five times within any given hour of the eight hour workday (on the average). The subjects also display great joy in sharing their knowledge as the phrase, "I know that's right!" is often followed by loud and raucous laughter. However, this investigation has also yielded a possible observation of concern. The subjects only exhibited knowledge of what was correct. Not once during the course of this investigation did any of the 207 subjects pronounce, "I know that's wrong!". Why exactly this distinct lack of confirming falsehoods occurs (or rather, does not) still remains a mystery. One possible theory for further investigation is that perhaps in having more knowledge, the population at large has also begun speaking more truthfully, thus making it so that there is no need for confirming knowledge of a false statement. Further research is necessary. Until these tests are performed, however, please rest peacefully, secure in the knowledge that people at least have acquired enough knowledge to "know that's right!"

Today's Mood Is...

Well, I am happy to report that Ebil Kitteh returned home safe and sound. It seems that after a couple of hours of hunting with no success, she decided that while her evil overlords might keep her locked up in this multi-leveled dungeon of horrors, at least it was warm and there was always food. It even makes Ebil Puppeh seem like a fair trade.

Wifey saw her standing by the front window yesterday a little bit before noon. Since she got out the back door and was last seen in the rat-tree, I can only assume that she came to the back door and window and got no response since I was at work and Wifey had concluded "Screw you, you ungrateful ball of fur and bitchiness" and gotten on with her daily routine. So Kitteh had to come around the block and figure out which house was ours and get in the window and get someone's attention.

According to Wifey, Kitteh tried to play it off with a quick "hey, what's happenin? Mind if I come in and hang witcha for awhile?" attitude while waiting to be let in, but as soon as she got in the house she ran STRAIGHT to the food and water bowls and stuffed her face like there was not going to be a tomorrow. Apparently hunting in vain takes a lot out of you.

Kitteh did bring home one treat though, and that would be the smell of rat. All of that hunting and rolling around got her quite pungent. Wifey wanted to wait until I got home to give her a bath, knowing that carnage would ensue, but the odor was too much for her, especially when Wifey tried to nap and Kitteh tried to make nice with her by trying to cuddle. So Wifey bathed her. If Wifey is so inclined, she can leave a comment explaining just how it went.

Finally a quick shout out and thanks to Larry The Upstairs Neighbor for the link that is attached to the title. It is NSFW, but still funny as all hell.

Talk to you all next time, you ungrateful balls of fur and bitchiness!

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

...worried. It seems that evOl kitteh decided to use my sleep starved brain to escape her evil overlords (you know, the ones that feed her and pet her and clean up her poop. Wifey and me). This morning I got up a little earlier than usual to put out the trash (we try not to put it out until the morning it is being picked up in order to curtail rat activity in our yard). I staggered over to the door, paused for a moment to rub the sleep out of my eyes, then opened the door. Little Bastard Kitty (which will be her name for the foreseeable future) RAN out. I almost grabbed her, but my coordination isn't the best when I am still 3/4 asleep. Wifey and I spent over 30 minutes trying to get her back in, going from cajoling to pleading to "come here dammit!". Nothing worked. She wound up climbing into an evergreen tree that has rat holes underneath of it. I believe she is going to be hunting until she captures a rat, or until she gets hungry. Right now the over / under is 50/50 on which will happen first. It's even money folks. No point in betting unless you have some insider information.

I am hoping that before I have to go to Bullseye Inc. she will be back in the house, pissed off at us for the bath she was subjected to, and randomly attacking furniture and ceiling tiles. You know, back to normal.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

I promise that sometime this week I will post something of some significance. And for those who follow the sports blog, there will be a detailed post coming on that this week also. Unfortunately I have a coworker on maternity leave, and her being absent the last 2 months has put EVERYBODY else in the hole. If rumors that abound are true, she will be back, and that right soon. So look for my ability to slack while at work to increase at least tenfold.

I did want to post something though. And this morning Wifey gave me the perfect thing to post.

It was about 3:30 or 4 this morning when I got up because I had to go potty. After finishing my dirty sinful business, I washed my hands and returned to the bed. Wifey had thrown her arm across the bed into the spot that was needed for my back in order for me to be horizontal, so I gently moved it. This woke Wifey up, or to be more accurate, this caused Wifey to approach a level of semi-consciousness that would allow some mumbling while rolling over. Well, Wifey did wake up a bit, moved her arm and allowed me to get into bed. Then, as I lay on the bed about to pull the covers back up over me, she patted me on the thigh and said "Happy Birthday".

At the time of her well wishes it was March 3rd. My birthday is April 9th.

Maybe she was dreaming of what she is planning for me for my birthday. Maybe she was just confused. Maybe there WAS some magic in that old silk hat I found.

(And just to be sure, I searched Sean Bean's birthday. It is April 17th. But I am pretty sure that she already knew that)

So a Very Happy (and extremely early) Birthday to me. But even with these well wishes, I don't care if she gets a head cold, I am NOT hanging out in a greenhouse. I ain't melting for NOBODY!

BS(FTS)R

Today's Mood Is...

I don't feel good. Outside is snow / freezing rain / hail / back to freezing rain / back to hail / frogs / etc... I have to work at Bullseye tonight and tomorrow night. I have 2 shows in 3 days, with a rehearsal smack dab in the middle (in case I am feeling rusty).

Meh.

Today's Mood Is...

...with a side of...

Politikal sarkazm. I haz it.

But my uncle was framed!

I smell old people...

...to be more precise, I smell LIKE old people. I have done something to screw up my neck / back / shoulder and have had to have Wifey apply liberal amounts of Bullseye Inc. brand version of Ben Gay the last couple of days. It is not an aphrodisiac. At least not yet. I am sure that when I am 65 and in the home the smell of Icy Hot will stir feelings and hopefully other things assuming they can still be stirred, but for now it is not teh pleasant.

Today's Mood Is...

And I mean it from the heart of my bottom.

Random Valentine Goodness! Feel free to share with your friends and loved ones!

But wait, there's more!..........

More Love For You...

Nope, we ain't done yet...

Radar Love...

...and we continue...

...........more..............

In case you hadn't noticed, www.somethingawful.com did a photoshop contest for Star Wars Valentines. I saved pretty much all of them. I am going to use them now.

...I should be working right now, but I'm not...

almost...there...

.....

Now witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational Valentine's Day Mega Post!

Okay, that's it. I was going to start posting all of my "I'd hit it" pics, but I have to do some REAL work at SOME point while I am here. They are paying me (kinda) to do it, after all.

I cannot make this kind of crap up

Once again I do not know from where the topic came, but JJ and the Hens (kinda like Josie and The Pussycats, only old and wrinkly and not at all hittable - and yes I consider both the live action stars and the cartoon characters on which they were based hittable) are talking about some 16 year old that killed his parents, then his brothers and sisters. That is nothing but tragic, no matter the circumstances. But the thing that made me mention this morbid topic is that they were all saying "I can see killing the parents, but why the brothers and sisters? What did they do?"

So matricide and patricide is cool, but not offing your brother? How very Greek tragedy of them. I hope none of them named their kids "Antigone".

And if anyone reading this just pronounced that "anti gone", as in the opposite of "pro stay", PLEASE look it up.


PLEASE.

I don't know if I am more disturbed by the crime or the tacit approval of parent killing around here.

Interlude...

The Hens are OUT OF CONTROL today! And not even because it is Valentine's Day. No no no, they went on a tangent of epic proportions, going from Valentine's Day to getting diamonds for Valentine's Day to a dissertation on the veracity of the movie Blood Diamond and now are dishing over the most recent episode of Moment of Truth and how (it is apparent) the lying cheating dog that was on there. And I have just learned that next week there will be a Mormon boy on the show! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh! They cannot wait for that one because they want to know if he hates his parents for being raised as a Mormon. Because being raised as a Mormon would obviously lead to parental issues.

It also seems that someone somewhere (it could have been on that show that they are still cluckign over, but it might be something completely different) that a lot of black people have a good deal of European in them, and not a lot of Indian in them (that is pretty much a direct quote, at least in terminology). I cannot speak for any of that with any degree of certainty since I have not done any research on this. But I can say with some level of certainty that while I do not know for sure the amount of European in Wifey (at least percentage wise), I plan on making sure she has some European in her this weekend.

Subtlety. I haz it.

Today's Mood Is...

That is verbatim. From what, I do not know.

Click on the pic for embiggination and readability for hilarity purposes.

Today's Mood Is...

Wifey had her wisdom teeth pulled yesterday. She is on some very fun (for me) drugs. Right now she is passed out on the couch, having little Kafka dreams that her to moan things like "Oh boy!".

I don't know what to tell you.

I need a beer.

All the things print to fit...

Oh, I see what you did there...

Okay, this will not be a full on, 27 paragraph missive, but I am going to give you some of my long promised updating to my life.

Wifey is in fact back from NY. However, she was just back up there for another round of auditions, including one for a national tour. So for all I know, in a couple of months I will be all alone again, just me and a dog and a cat and an upstairs neighbor and an internet connection...

And possibly a year's supply of kleenex...

ANYWAY, I have now been smoke free for 37 days. One of the benefits of Wifey getting fired from G-Hellhole (those who worked there can figure out how to pronounce that) was that we had to switch over to my insurance from Moleville. Well, since Moleville is part of a major hospital that is part of a major worldwide university system (have I finally said too much?), we have excellent insurance. The pay might be shitty, but the insurance is AWESOME! So finall the Chantix was covered, and with the help of Pfizer and a modest co-pay, I quit smoking as of the new year. And as of today I have not slipped up once. So that is a good thing. It also made Wifey's surgery a lot cheaper. But there is one thing that Chantix does not help with, and that is temper. I will fully admit to being a bit cranky at first, so I was glad that Wifey was not at home for the first few days. But if the old lady who cut me off on North Avenue is reading this, I am so sorry for telling you to go do those things. Especially to who I told you to do them to. I am pretty sure that those things are not even legal to do. So I take it back. But next time use your turn signal please. And if you can make sure that your car is actually clear of my car so that I don't have to slam my brakes in order to keep my front end in its current configuration I would really appreciate it.

Jabberjaws has been in a lot more recently. Luckily for her, by the time she started coming in more often I was past the DIE YOU MOTHER#$%&!@ stage of my quitting. I did learn from boss #1 of 247 (bosses ranked in order of recognition of bossitude, not for any personal ranking, just in case one of the other 246 bosses reads this) that her husband is (contrary to all of our theories) just as talkative as she is, which amazes me. With the amount of time they spend camping out in their RV, you would figure that two people who consume that much oxygen on a regular basis in that enclosed of a space would have caused one of them to die from asphyxiation by now, or for them to create such a vacuum of air that the RV would actually implode, possibly taking out a few square miles of campground with them. Maybe I need to brush up on my physics theories.

During one of her rants the other day (possibly yesterday, now that I think of it) I leaned that JJ's husband collects pancake mixes from around the world. Now, with all due respect to Larry the Upstairs Neighbor (who could live on pancakes and potatoes and never be wanting for anything), that has got to be one of the stupidest things I have ever heard of. She went on and on about how he has blueberry mix, pecan mix, butter pecan mix, walnut mix...until I actually could no longer bite my tongue (besides, I was getting up to leave so that I could come home and pick up Wifey for her appointment with the tooth DR, so I knew that no matter what happened I was going to be saved). I looked her right in the eye and told her that THAT was one of the most fascinating hobbies I had ever heard of. Then I walked out the door and left her to the Hens.

Sometimes when you see an open door you HAVE to go through it, and every once in a while hearing JJ ramble on is more melodious than hearing Kenny G's song repeated over and over until you feel like Bill Murray.

Don't drive angry.

BSR

PAININ!!

It is.

Today's Mood Is...

I know I keep promising to you a big sweeping update on all things BSR, but now is not the time. Literally, since this time I didn't change the post time to make it the last one for the day. However, a proposed law banning resteraunts from serving obese people is something I have to share before I go pass out for the evening.

I know that resteraunts are living through the smoking ban, but except for buffets, I fail to see how this could lead to anything but financial ruin for the dining industry. And what do you do for drive thrus? What if the lardass is in the passenger seat (this could lead to record profits for Checkers and a much longer line at the right side drive thru)? Would this lead to fatties standing outside of McDonalds, begging skinny people to go in and buy them a Double Quarter Pounder like 16 year olds in front of a liquor store? Or would it lead to a massive increase in frozen White Castle being bought in grocery stores? It boggles the fat mind.

Dammit, now I am hungry.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

BOOF! Upside yo' head, I said BOOF upside yo' head!!!!

I think that if the 16th President of the United States of America was a modern day bear / cat (I am not quite sure which one he is, but I am leaning towards cat) who spent time as a gangsta rapper, he would look and sound amazingly like this. It is almost spooky how realistic this would be.

Still st-rug-ga-ling

You need to read that in the voice of a drunk Joe Namath to get the full effect of what st-rug-ga-ling really means. But I promise to be back next week. Early next week. I am aiming for Monday, so as to not interfere with the Tuesday update of the Sports Blog. I am trying folks. I am trying.