Today's Mood Is...

I got your 11 herbs and spices RIGHT HERE!

Best 2 out of 3 falls...

I used to be quite the "mark" for wrestling. After I learned the truth behind wrestling (I grew up during the "kayfabe" era, not like the current days where professional wrestling is referred to as "sports entertainment"), I still enjoyed watching it strictly for its entertainment value. Hell, I still enjoy watching it on that rare evening that I am home and it is on. So that is why I am getting such a kick out of what happened yesterday, when my lovely Wifey decided to take on the furniture in a no holds barred cage match. Guess who won...

So while I am here at work, Wifey and I communicate through Yahoo IM (FREE PLUG ALERT). Wifey keeps to a fairly regular schedule while she is home, she wakes up and has some coffee, takes the dogs for a walk, comes back and exercises, does her Bible Study, and does some work from home. Mingled amidst all of this are bouts of housecleaning and Internet surfing. And sometimes, massive amounts of carnage and head trauma.

Wifey decided that the curtains in the living room needed to be washed. I am sure that they did, but in typical man thought, I had not noticed. Now (for those of you who have never seen my house) we live in a typical Baltimore City rowhome / townhouse. Not one of the more narrow ones, one of the more square shaped ones (locals know what I mean). The living room in our abode is really not all that big, and the fake fireplace takes up the majority of the only wall not interrupted by either a doorway or windows (we use the fireplace and the mantel as the place to hold out TV and other entertainment equipment. Not TOO white trash, I hope...). The radiator is along the window ledge. The curtains are above the windows. Do you see where this is going?

No, Wifey did not light the house (or the furniture) on fire (much to my surprise). Instead, she chose to try to navigate around the radiator in order to get the curtains down (because I was not home and we have not invested in a step ladder as of yet because usually we just wait until I am home, or until Larry the Upstairs neighbor is home. He has no regards for any human life, including his own, so he is a safe bet to do anything we need. We just have to preface it by saying "I bet you can't...").

Before we used the mantel for the television, we had a TV stand we got from Target or Kmart or some damn store. It was functional and served its purpose. After we upgraded our TV and decided that putting it up on the mantel gave us more space to work with in what really is a pretty cramped living area, we moved some old VHS tapes onto the shelves, and use the top shelf for candles and flowers and all that crap (can you figure out who decorates the place?). And the bottom shelf, the left hand edge (as you are facing the thing) sticks out a little further than the other two...

It seems that the shelf in question offended Wifey's delicate sensibilities. So she decided to pull a Harley Race and do a flying headbutt to the damn thing. Except she decided to lead with the BACK of her head, which is a curious finishing move to say the least. Eventually a double count out disqualification was ruled the final decision.

I would like to take a minute here to say that I have read storied about little children who see a parent hurt and call 911. I have even seen stories of a family pet, usually a dog, doing things along those lines (I am too lazy too look that up. But I know I have heard of it happening. Look it up if you are so damn interested). Well according to Wifey (and we do have to keep in mind that she had just reverse headbutted an entertainment center and might not be the best reference point for this, but she is all we have to go on here) BOTH dogs ran away as she fell and didn't come back up until they heard her moving around again after some undetermined length of time (Wifey has not given me an exact timeline. I do not plan to force the issue). The cat kept circling her like a vulture, waiting for the end of life so that she could begin to feast on the eyeballs and entrails of her oppressor. And then she (the cat) would set her trap for me in order to finish the forced captivity. But since Wifey never stopped breathing (and apparently didn't even get a concussion) the cat was forced to continue biding her time. For now...

All of this happens after she tells me that she is going to go off and do her Bible Study. As a rule, I don't email / IM / call / talk to her during this time, for obvious reasons. So I am here at work, completely unaware that in my own house there is a retelling of the Undertaker / Mick Foley Hell in a Cell match going on in my living room, with an old entertainment center subbing for an announcer's table. So to say that I am (and all at the same time) frightened beyond belief that this happened and if she had been seriously injured there would have been no way of knowing for God only knows how many hours, relieved beyond measure that she wasn't seriously hurt, and has only a twisted knee and a diminishing goose egg on her head (and when you consider what the outcome COULD have been, well, those are VERY minor injuries), and disappointed beyond description that my beloved Wifey, who poo-poos professional wrestling every time it comes up either on TV or in conversation, was secretly practicing to be the newest member of GLOW behind my back.

All of this does lead me to a somewhat serious point, and that is the cost of health insurance. For all of the problems that working for Kernan gave me (and believe me, there were a lot more than I ever REALLY talked / bitched about here), I did have excellent health insurance. And if Wifey and I had it when my body went all kookoo a couple of years ago, we probably wouldn't be in the financial straits that we are in right now. We did have Wifey's insurance at the time (if we hadn't odds are I would be typing this from a Commodore 64 while hiding in my parent's attic because Wifey and I would have had to sneak in there after we filed for bankruptcy. I think my mother would figure it out since she hangs out upstairs more than my father does, so she would eventually see us sneaking to the bathroom), but the co-pays and deductibles with her insurance paled to what I had from UMMS. Now I (and Wifey) are without health insurance until sometime early next year (it should kick in in January), because COBRA would have cost us almost as much as my checks are (and no, that is not an exaggeration. And THAT is sad) after taxes. So I have put a moratorium on any housecleaning that could be viewed as potentially dangerous (cleaning the bathroom constitutes an acceptable level of danger. Randomly adjusting ceiling tiles does not. Light bulb changes will be decided on a case by case basis, depending on location of light to other sources of light and to things like stairwells and freestanding water).

Coming up soon, the return of GAY DRINK NIGHT!

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Narrow Face is rocking out to the Lite FM again. The problem is that, especially earlier in the morning, my mind is not nearly as capable of filtering out background noise. And if that background noise is a low volume radio station playing innocuous rock, and certain people listening to the station like to sing along, well...

For the last 30 minutes I have had "Turn around Bright Eyes" looping through my head. You might remember that as the closing refrain from "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler (WHY THE HELL DO I REMEMBER THAT?!?!?!). The very end where the guy is singing falsetto.

OVER AND OVER AND OVER...

And now she just finished singing along to "King of Pain" by The Police. I do think that is a better song (of course, how could it compare to Bonnie Tyler? I celebrate her entire catalog). But listening to it performed by Sting is one thing. Hearing it performed by the Nasal Dundalk Queen is a WHOLE 'NOTHER ANIMAL.

I have not been a regular drinker since my days working and hanging out in Fell's Point. If this continues at this pace, I might just go back to the dark side.

The dark side has pie...

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

I dreamt last night of a meal consisting only of BLTs. I do not know why, I have no idea what could have caused this to happen, but I could probably eat 2 whole packages of bacon right now and not question it at ALL.

BSR

It was bound to happen...

I am not known for my skills with a sketchbook and pencil, nor for my abilities with a canvas and paint. So with MS Paint, you are really stretching the bounds of my meager abilities. But I shall carry on...

I have my first enemy (or at least, the first person that I am going to have to start making snarky, pithy comments about here in regards to the new and improved interactive Office Space). I tried to find a picture that I thought would do her justice, but there was not anything that struck my fancy. So instead, I have decided to name her in a way that invokes the best of Dick Tracy's Rogue's Gallery...

Narrow Face

...I am convinced that her left eye is in the right socket and the right eye is in the left socket. It is scary, especially since her profile just shows a slightly larger and pointier than normal nose. But once she is facing you...

Anyway, she is officially on the list because she has some traits from some of my favorite people to bitch about from Kernan. To wit...

• Likes to say "Smuckers" in lieu of saying "shit", reminicent of Asian Mustard Lady's "Sugar Honey Iced Tea"
• Has that annoying habit of liking to talk a lot (not nearly as much as Jabberjaws, but still it is an annoying habit to have. And to top it off she likes to play the local "Jack" station and sing along.
• And to make it that much better, she has an accent straight from the Bel-Loc Diner by way of Middle River, and her voice is on the nasally side to boot (of course, after seeing that nose and the way her entire face is being sucked towards it like it has some extra gravitational pull - maybe there is a Large Hadron Collider in her nasal cavity? - and her tone is not surprising)

There are other things that I am sure are going to come out in the wash, like her prediliction towards wearing those top / bottom combos that kind of look like pajamas, with the thin, not quite sweatpant material for the pants and the top is usually kind of gaudy (today is kind of subdues, gray bottoms and gray with white polka dots for the top). Also, she doesn't understand a basic concept of fast food (or retail in general). If you choose a value meal (or some kind of value pack), you cannot use a coupon for a free sandwich, unless you are buying an additional sandwich. It is already discounted, you don't get ANOTHER discount.

I have always been annoyed when peoplpe cannot grasp that simple concept.

I gotta go grab some lunch. Be back later (or tomorrow, hopefully)

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Where's my posse?!?!?!?!?

Today's Mood Is...

...OR my high horse...

BSR

I might be in Trouble. With a capital "T" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for...

Yes, there is a Polock Johnny's right down the street from my new office.

I HAVE to fill you in on my new office. Once I start working here more often (this is the first day that the software that I need to do my job has been operational here, so it is the first day I have been here for more than an hour and a half), I will let you know. Currently I am working on nicknames.

I do have to apologize for not updating at all in the last week or so, the changeover (and extra commuting from home to office to old office) has been EXTRA fun, so I have been extra swamped. However, C3PO the Robot Translator Lawyer mentioned last night that he has been looking for an update, and since he is fluent in free legal advice (and snark) in over 6 million different forms of communication, I have to keep him on my good side. Besides, he usually laughs at my jokes, and he makes one hell of a grilled meal. And whenever he comes over he brings beer and pie. And honestly, if you come to my house bearing beer and pie, you will be welcomed. If Charles Manson came to my door with a pecan pie in one hand and a 12 pack of Yeungling in the other, I would helter his skelter right in the house and let him have a conversation with the dog while I feasted.

One problem with the setup here as opposed to Kernan, the cubicles are much more like prefabricated housing along a thoroughfare than an actual area of cubicles. I am currently facing a wall, with my back to the walkway. Those that are across from me are looking into open space, with THEIR backs to the same pathway. The problem is that there is not nearly the same amount of cover / subterfuge available for one such as me who would like to release a little steam from the rear port area (I used to keep a bottle of Febreeze at my desk in case I thought it was getting too bad). Now I have to hold it in.

I might look a little bloated the next time you see me.

BSR

Today's Reveal Is...

It is time to tell you a little bit about what I am leaving behind...









I would hope you know who this is in real life, but in case you don't, her name is Linda Carter. One of the Hen's name is Linda Carter. Linda is one of the less annoying Hens, for the most part we got along well and liked each other. There were a few moments of tension here and there, but I guess that is to be expected from any long term working relatinoship. I will definitely miss working with her.

This is Sybella (I did a GIS for the first names and found that 99% of the first 3 or 4 pages for almost everyone was really hot chicks with almost no clothing on. Seeing how I am describing middle aged women with multiple children (except for Josh, who I will get to in a minute), the thought of posting a bunch of cheesecake pictures didn't work for me. Sybella is the one that I had the most fun playfully picking on, and she returned the favor in spades. She may have taken about 9 months to learn my name, but she never let me forget that she knew that I was here. I will miss her, too.

There is no one named Jetun on the internet. So I searched for "the lurker" and found this. Yes, the Lurker is named Jetun. She was my confidant here, and the one I could always look to when things got inane / stupid / shotgun worthy. I will probably miss her most of all.

Julie. There are 2 Julie's here. One I kinda know, one I know a little better, and I like her a lot. She is one of the lucky ones (one of the ones that has a real office with a door that she can shut when the Hens get too riled up. She is opinionated and has that twinkle in her eye / voice that I always appreciated. And I think that she knew that she had an ally in me.

You should know this person's name. The first name is the same as the person in question.

Tina.

She is the one who started 99% of the conversations that made me want to tear out my hair and start cock slapping people. She is the one who HAD to tell us all about what happened on Dancing with the Stars and how offended she was that Clay Aiken came out of the closet. HE HAS A KID! He shouldn't be allowed to have a child if he is gay! He will make the child gay!

Yup.

Tina became the one that annoyed me the most after Asian Mustard Lady went off to the upper, above ground levels of the hospital, then eventually to the medical center downtown. She is the one that I am going to be most tempted to walk up to, drop my pants, and fart in her face as I prepare to leave for the day.

The thing is, she never meant to be annoying. And to everyone else down here she wasn't (I guess). But she drove me up a damn wall.

But of course, you know I am saving the BEST for last...

The BIG reveal...

You know, I was going to talk about Josh the Mormon Finance Expert (the one who was hired to figure out ways for the hospital to save money), who I think came up with the idea to outsource my means of income. The thing is, I don't blame him. He was hired to do a job and he did it. How can you fault him for it? It would be like holding Carole responsible for taking a job that as better for her because it was worse for me. It's not his fault. And since we didn't really work together or talk all that often, I am giving him a pass. Besides, Tina annoys him, too. Although with the two of them I think it has a lot more to do with un-acted upon sexual tension (but the thought of the two of them, well just be glad you don't know what they actually look like. It is enough to make even ME want to skip a meal or two).

Allen is the guy in charge of the IT department, and he is an ass. There is no other way to say it. He is a tyrant, and I have seen more turnover in the It department than I have in a bakery (ZING!). But I never really had to deal with him in any other way than his duplicitous best, since he always glad handed me whenever we talked. He's a schmuck, but he really isn't worth any more words than I have already used on him.

So that leaves just ONE person...

Jabberjaws

Jabberjaws' real name is Elaine. Her last name is Zimmerman. Why am I telling you this? Because I want to make sure if you ever see that name in relationship to you or your life YOU RUN THE HELL AWAY AND DO NOT LOOK BACK, because she will be following you like something out of a George Romero movie. One of the main reasons I chose to work from home on Wednesdays, besides the fact that it was my day off from Bullseye Inc. and it gave me a day of rest, was because Wednesday was Elaine Day at Kernan Hospital (HIDDEN REVEAL!!!11!!!). I thoroughly enjoyed not seeing her for months at a time. I think in the last year I saw her twice. Until...

Monday. Yes, she came in on Monday because she wouldn't be able to come in on Wednesday. So I got an unexpected dose of pain to start the week, and to welcome me back from my long weekend of being off from both jobs (I gave myself a 2 day vacation. I am such a selfish bastard). And she was in as rare a form as ever. Jetun was emailing me over and over again (Jetun had the unfortunate position of being in the cubicle directly in front of her, and due to the placement of the desks in said cubicles, she has to face her whenever she is in. But don't think that stopped Elaine from talking to ALL of us. At one point when I was trying to convince her that Wifey was not an actor but instead was a lumberjack (don't ask), she came over and looked at the picture of Wifey that (until this morning when I packed up the stuff from my desk) sits prominently in MY cubicle and commented that because of Wifey's noticeable assets (she was wearing a corset type thingy under her wedding dress, making her already noticeable gifts THAT much more prominent as she CLIMBED OUT OF THE LIMO) that there was no way she could be a lumberjack (and while telling me of her Sherlock-like observations, her own sandbag-esque - haven't been fun since Coolidge was President - "funbags" were randomly swinging around under her blouse, hitting me on the shoulder 3 or 4 times. And now Wifey knows why I have had trouble sleeping this week).

After about 3 hours of her, I realized that I no longer had to give a shit about her, and I felt incredibly free. However, I didn't want to offend her OUTRIGHT, so I started talking about black holes. I postulated that if black holes absorb all matter, wouldn't they eventually get so heavy that they could no longer HOLD all that matter, and wouldn't the matter then find an exit port SOMEWHERE and come spewing out in a constant stream?

Everyone got it but her. SYBELLA even got it. And that should tell you how UNSUBTLE I was being. Elaine is just that damn clueless.

But I couldn't leave here without leaving her something. And since whenever anyone uses her cubicle area on any of the 4 days per week that she isn't here she freaks out I left about 15 things that I no longer need from my cubicle in her area. I also put up a Jewish New Year calendar that I got from SuperFresh up on her wall, because if ANYONE is known for her being of the people and having her finger on the pulse of a multicultural workspace, it would be Elaine.

I have to go now, the first "surprise" going away party is about to start. I can smell the pizza.

Today's Mood Is...

DON'T LOOK BEHIND THAT CURTAIN!!!!!!!!!

Okay, it is my last week here in Moleville, and I am all about revealing a little more of the day to day insanity.

The Mother Hen? She shares the same name as the lady up above (above this sentence. Not getting TOO ethereal here). Esther is ther one that likes to cluck about EVERYTHING, and arrange all these team building activities that she is convinced fosters closer working relationships. She is also the one that likes to send emails to everyone down here in the billing office from the refridgerator reminding us to take out our stuff that has been here too long or it will be thrown out (and honestly, if I haven't finished off that lasagna that I brought in back in mid July, what makes you think that I care about the disposable Glad brand tupperware?). Only she cannot spell "fridge", so we get emails from the frig.

I can't make up this kind of crap.

She is also the one hat complains to your boss about your radio being too loud, but Lord help you if you have a problem with her Elvis or Beach Boys music.

But since I am leaving her behind, I can forgive all of that.

bitch.

Today's Mood Is...

I really hope that this works, unlike the GIF's I posted the other day

Today's Mood Is...

No, it does rule. Do not argue with the Dark Lord of fabrics.

Time to clear out some files...

I have a bunch of pics I have saved on my computer here at Paroleville. Some I am keping for future use here, but there are some that I just don't want to hold back from you.

And.....begin!

wheeeeeeeeeeeee!

Today's Mood Is...

I do have anew job lined up. But I don't know if I "love" it. So I am looking for people who want to pay me for to do THIS.

I am excellent at it. One of the best around. And I am willing to travel to do it. You can send me pretty much anywhere you want. I don't even need a fancy hotel.

Let me know if you know anyone.

Today's Mood Is...

with a bonus helping of...

Okay, here it is...

First, apologies go out to C3PO the Translator Lawyer for him having to find out about my life's upheavals here and not through a personal phone call. Maybe if the two of us hadn't been skipping trivia for the last month and a half it wouldn't have come to this.

Now, with that out of the way, on to business. My last day here in Moleville is September 26th. On the 29th I begin my new job, which is my old job. Confused? You won't be, after this episode of Soap...

Sorry.

But seriously, I have been hired by the company that is taking over my job, and will be doing my job THERE. What does all of this mean? Well, it means a little more in pay, at least to start. No 401K yet, but they are working to set that up (it is a smaller company, but it looks like it is set to grow. More on that in a sec). After 90 days, health bennies they pay 70% and I pay 30. But there is no extra charge for family. So that is another benefit.

And now for the best part...

This company (like this hospital before I got here), doesn't understand one damn thing about dental billing. Why is that good? Because they are interested in expanding their dental billing area once they learn what it is and how they can profit from it. And THAT is where I really come in. I talked to them about that very thing before they even offered me a job. They mentioned that they didn't know the first thing about dental billing, and I told them that I thought it was an untapped market. Apparently my thoughts on how dental billing could expand business, and that no one is really doing it, and they decided to offer me a job and talk to me about leading them into that expansion once they get the hang of the dental part. So there is the opportunity for moving up in the company, if I can show them how they can make a profit on it.

I actually have to go to a meeting this morning with them and my soon to be former boss about the transition, so I have to go now. But hopefully tomorrow I will be able to start pulling back the curtain on all the asshattery that I have only been alluding to all these years. I might just turn into required reading, kiddies!

Beginning to pull back the curtain

If you know anything about wrestling, you know who this is. If you don't, well, his name is Jim Ross. And he is pretty much universally considered one of if not the best announcer in the history of the business, and definitely the top working right now. So why is he here? Because I am taking great pains to make sure that if I feel the need to call out someone for their being an ass, that you know who I am talking about, and who I am not talking about. And while the Jim Ross pictured above is a fan of the Oklahoma Sooners, I have decided to not hold that bit of poor decision making against him, and say that I LIKE this Jim Ross. However, there is another Jim Ross. One that works here, as the boss of the boss of my soon to be former boss (didja follow THAT?). He is high above Moleville, and he even has a title. It is a five word title. I don't know what it is, but the acronym for his title is FACHE. Which I have always pronounced "FA-chee".

I was just at a farewell party for my soon to be former boss. From this point on I will just call her Carole, because that is her first name, and I don't have anything bad to say about her. But at this farewell party, not only was I subjected to having to at least feign interest in the words of the man who is Carole's boss, the man who decided offhandedly to outsource my (and many other loyal, hard working people's) job(s), make lame attempts at humor while explaining what HE went through when he heard that he was losing Carole (he also went on and on about how he was originally the boss of the man he replaced, the man who hired Carole away) in what I can only interpret as a vainglorious attempt to re-establish his alpha male identity in the confines of the hospital, I was also forced to listen to and watch the jackass that I always called "FA-chee" as he sat there on a table (so his Napoleonic complex wouldn't get the best of him), his stubby legs swinging back and forth like Carol Ann as he surveyed his minions eating chicken salad wraps and meatballs and drinking overly sweetened punch, watching the managers of the hospital mingle with each other while those of us with our heads on the chopping blocks sat around. I was half expecting to have to get together as a group and face him, saying in unison "Those of us who are about to die SALUTE YOU!" But we didn't have to do that. Which was nice.

The wraps were pretty tasty, too.

But I told you all of this in order to introduce you to one of the men who caused BSR to have one of the worst weeks EVER. And since I just watched him glad hand a bunch of people who's lives he ruined without a hint of remorse, I can only call him...

TWO-FACHE!

T-22 and counting.

BSR

Welcome...TO THE CRASSNESS

Have you ever taken a crap so massive that when you finished your pants actually were looser? I had to use a new hole on my belt this morning. It isn't exactly how I planned to lose weight, but I'll take it.

Today's Mood Is...

...with an extra helping of...

What does all of this mean? Pleaso, oh PLEASE BSR explain these images to us!

I'll tell you on Monday or Tuesday. In the meantime, have a bitchin' 3 day weekend to all of those who actually hav days off. I don't, but I wish you all the best.

Today's Mood Is...

...with a side of...

Just in case you didn't have enough reasons to hate NAFTA...

I had a meeting with one of the bosses here at the many headed hydra of Moleville. It is the boss that I actually like. The one that actually hired me. The one that is leaving in two weeks to go work for her old boss (the one who was her boss here when I was hired, making him my old boss, too...oh the hell with it, you know what I mean here). It seems that my job is being "outsourced" (I can only assume to India or Pakistan, because that is where all the outsourced jobs seem to go). So sometime within the next month or so, after the "transition period" I will be down to one job. Of course, that will not make the mortgage company or the credit card issuer happy. So I am now officially job hunting.

I have been told that there are possibilities within the company, as well as externally (and they said that they would be assisting me with my job search be it internally or externally, including paying me to go on job interviews with outside companies. As my grandfather was wont to say, ain't that awfully white of 'em).

The bad part is that my soon to be former boss is feeling horrible about this. The hospital has decided to use her as the impetus for screwing over the staff, saying that her "following her wonderful new career opportunity" is the reason for all of this. Now it is true that they would not have dared to do this if she was staying here. she had too much clout. But this place (hell the entire overall operation for this named after the state university medical system) has been bleeding out trying to cut corners for the last 6-9 months. They actually hired a guy to look at cost effectiveness, who figured out that if they remove something like 2 trashcans per floor the hospital will save $5000 or some insane figure like that (because of less money spent on trashcan liners and less man hours emptying the cans and relining them and so forth). I am not saying that it isn't true, but if you as an organization have gotten to the point that you are talking about eliminating two trashcans, well, maybe you should look at some of your other business practices first. Maybe you could have not spent thousands of dollars putting in those battery powered paper towel dispensers (and added the cost of replacing the batteries) when the manual "pull the towel out of the dispenser with your hands" dispenser was working just fine. Especially since you have to keep refilling the old dispenser because the new one is too high for anyone in a wheelchair or otherwise disabled to use, AND YOU ARE A DAMN REHAB HOSPITAL WHERE THE MAJORITY OF YOUR PATIENTS ARE IN A DAMN WHEELCHAIR!!!!!!!

Sorry, I was attacked by logic. And logic will not be silenced.

So, if any of you are hiring, or know someone who is, let me know. I might just be very interested.

And don't you worry, I am sure that as my time here grows shorter I will get snarkier, and mayhap I will even start revealing names and numbers!

What have I got to lose?

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Okay, let us get something clear here. If you have services done for an agreed upon fee, YOU HAVE TO PAY THAT FEE WHEN THE SERVICES ARE COMPLETED!!!!!!!!!!

I understand that you have insurance, however, not EVERYTHING you have done will be covered 100% by your insurance company. Your contract with the insurance company (and yes, you have a contract with the insurance company, it is part and parcel of the having of insurance) says that they will review each and every procedure performed on you, and if they deem it to be unnecessary, or if it is listed as a non covered service, that you may be held responsible to pay part or all of the cost of said procedure. This is above and beyond the contract saying that there are certain procedures that are not completely covered, and that depending on if you see a provider in our network or not, you may be held as responsible for additional fees.

When you go to the provider's office you are asked to fill out a lot of paperwork. Have you ever read that paperwork? It says (and this is pretty much standard no matter WHAT provider you go to see) that we will bill your insurance provider in good faith, but that any co-pays or denied procedures will be your responsibility. And if that we are not listed as being in the provider network for your particular insurance provider that those out of pocket fees could very well be higher than if you were seeing an in network provider.

***let me really break it down for anyone who might be a little confused. Let's say you have Blue Cross and Blue Shield (BCBS) as your insurance provider through your job. Now let's say that you are going to the dentist in order to have your teeth cleaned. Cleanings are covered at 100% (most preventative procedures are). If your dentist is contracted to BCBS as a "preferred provider" than if the dentist would charge someone without insurance $50 for a cleaning, but BCBS feels that $35 is the most they will pay for a cleaning, than your dentist has to accept the $35 as payment in full. If your dentist is not in the network, they can legally bill you for the $15 difference. So why would a dentist be in the network? So that they are listed by the insurance provider in the books and will hopefully get more patients that way. Now let's say you are having a cavity filled (yes, yes...giggity). The dentist's fee is $150. The insurance agrees that $100 is the most that the procedure is worth. A cavity is considered a "basic" procedure, which is usually (read 99 times out of 100) covered, but not at 100%. As a rule it is covered at 80%. So if you have a cavity and go to your in network dentist he will bill the insurance $150. The insurance company will say "No, that's only worth $100. We will pay 80% of that, so here is $80. The dentist says "okay, we will take the $80, bill the patient for the difference between what you say the procedure is worth and what the insurance company is willing to pay, and we will write off the remaining $50 as an insurance limitation". If out of network, there is no write off. It all makes sense, at least on a basic level.

So when you go to your dentist and have some fillings done, and after we receive the insurance payment and bill you for the balance, don't wait until you have been receiving bills for 6 months and then get one saying that you are going to be sent to collections due to lack of payment, then suddenly call me all irate and cuss me out. It is obvious to me that you got some of the previous bills, they were all sent to the same damn address. But now, all of a sudden, you have a problem? Well guess what, now WE have a problem. So refer to the 5 different sets of instructions above and follow them to the letter.

that is all.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Today's Mood Is...

Oh, it's twue. It's twue...

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Bitch better have my honey (bbq sauce)!

I bet you could get that sauce HERE

For those of you who don't know, this is an actual place of business on E. North Avenue, not too far from Belair Road. When I worked for Satan's Minions Touring Children's Theatre Company (they had "666" RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PHONE NUMBER!!! HOW THE HELL DID I NOT NOTICE THAT AT THE TIME!?!?!?!?), we drove past this place on a regular basis. Now I drive past it every morning and afternoon on my way to and from Moleville. And every time I pass it, I can hear Vel (she was on tour with me the first couple of years I was there) and her little aside.

"Well, ho's gotta eat, too"

Vel was utterly unflappable. My first week with the company, we had three shows on the Eastern Shore (the first one at 8:30 in the morning). Usually when we had an early show that far away we would travel the night before and stay in a hotel (99 times out of 100 a Super 8). Well, one of the guys in the show couldn't do an overnight (his wife wouldn't let him. Next time you feel like your spouse is riding you particularly hard - how YOU doin'? - or otherwise is nagging you think about THAT). So we had a call time of 4:45 AM. Yup, you read that correctly.

Well, I had been hired about a week earlier, and was hired as the Production Manager, which meant that I was driving. And anyone who knows me knows that I am not too much of a morning person. Of course, I don't know if you could consider that morning. Either way, I set my alarm, got up in time, drank some coffee, packed some pick-me-ups for the ride (also known as Hershey bars) and led the merry caravan on to glory.

It wasn't until well after traversing the Bay Bridge that exhaustion finally caught up with me. And it was still pretty damn early, so there was realyl little to no traffic (it might have been a little busy on the main roads, but once you are in rural Eastern Shore territory, the farmers are on their property and not on the roads). Luckily there was a rumble strip on the side of the road which woke me up. I can attest that they work, and work well.

Most of the people in the van (including me it seems), were at least on some level, sleeping. Vel wasn't. While everyone else started making that startled out of sleep "who/whu/where" noise, and I quickly cleared my throat, sat up straight, and started making excuses of avoiding debris in the road and I'm sorry I had to wake you all up, Vel (who always sat right behind the driver) just leaned forward and quietly said "you wanna stop for a cup of coffee, big guy?". Now, I hardly knew her, and I almost killed her, but she just calmly suggested a pit stop, even saying loud enough for everyone to hear that she needed to stretch and take a potty break, and could I stop at that gas station up ahead?

Yeah, Vel was pretty awesome. And she was right. Ho's DO gotta eat.

Today's Mood Is...

That is all.

Today's Mood Is...

Its going to be a busy day, and probably a busy week. As such, and in the spirit of both brevity and updating you as to what is happening in ther world of BSR, I present you with the most precise explanation of Spider-Man's continuity and raison d'etre in 6 little words, as printed in the King-Sized Spider-Man Summer Special (which, if Larry the Upstairs Neighbor is reading this, I am VERY interested in picking up if at all possible. It looks to be teh awesome!).

Gotta run

Today's Mood Is...

The Olympics start today (in fact they have already started. We just won't get to see them until tonight. Well, YOU will be able to see them tonight. I will be at Bullseye Inc. protecting assets and asses. Not necessarily in that order). I could honestly care less. In fact, if I have time today or tomorrow, I am going to opine on the Olympics over on the sports blog. It is time for my monthly article / promise to post more regularly from now on piece.

I would like to welcome Shortschitt back to the fold. It has been a while, and I know we all missed her. And while I am here I would like to respond to her comment (refer to the comments on the Dark Knight Pizza piece for more information and the link to her reference to my reference - oh great I've gone cross-eyed).

I am not and never will be an apologist for a multi-billion dollar international conglomerate, but I will say that my personal experiences with McDonalds' Iced Coffee has never been negative as far as quality of beverage. The staff, however, is another story...

At this point in my life I should know that 16 year olds working their first job and earning minimum wage are not going to be proficient in ironic conversation and do not comprehend straight faced commentary. And this is not saying that the teens are stupid, but I think that when they walk in the door to work their brains shut off in a form of self preservation. I truly believe that if someone worked at McDonalds (management excluded, for reasons that will be explained in a moment) and really tried to apply their brains to that mind numbing job that the brain would in fact consume itself in a misguided attempt to save itself, or at least have an honorable death. Managers are forced to think, and most do a good job. But I do believe that you adapt to your environment, and if you work in a place with pictures of the food on a touch screen menu in order to place an order for mass produced food that comes in semi colorful packaging that varies from product to product in order to further ease confusion and dull the need to recognize and discern minor differences and is prepared by other drones who follow picture maps of how to prepare the food in order to get it to you as quickly as possible with no real regards to quality leads these young, impressionable, still not fully developed minds to slip into apathy / drone mode. At that point, my silly little off hand remark lands on the floor in front of them like a dropped scoop of whipped potatoes on your tray at the school cafetorium.

So anyway, I have enjoyed the flavor and texture of McDonalds Iced Coffee (I honestly do not know why I capitalized iced coffee both times I put it directly after McDonalds. Mayhap my own reprogramming is coming along nicely. Thanks 5th Avenue!). I think it is possible that in the last year that they have improved the formula / ratio, or maybe Shorty got a bad cup. Either way, I hope she will give them another chance.

And now I want an iced coffee and a Quarter Pounder. And maybe some McNuggets. Damitall.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

This image, like many others I have used here, was shamelessly cribbed from Chris' Invincible Super Blog. He is too good at this stuff for me not to pilfer it for you wholesale (while dreaming of electric sheep).

I have been having a real craving for a few things lately. One of those things I have been satisfying (how YOU doin'?) fairly regularly. The other things, not so much. But there is a good probability that will change in the near future. So, in no particular order, the things I have been wanting are...

Snowballs (egg custard in particular)

Iced Coffee

Wings (I have never been a big fan of "buffalo" wings, but I love me some honey bbq and Old Bay style)

Pizza (hence the pic)

There is a place near Bullseye Inc. that delivers pizza / wings / subs (actually, there are about 500 of them, but there is one in particular that I am focused on). They have a Bacon Cheddar Cheeseburger pizza that is just as delicious and not kosher as it sounds. I have come tantalizingly close to ordering that recently. The thing is, they also have some very good wings. Nice and big and meaty (how YOU doin'?), a good amount of sauce without being drowned in it...all around good eatin's.

I have not given in overmuch to my snowball cravings (I had one last week, but while I have been catching myself slowing down and staring at the roadside stands as I drive by, a la Nicholas Cage and convenience stores in Raising Arizona), but there is that other thing that I have been downing at possibly alarming rates. And that is iced coffee. McDonalds, Dunkin Donuts, I am going crazy in the heat. Iced coffee is as refreshing as iced tea, but it has all the benefits of high octane coffee (which tea just can't touch). If you like coffee, you will like iced coffee. And if you don't, you are a damned dirty hippie!

Back with more in a sec.

BSR

The things that make you wonder

Now why on Earth would I be making THAT face? Well, I'll tell you...

My mother in law stayed with us for the weekend. No biggie, no worries. We have a couch and an inflatable mattress, so no one suffers. But still...

I woke up earlier than I planned this morning. The dog needed to go outside, and as I moved my body said "since you are already out of bed, you might as well hit the can yourself". And once you are within a certain length of time before you have to get up anyway (and your wife has spent the last hour or so being uncomfortable in bed and taking it out on your poor back as she thrashes about) you just get up and get ready for work. I don't have a set schedule here at the hospital, so as long as I get my 40 per all is good. So I can come in pretty much whenever.

Anyway, I get up this morning, have a lovely and completely coherent conversation with Wifey while she lays in bed and communicates with the ceiling tiles, then go upstairs in order to get myself to my car and on the way to work. It wasn't until I got to the foyer that I realized that something was amiss...

While I was performing my morning constitutional, as well as my morning bill of rights, I heard some strange noises coming from upstairs where M-I-L was sleeping. Since both her dog and our dog were out back being dogs, and the cat was standing in the doorway of the bathroom staring at me (I know she is plotting something, I just don't know WHAT yet. Mayhap she was trying to gauge my level of alertness in order to see if she should attempt another escape), and Wifey was talking to something about something, it had to be her. But by the time I was done in the bathroom and got the dogs back in the house and got dressed for work and made my way upstairs I had forgotten about the whole thing. UNTIL I got to the foyer. And that is when I saw it.

Two dustpans and a single kleenex. Laid out in almost a Stonehenge-worthy pattern in the doorway. Well, all I could do was move them so I could exit the house. But I don't know the final outcome of the breaking the dustpan crop circle. I have been in contact with Wifey today, and she says M-I-L is still asleep. So either she was dusting / sweeping in her sleep, or there will be an inter-dimensional vortex where my house used to be when I get home, and I will be responsible for allowing it by removing the blockade to the nether realms.

I really wish I had waited to mail my mortgage check until after I verified that I still have a house.

BSR