Today's Mood Is...

Cue Aerosmith song in 3...2...1...

Today's Mood Is...

Sorry your auto industry blew up, Ricky.

Yup, Congress denied the automakers bailout, and now unless either A) there isn't some massive reversal (like the first bailout) or B) Bush doesn't open up the $700B bailout for the automobile industry (something he said he wasn't keen on doing, earmarking the bailout for the financial sector), well, it is going to be a LONG 2009, kids.

Getcha popcorn ready.  Either way it is going to be one hell of a show.

BSR

Passing of a legend

Betty Page passed away last night.  And with her, the lingering libidos of almost every man with an AARP card. 

Rest in Peace, Pinup Queen.  I am fairly confident that you helped my grandfather get through WWII AND Korea.

Sometimes they do all the work themselves...

I may have mentioned that there is someone here at the new and improved Torture Complex (formerly known as Moleville, now relocated to a place with windows in order to tease you with the freedom you will never have).  I had been calling her (or at least toying with calling her) White Trash Gwyneth Paltrow, because that is what she reminded me of.  But after taking some time to work in the same general area as her, I have a new name for her...

CRAZY TRAIN

...you see, she has the same trait that someone I used to work with in the local theatre district has, and that is that no matter what someone is talking about, she can twist it into a story about her.  You could say that your pet goldfish died and within 30 seconds she would be saying how her parakeet died when she was 12 and it made her so sad and...

...well, you get the idea.  And what does this have to do with a nominally coherent, all but irrelevant aging rock star?  Well, do you know what the first words of "Crazy Train" are (after the "All Aboard" and the laughing, that is)?

I-I-I-I-I-...

Check out the video, you'll see / hear it.  And whenever she speaks, THAT is all that I can hear in my head.

I guess it could be worse.  It could be Air Supply.

Princess Bride Lightsaber Battle

This is for my boy Fineous. When I saw it I immediately thought of him. Tip o' the Shirt to Larry the Upstairs Neighbor for sending me the link.

Today's Mood Is...

It has been that kind of month around here in the world of BSR, so I do apologize for the excruciating lack of postings.  

No idea when it will clear up, but when it does, you will be the next to know depending on the order in which either I tell you or you read it here.  That is as fair as I can be.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

No time to explain. Hopefully tomorrow, after the meeting.....

.............FROM HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today's Mood Is...

It is about 3 days until the big Thanksgiving Holiday, the first holiday that Wifey and I have hosted for the family. And since I have been at work more than usual to cover the fact that we are 2 people down at Bullseye Inc., Wifey has had to do way beyond the lion's share of the preparing (with an assist from Momm-o-in-law). So she is obviously frazzled, which is imminently understandable. But still, please to be explaining THIS one...

The laundry room i dogs have been walare the last of the clothes,

...That is NOT from some random IM spammer like in previous entries. That was a copy and paste from a posting by Wifey.

I will award 1000 (yes, you read that correctly, one THOUSAND) points to the person who can come up with the best translation of that sentence. Bonus points if you can do it in Iambic pentameter with rhyming couplets.

BSR

Getting reminded of things

I am AT Bullseye Inc. right now (I am not supposed to have access to teh intarwebs, but one of the managers left their log in on the computer so I am abusing my privileges right now. Deal with it Corporate Overlords!). I just ran into an old college friend,who I decided I would still talk to even if he DID have on a Redskins hat. The reason I am giving him this mulligan is that he had the "R" covered up by a big pink button that said "It's a GIRL!".

Yup, he just became a Daddy. Again. For the second time.

For THAT I am willing to forgive a lot of bad team apparel choices.

The thing that got me is, I took him over to the MEGA-OVER-LORD COFFEE COMPANY (3 guesses which company THAT is) while he was waiting for his pictures of the newly swaddled one to be developed, and as we talked about the college chums we had spoken to recently and what was happening in THEIR lives, and what was happening in ours...well I suddenly had a flash of him and I taking turns on an ice flume shot pourer (A block of ice with a channel carved in it, tilted at an angle, with someone standing at the top end pouring shots down the channel towards the awaiting mouth of the person at the bottom end. The person at the bottom drinks the now ice cold shot and then tries to rub the frostbite off of their chin. I guess we weren't as concerned with germs back then), passing a bottle of bourbon back and forth while standing outside smoking cigarettes, and 10 other stupid irresponsible things that we did while stupid, irresponsible college students. Now he is a father two times over, while Wifey and I have had preliminary discussions on starting our own brood. And it felt natural.

Yes, I know...the Circle of Life and all that crap. But this one was a little different. I always expected Fineous to be a daddy, and a damn good one at that. The friends of mine that have had kids are all ones that I could see being parents. Even me, I have always planned on having a family (even though until I met Wifey I thought it was going to have to be due to a hostage situation or some kind of bizarre poker bet). And I am not saying that this guy isn't a good dad. Knowing him I can see him being that father that everyone thinks I will be (no pressure there, buddy). But it just hits home when you don't see someone for a few years, a person you last saw saying "WHOOOO-HOOOOOOO!!!" while laying in a field at 3 in the morning, and now he in the office manager for a local business and a husband and a father. He and I went from talking about tits and ass to talking about Disneyland vacations and tax shelters.

And that's cool. In a very "it wouldn't have been cool 10 years ago" kind of way.





Damn adulthood.

Today's Mood Is...

Okay...

It is Friday.

I have been given an excellent opportunity by my current day job to make a short term sacrifice for a long term benefit, and I am taking full advantage of it.

I have a playoff game for the trivia team tomorrow afternoon, then I am going home to soak my feet and watch Tropic Thunder (and probably ordering a BIG order of wings to boot)

So all in all, things are pretty good. So why am I making children's entertainment channel Evil Wayne Brady?

Because sitting DIRECTLY to my left is a young lady. She has her music on at a level that is frankly annoying, because the only way I could compensate would be to turn up my radio to a wholly unacceptable level for a business atmosphere, and I am not getting into a speaker battle over my inability to hear Mark Viviano and the Bulldog banter about the upcoming Ravens' game. But that is not the biggest problem (I can block out the music pretty well). No, the biggest problem is that she apparently has allergy issues (what she is allergic to that is causing this kind of reaction in late November means that in the spring we are in for a HOOTENANNY!) and is sitting here snorting every 7.3 seconds. Loudly. To be perfectly frank she sounds like she is rooting up truffles. And THAT is making the Brave Little Toaster angry. And when the Brave Little Toaster gets angry...

PEOPLE DIE!!!!!!

Today's Mood Is...

So, my life is usually pretty mundane, all things considered. Sure, some funny things happen, but I am sure that funny things happen to pretty much everyone, only I am enough of an attention whore that I think random strangers would want to read about it. It is my own conceit, and I am okay with it.

But sometimes something happens that make me wonder...

As I have said on more than one occasion I have recently changed day jobs. Well, technically I kept my day job, but it was dissolved by the company I worked for and reformed by a new company and I followed it and continue to do it, hopefully with more efficiency now that I have an actual support structure and a clear management chain without 12 layers of duplicity standing around getting in my damn way...

So anyway, I changed jobs. I now work for a private company that does 3rd party billing. Not too terribly exciting. It seems that there are trade publications, both newspaper and magazine, that cater to these special interests. And to garner a free little blurb of publicity within the business, both myself and the other Kernan refugee had our pictures taken by the media guy here and we were mentioned / published in a couple of the trade rags. And that is the end of that, right?

WRONG.

Last week I get some mail from some financial planner who took the time to cut my picture and bio out of the paper, LAMINATE IT, and mail it to me with a note saying "Congratulations" and his business card. At that point I take it as a guy fishing forbusiness in these difficult economic times and leave it at that. And that was that, until this morning.

I get a phone call from somebody who sounds like they have a head cold and a rabbit boiling in a pot off in the distance. He starts talking like he knows me, congratulating me on my new job and asking when we can meet to discuss my financial future and oh by the way did I get his mail?

Yup, now I know who it is, and now I am a little put off. When I started telling him that I have a very busy schedule with 2 jobs, including one in retail and that this is the busy season he starts asking me if we can have lunch together. I tell him thanks, but I cannot commit to anything right now, I'm real busy. He started to speak again but I told him I had to go, but it had been lovely talking to him and I would call him back...

I took a look at his information he snet me. He has two VERY different email addresses, one of the usual "first initial of first name and full last name at business name dot com", but the othe one "xyz at personal email dot com". And yes, it was REALLY xyz, I am just not going to mention the provider. But still, if you are putting THAT on your business card OR your letterhead I am going to have to think twice before I start trusting you with my hard earned, rapidly shrinking retirement fund, TYVM.

So I have a stalker now.

Why can't I get that hot chick who wants to be all stalker-y No, I get a man with a head cold and a hard-on for IRA accounts. Not fair, world. NOT. FAIR.

Today's Mood Is...

You know, I feel amazingly chipper and awake, all things considered...

At 2:07 AM on Wednesday, November 19th 2008, my wife got a leg cramp. How do I know the exact time? Because when it happened she woke up with a scream and swung her leg at me (I can only figure she was bringing it to me to massage it). However, through the pain, she lost the ability to judge space and time and immediately dropped her foot right on my balls.

And THAT, my friends, is NOT how a man likes to be roused from peaceful slumber.

So as I lay curled up in the fetal position, with Wifey intermittently crying in pain and apologizing to me for doing the Hulk Hogan to my half of our unborn children (who will no doubt come out a little loopy from this experience, as if having to share DNA with me wasn't enough of a curse), I took a gander at the clock. And it said that it was 2:08 AM.

So that was my middle of the night...

It took a little while to fall back asleep. As soon as I could move my legs again, I got up and got Wifey a glass of water and some potassium pills (I also have a problem with leg cramps from time to time, and usually keep some potassium in a couple of places around the house as a precaution. However I, as a rule, do not kick my spouse in the genitalia when it happens. If THIS is how she is going to react to a leg cramp there is no way in hell that I will be in the delivery room if and when that blessed day occurs). Then I laid back down. Wifey fell asleep pretty quickly all things considered, but it seems that there were still some pains, as she spent the next 45 minutes or so whimpering / crying in her sleep, and since I was awakened by something rather jarring I was not falling asleep quite so easily. The pain was gone (for the most part. Guys, you know what it is like to get hit with absolutely NO prior warning. There is a low level ache for about 15-20 minutes at least), but I was pretty much awake at that point. And once I am awake my brain starts to churn and that leads me to a Mobius strip of consciousness.

I need to make it clear that I am not mad at, nor do I blame Wifey for what happened. It was OBVIOUSLY not intentional, and the fact that through all of the pain she kept apologizing shows how bad she felt about it. So in the spirit of fairness I will also take this "public" (in quotes because while it is open to the world to read, only 7 people actually read it, so it isn't like I am buying advertising time during the Super Bowl here) forum to apologize to Wifey as well. After I got her the water and potassium pills, I decided to go to the bathroom (running my hands under the water to check the temperature set off my bladder like I was the first one asleep at a slumber party). I delicately removed the cloth covering and exposed my wounded soldier to the light and air in order to facilitate his process. Afterwards I flushed the toilet (I wasn't born in, nor have I ever urinated in, a barn, you know). Lately there has been a random problem with the toilet still running after flushing (I just have to go in there and check the arm and the seal, not a big deal but nothing I have gotten around to doing since it happens so rarely that I don't think about it when I am home, and a simple jiggling of the handle keeps it from happening). Well, as Wifey lay in bed, at the end of her ordeal, she turned her head to me and told me to check the toilet. I did, and it wasn't making any noise, so I told her so. She said to jiggle the handle, I told her I already did and that it isn't running. She said she could hear it so I snapped "FINE, I'll go jiggle the damn handle!".

With all things considered I think I get a pass on that one. After all, even if it WAS unintentional she KICKED ME IN THE BALLS!!!!!!!!! I am allowed to be a little grumpy after that.

The weird thing is, except for a crick in my neck / back (my neck, my back, my pu.........never mind) and my usual assortment of ailments / impairments I feel pretty good. Not overly tired (I have had my usual coffee intake plus a little extra, so that might be a little misleading), and I have been pretty chipper here at work, joking and joshing with the gang (or at least the ones that I like talking to).

To be honest, I fear what will happen when the other shoe drops.

BSR

Just in case you don't get the Hulk Hogan reference...

THIS is what Wifey did to me last night / this morning. Only with more hair and less spandex.

Is it just me...

Or has the phrase "It's in the Weinberg building" become the Baltimore equivalent of someone in Atlanta telling a tourist that the building is "on Peachtree Lane"? There has to be 50 of the damn things just in Baltimore. I shudder to think of the confusion in Scranton.

Today's Mood Is...

That (Fatal Stab) is either the name of what might be the greatest sidescrolling game ever, or the name of my next speed metal band (which would also be my first speed metal band).

And you KNOW that the name of the first album AND single would be "Death Gurgle". Because it would have to be, really.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

...with a second, flavorful side dish loaded with...

...and no, I do not do any tech support. Of all the levels of hell that my jobs put me through, I am very thankful that THAT isn't one of them

However, I have decided to actively pursue a job with the state. Not only are they off for EVERY damn holiday that exists (and at least 7 that they made up just so they could be off those days, too), but they also don't have to give a shit about what anyone thinks of them. Case in point...

I have been having a problem with a patient that has a fairly common first and last name. It seems that they share a birthday with another person with the same first and last name. However the other one (or as I am calling her, the Doppelganger) MY patient has Medicaid through the State of Maryland. The Doppelganger had Medicaid through the State of New Jersey.

You see where this is going, right?

I have spent the last 47 minutes in a loop of "please to be holding" mixed with random ringing then going back into the queue for more waiting.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Today's Mood Is...

In another shining example of "We Better Not Offend Anyone Who Is Too Stupid To Know That What We Are Saying Is Not Offensive"...

I found out last night that Bullseye Inc. is not calling the Friday after Thanksgiving "Black Friday" this year. No sirree, they are calling it "Green Friday". Why green? Hell if I know. Why not black? Because they are afraid that someone will construe the name as being racially insensitive.

I tell you, the rampant stupidity being shown over something as innocuous as "Black Friday" is making me feel positively niggardly about spending my Christmas money there.

BTW - I don't know who the scary pointing man in the picture is. I didn't even notice him at first. I did a GIS for "Green Friday" and this came up (along with another picture I am going to post in a moment). Until I added the text I didn't even know he was there. Sorry if he weirds you out. He weirds me out, too.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

...with a side of...

Before I get all whiny and bitchy/moany, let me say that lately Blogger has had a habit of putting pictures not in the order I selected them in, which is making me work harder at being cute / snarky. It is bad enough that we can no longer make the post time later (just earlier, which, while minor, is annoying to me), now it is taking creative licence with my picture posting? WTF Blogger?

Okay, now back to our regularly scheduled whining...

I am genetically predisposed to being piled on. I am pretty sure that in a previous life I was a pack animal of some kind, and I am pretty sure that I was a damn good one. So I can take a lot of abuse and not snap (but inside I am a churning mass of retort). This makes me uniquely qualified to work in corporate America and also work in thankless retail establishments (so I got THOSE bases covered, at least). Well, it is being put to the test today...

I have mentioned the Brothers Chinn before. There is a good brother and a bad brother. By that I mean that one brother is the kind of guy I would go out and grab a beer with. The other one is a guy who signs my checks. Evil Brother isn't NECESSARILY evil, but he does not have a whole lot of interpersonal skills and does not know how to talk to employees. So that is why he spends most of his time in his office in the back of the facility, down the Warning Hallway (that hallway in every spooky / scary movie that makes your guts scream "For the love of God, DO NOT GO DOWN THIS HALLWAY!!! BADNESS IS AT THE END OF THIS HALLWAY!!! TURN AROUND AND GO BANG THAT CHEERLEADER IN THE BACK OF THE VAN PARKED BY THE LAKE!!! NOTHING BAD CAN HAPPEN IF YOU ONLY DO THAT!!!).

Well, Good Brother Chinn is away on vacation. To make matters worse, Ed (our 1st line of defense / floor supervisor) is off today, so it is Evil Brother Chinn and the IT guy, who is too busy being distracted by the women he either sits next to or smokes with (he may be married, but he never got past that 14 year old guy's fascination with tits. It makes him completely ineffectual as a leader) to do anything. So EBC was sitting in GBC's chair here amongst us commoners / data entry bitchslaves on the floor when two Friends of BSR (FOBSR) were chatting away across the walkway in between cubicles. EBC did not like that and reprimanded them. But he didn't do it with any sort of tact. Which has led to our current situation.

A group of people sitting here saying that they will not be talked to like that (when in reality they already were and will be so again unless they find another job in between now and EBC's next foray into Commonerville). It is one of the things you have to put up with when you work for a living. Shut up and deal with it.

EBC will not be doing any more reprimanding for the time being, since his (and GBC's as well) Mom is sitting amongst us. She helps out with the data entry and is famous for telling stories (something about old Irish moms needing to regale people). He really cannot rebuke his employees for listening to his mother ramble on about washing socks (not kidding. THAT is the subject of the conversation right now). I figure most sensible people would want nothing to do with that conversation normally, but since it involves not working and tacitly pissing off EBC, the staff is enraptured with the tale.

I, on the other hand, am just sitting here "working". Looks good from a distance, and that is all that matters right now, the appearance of a bunch of people sitting around on company time, talking back and forth, and there is good old BSR sitting quietly at his computer, typing away, entering data like a good soldier.

Andre Agassi was right after all.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

I am not a big believer in omens or portents or any crap like that. But this morning I left the house without my beloved coffee mug, a mug that I had taken the time to fill with loving care and precision, filled with my precious coffee, some flavorful cream, and a touch of artificial sweetener.

It's gonna be a bad day.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Organized begging in quasi-celebration of a pagan harvesting day will probably have begun by the time you read this. The only redeeming factor that I can currently see to this is that if the current economic climate it might be beneficial to teach the kiddies that begging for handouts is okay. After all, coal faced street urchins are more apt to get those crusts of bread you will need to feed your family.

So start dressing the little bastards up and send 'em on over to our house! I won't be home, but Wifey and Momm-o-in-law will be (Wifey is going all out for her costume this year. She is going to be the "I don't give a rat's ass about this stupid damn holiday and I want you off my damn property but my husband bought three freaking jumbo-sized bags of fun sized Skittles and / or Starburst and what the hell is so fun about fun sized anyway but wait I got off track so anyway he bought all this damn candy and if you don't send your spawn up to mooch for it I will wind up eating it and I will feel all bloated and will need a root canal and why the hell didn't he get good candy like chocolate so I could have turned off all the lights in the house and hid in the bedroom with the TV and my mom and we could have spent the whole night watching BBC America and eating miniature Hershey bars and since I am already chocolate colored he would not have known EVER and I would have had a much more satisfying evening I mean really Skittles why the hell do I want to taste a rainbow when I can taste chocolate and peanut butter dammit!!!!")

And believe me that is not an easy costume to find in ANY store or thrift shop.

Happy Halloween my minions.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

There are certain things that you like to hear coming from the lips of the love of your life. When the love of your life is lying in bed, naked, there is a different list of things that you might want to hear. But no matter what it is, I can pretty much guarantee that there is one thing that you DO NOT want to hear coming from the lips of the love of your life...

Mommy?

Now, to be fair, it was early this morning while I was getting dressed for work, and Wifey was still sleeping. And it was dark (I turn on the light in the utility room in order to have enough light to see but not so that it is so bright that it wakes / bothers her). And it is a good possibility that she had been having a dream that involved her mother and was still 77% asleep while she started to mumblespeak. But that doesn't make it any less creepy when it happens.

I really wasn't sure how to respond to that, so the first time she said it I just stood there (having frozen in my spot when asked the question). I hoped that it would be a one time deal and then she would go back to sleep and I could continue on with my preparations. But the second time she said it, with a good bit more fervor...

I was THIS close (my fingers are about 1/2 millimeter apart right now) to getting my best early morning falsetto going and answering her, just to see what would happen. But since I was afraid that I would blow my vocal cords first thing in the morning, I instead lowered my voice to my best James Earl Jones level and said "Nope". At that point Wifey decided to end the conversation herself and rolled over.

I got dressed, made my liter of coffee and left. But for the first time in a long time, I wasn't doing any yawning on the way to work. Being mistaken for a small, older black woman can do that for a thirty-something white guy. It wakes you up pretty well, at least the first time that it happens...

BSR

Can you tell I was on hold for a while this morning?

As always, all dialogue verbatim...

odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: hi

bgddy24601: hi

odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: Hi, im Kimberly

bgddy24601: hello Kimberly, I am Lothar, of the Hill People

odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: i moved here from outta town, Christina gave me ur info

bgddy24601: Christina is good woman. Wide birthing hips. Do you have wide birthing hips?

odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: I hope that was ok, she said u were allot of fun

bgddy24601: I am fun. I provide meat and shelter to many concubines.

odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: Hey a few friends of ours are gonna meet up this week, wanna come with?

bgddy24601: If there are any other males there, I will smite them to prove my dominance and alpha status.

odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: Hi, im Stephanie ­

bgddy24601: hello Stephanie. Do you come with Kimberly? Lothar is a fan of multiple partners.

odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: i moved here from outta town, Alyssa gave me ur info

bgddy24601: Alyssa displeased me so I had her beheaded. I kept her corpse on my wall as a warning to others not to get too lippy with Lothar

odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: I hope that was ok, she said u were allot of fun

bgddy24601: I am more fun than beheaded former concubines who talk too much and are unable to provide me with a male heir.

odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: Hey a few friends of ours are gonna meet up this week, wanna come with?

bgddy24601: I will gladly take both you, Kimberly, and all other fertile women you have at your disposal.

odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: check out my profile www.%6c%6fnl%65%79-h%6frney%2dwi%76%65%73.%63om let me know if u wanna join us

bgddy24601: LOTHAR MUST BREED PRODIGIOUSLY!!!!!!

odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: im tired of my toys, wanna come play with me www.%64i%73c%72e%74%2do%6e%65%2dni%67%68t.com

bgddy24601: I do not play. I win.

odis.sweetruabxpnznvqxnkwq: To remove your Yahoo! ID visit http://affiliatediamond.net/unsubscribe.asp

bgddy24601: I will visit nothing. You will bring your willing flesh to Lothar!

Today's Mood Is...

Which is being caused by THIS...

WANT!!!!!!!!!!

I neglected to mention yesterday that I had to make a bank run, and since my nearest branch is 25 minutes away, I decided to stop and grab some lunch on the way back.

One of those places that I grew up going to (and the place where I had my first ever "real" job) was Hardee's. I worked there 20 years ago, when they were making a big push to expand out of the South and into the Northeast. They (unfortunately just like Krispy Kreme) ended up failing and pulling back. But there are still a few bastions of ginormous-osity, and one is not too far from one of the branches of my bank (the fact that it is right down the street from a hospital is also rather fitting).

I was having a craving for a Mushroom and Swiss (the Mush-n-Swiss from Hardee's is LEGENDARY), so I parked the car and went to walk in (I don't care that gas has gone down $2/gallon in the last month and a half, I am not wasting the money to do the drive-thru). And THAT is when I saw the sign in the window for the PORK CHOP AND GRAVY BISCUIT.

It is just my luck that it is a breakfast only sandwich. But imagine (if you will) a boneless pork chop, breaded and deep fried like chicken, then put on a homemade biscuit and smothered on both sides by sausage gravy...

I will give you a moment to wipe the drool from your keyboard as I am doing to mine.

Oh. My. GOD. As much as I do not want to wake up any earlier than absolutely, legally necessary on ANY given day I can see myself setting the alarm sometime soon on a weekend day and picking up a few of these. I understand that if you buy 4 you get a coupon for 50% off your next angioplasty. How can you turn down a bargain like that?

BSR

BTW - the Frisco burger at Hardees is also damn tasty. Just sayin'.

HOLY CRAP!!

Look what we did!

I would like to thank all four of my loyal readers, and to everyone who happens to stop by every now and then or has stumbled upon this bit of self masturbatory time wasting and spent a few minutes trying to figure out why I don't use the spellchecker more often for making me feel like I need to keep coming back here and doing this instead of actually performing tasks for the employers who so begrudgingly almost pay my bills after taxes.

Huzzah!

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

One major life annoyance down, one to go...

So Narrow Face got canned on Friday. The toughest part of Friday after I found out? Trying to look neutral about it to the masses here in Cubicle 2- Electric Bugalloo land (I gave up on trying to look sad and/or concerned about it. Even I am not that good of an actor, and I think I am pretty damn good at it).

So no more JACK-FM and nasally whining making me want to shoot her in the face with a bazooka. I am sure there will be others who will annoy me (I am easily annoyed by inanity and willful stupidity. It's a flaw of mine), but for now it is free and clear.

But there is still the truck issue. I got the gas line fixed, so there is no more leak (someone pointed out to me that it is probably an EXTRA good thing that I quit smoking back when I did, since smoking while sitting in a car leaking gas, no matter how minimal the leak, is probably not the best way to spend either my disposable income OR my time). However, the hesitation is still happening. I was hoping that it was just a by-product of the car needing to rebuild the lost pressure in the gas line, but it seems that isn't the case. So now I have to call the repair shop back and see if they can look at it again this coming Saturday (and frankly I am getting tired of spending my money AND my Saturdays getting my car fixed). So for every silver lining, there is still a black cloud.

Lunch hour is ending, time to get back to work.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Narrow-Face has spent the better part of the last hour and 9 minutes (whenever she wasn't on the phone) wishing EVERYONE in here "TGIF Everybody!" then looking rather smug at how witty she is.

I have been known to have "A Case of the Mondays" from time to time. But I might have the first ever case of the Fridays. And if the situation doesn't rectify itself, and that right soon, I might have a case of justifiable homicide. I can just see myself walking around like DeNiro saying "Part. Of. A. Team."

Why oh why did I leave my Louisville Slugger at home?

BSR

Today's OTHER Mood Is...

THIS is what I want to do to that damn radio she has playing "Jack-FM".

A lot.

Another great idea comes to fruition

So we are in the midst of a recession. The pundits might not want to say it, but I will. We. Are. In. A. Recession. To the point that I am no longer as confident that I am going to cut back a shift at Bullseye Inc. after the 1st of the year, or that I will be leaving there after the holiday season of 2009. I am going to see how this all plays out. If I am lucky enough to have 2 jobs when a lot of people can't even find one, I am not going to cut off my nose to spite my face.


To make it even more clear, we are in the midst of a GLOBAL recession. Markets are spiraling down around the world, stock futures are not being allowed to be traded, and the NYSE might even have to put the brakes on trading altogether for the 1st time since 1997. Why am I telling you all of this (when odds are you already know all of this)?


Because THIS is the climate that Towson Town Center decided to use as the backdrop to open their "high end luxury wing".


For those too lazy to read the article, here are the highlights:

• Burberry, Pottery Barn and Crate & Barrel opened in the new wing yesterday
• Louis Vuitton and apparel retailer Lacoste will open next summer
• Restaurants P.F. Chang's and the Cheesecake Factory also began serving yesterday
• Some analysts say they have heard that Tiffany's is considering moving to the mall
• Other stores that have opened or will open soon are Sephora, BCBG Max Azria, Bose, Fossil, Lucky Brand and Martin + Osa

All bullet points are directly copied and pasted from the article. Any misspellings / incorrect information is solely the responsibility of the fact checker of the Baltimore Sun.

Now I know I am not, nor have I ever been one of those affluent people that buys overpriced, useless crap because of the label on / in it. I am one of those middle class people that buys decently priced / sale priced useless crap without giving a crap about the name on the label. But THESE two people make me shake my head...

Maria Lugl, a Towson homemaker whose husband is an architect, bought two clutches from the Coach store, a pair of designer jeans from Martin + Osa and a slipcover from Pottery Barn. She's happy she soon won't have to travel as far for the brands she likes."The guys at the Louis Vuitton store in Chevy Chase are going to miss me," the 29-year-old said. Angela Lang, who was carrying a Burberry purse yesterday, said she likes upscale stores but it's difficult to travel too far for shopping with her 5-year daughter and 2-year-old son."We've been waiting for great shopping for a long time," said 33-year-old Lang, who lives in Fork. "I'm anxious to see what else is coming."

You know what I am anxious to see coming? The bottom of the stock plunge, so I can know if I should wipe my mouth with my latest 401K breakdown, or if I should just wipe my ass with it. THAT would be nice to know.

Today's Mood Is...

(with a tip o' the shirt to C3PO for reminding me how awesome this pic is...)

There is a coffee maker in the break room. No charge, no suggested donation, no "drop a quarter in the cup". Just a coffee maker and the creamer and sugar that all the repair shops have (if you have ever taken your vehicle to one of the chain places for tires or a muffler or an oil change or anything like that and had a cup of coffee while you were waiting you know EXACTLY what I am talking about). It has a flavor all its own.

There are 3 or 4 gold tone filters in the break room. We use one at the house. It is great for saving a few bucks and is better for the environment since it is reusable.

There are also regular paper coffee filters in the break room. We also have them at the house. We use them if the gold tone filter is in the sink waiting to be washed and we are feeling too lazy / tired and in need of coffee to wash it, and also to filter the water in the Iced Tea Maker, which we also use to boil / filter water for consumption, since the gold tone won't fit into the smaller basket.

What we DON'T do at the house, however, is use a paper filter IN the gold tone filter. That would be redundant, and a complete waste of resources. However, for some reason that escapes me, it is done here.

I usually don't drink the coffee here (the fact that it makes me feel like I am being forced to work while waiting at Mr. Tire is added reason). I bring a giant mug (I have the 34 oz travel mug in basic black with a metallic band in the middle. But now that I have seen the 52 oz. one, I have a new quest) with coffee that I make in the morning (actually I program the coffee maker the night before) that I like (God is shining down on me, making Dunkin' Donuts coffee available at Bullseye Inc. for large scale purchase, and at a better price than this online site I just shamelessly hotlinked to). But this morning I am dragging a little more than usual, and I forgot to bring my beloved GIGANTOR mug home from work last night (I washed it and left it next to the sink), so I had to break out one of the smaller travel mugs that we have in the house (we probably have 4 or 5 travel mugs total, and that is after Wifey and I pared down our collection after beginning co-habitation) , and have had to refill it a couple of times with coffee that is more Pep Boys than pep giving.

If you have a spare moment (and have a deity that you worship), say a little prayer for my stomach lining that it will survive this swill.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

BOOBY PICS FTW!

(I hope this doesn't get you in trouble at work...)

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

RIP to the Godfather of rap.

BSR

Return of the Mack...

ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:29:43 PM): zagkq u there

bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:30:08 PM): rumblesnort. yes.

ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:30:09 PM): hey, whats going on êÇþâÉ

bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:30:39 PM): ...depends. ulysses maxwell is kind of a dude-sounding name

ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:30:40 PM): i got ur info from Alyssa,Á“äÌ´i hope u dont mind

bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:31:05 PM): holy shit, how the hell is alyssa? You know she stood me up for a date tomorrow

ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:31:06 PM): I just moved here last week,ìøý§Áand im looking to meet some new people

bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:31:32 PM): well ulysses, I am sure there are "alternative" groups out there that would cater to your needs

ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:31:33 PM): she said you were cool,ÂøûÔÆso u wanna meet up? grab a drink... have a lilil fun

bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:32:01 PM): umm...dude? seriously, I'm flattered, but my gate don't swing that way, ya dig?

ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:32:03 PM): i got my pix and info here žÎµ³¦http://www.%64i%73c%72%65t%2d%6f%6e%65-ni%67h%74.com check it out, shoot me a message if u think i'm cute

bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:32:24 PM): you are a persistent bugger (pun intended), ain'tcha?

ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:32:25 PM): ®“¦“éIm looking to get a lilÊÇĹÖcrazy this week u should come join us°ÕêÏ°http://www.lon%6cey%2dhorn%65y%2dw%69%76es%2e%63%6f%6d

bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:32:45 PM): ...

ulysses.maxwell mivpwvgvmrrc (10/21/2008 3:32:46 PM): To remove your ID visit http://affiliatediamond.net/unsubscribe.asp

bgddy24601 (10/21/2008 3:33:10 PM): I am not removing ANYTHING with you around. I don't think that you would respect my personal space.

Today's Mood Is...

Yes, it IS Friday. Yes, I now work in an office that acknowledges and supports the concept of "casual Friday", and have dressed accordingly these last two weeks. YES, I wore one of my Ravens' jerseys today (FYI, it is the Siragusa).

Does that mean that I had to be subjected to Narrow Face and her "So Annoying It Would Make the Biggest Hon of Hampden Run Away Shrieking With Terror" voice serenade me with "Go Ravens" (phonetically, it would be read as "gaow raivinz!")?

I would have hoped the answer would be "no". I would have hoped in vain.

And the Minister of the Obvious strikes again.

tick...tick...tick...

It's going to happen...

So, I was just talking to a few coworkers about...

1. Gay Drink Night (details still forthcoming), and
2. the next Drop 3 Show (November 15th. Reserve your seats now and beat the rush. You know you wanna come see the fun. Why fight it?)

...when, a few minutes after the conversation had wrapped up, Narrow Face came over (with a disregard for personal space rivaled only by JabberJaws herself) and asked me if I had been talking about getting people from the office together for drinks and was it the whole office and yadda yadda yadda.

Here's a news flash for ya, sweetie... IF I WANTED TO INVITE YOU TO SOMETHING I WILL FREAKING INVITE YOU! I WAS TALKING TO THE PEOPLE THAT I WANTED TO TALK TO ABOUT IT! IF YOU REALLY WANT TO PUSH IT YOU WILL FIND OUT EXACTLY WHY YOU WERE NOT ORIGINALLY INCLUDED IN THE CONVERSATION!

So I told her that I was discussing a number of things and that my comedy show and drinking afterwards was a part of it. And that more information will be made available to the entire office when the time comes. Until then speak when spoken to, tyvm.

I brought lunch in today, but all of this is going to drive me right into the sweet embrace of Polock Johnny.

It has begun ANEW...

I have about 90 minutes until I get to leave dayjob (I do not have a better name than that currently for the day job. And I do not feel like putting valuable mind power behind it right now). I do work tonight, but it is with Kathy and Matt and usually pretty low-key and easy. I went to Polock Johnny's for lunch and had two (2) polocks with everything (chili AND the works), a large order of freshly beer battered onion rings, and a jumbo home made, freshly squeezed lemonade. Pretty much the entire office has gone to about 25% work capacity, mainly we are bullshitting back and forth, with small spurts of work blended in for appearance. The Brothers Grimm-Chin (the brothers who own this place have prominent chins) are off being business owners who do not have to be in their office 18 hours a day, 6 days a week. I do not begrudge them that (although I am a bit envious of the freedom they have, it is not with any jealousy mixed in). So for now, everything seems about as copacetic as possible, right?


Spaghetti Sauce (she's pregnant. Or Prego...) just waddled past my desk and dropped off an order form for her daughter's school fund raiser (from the sounds of things, her husband and her are hardcore Catholics, at least when it comes to birth control. I don't know about anything else, but I am glad neither of them are drummers in a band, because they have no method for keeping rhythm). Yes, I have been working here for just under 3 weeks and already I have to buy some freaking candle for some ankle biter that I will (in all likelihood) never meet, but who will, in absentia, be selling me useless shit on average of 2-3 times per semester (why the hell they have to charge so much for private school when they are selling some damn thing every other week as a fund raiser is beyond me. With the way they sell crap on a regular basis the damn kids should get some kind of stipend or commission for all of their hard work. Except for the fact that the parents do all the damn work...).


So I will be waiting patiently for my apple nut muffin scented candle. And silently cursing the skies for not sending me to an office full of sterile women.


4 PM can NOT come soon enough for me.


BSR

I am SUCH a shameless flirt...

The following is copied verbatim from a spam instant message I just received while at dayjob. No names have been changed to protect the innocent, because who is really "innocent" these days anyway?

Yes, these is how my brain works.

cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:39:54 PM): hey u there iusih

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:40:08 PM): hey back

cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:40:09 PM): hi bgddy24601 how r u ? i'm Jennifer «ž´ý³

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:40:18 PM): hi jennifer. call me ron

cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:40:20 PM): â긡•i hope u dont mind i got ur info from Alyssa

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:40:34 PM): how is good old alyssa doing, anyway?

cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:40:35 PM): I just moved here from outta town,ˬڷÉshe said u were cool people

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:40:53 PM): well if anyone would know, it would be someone I don't know and have never met

cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:40:54 PM): ¥ÒäÏãr u busy this week?ÕÖ¥”íwe should meet up grab a drink... have alil fun

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:41:16 PM): do you like daquaris? did I spell daquari right?

cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:41:17 PM): i got my pix and info here ¡öÔáÉhttp://www.d%69s%63%72et-%6fn%65%2d%6ei%67ht%2eco%6d check it out, shoot me a message if u think i'm cute

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:42:16 PM): but your link scares me. I fear it will lead me, neo-like, out of the safety of this matrix I call "websites that don't eat my hard drive"

cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:42:17 PM): ›ÎÇÇÂIm looking to get a lilÖ·‘úcrazy this week u should come join us¨õ¦åÂhttp://www.%64is%63r%65%74%2d%6fne-%6ei%67h%74.c%6fm

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:42:54 PM): is that a different site? the address looks different. I don't know if I can remember all of that to type it in the address bar

cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:42:56 PM): hi bgddy24601 how r u ? i'm Laura íÔÒÍÚ

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:43:21 PM): you're Laura now? What happened to Jennifer?

cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:43:22 PM): ªàïË¿i hope u dont mind i got ur info from Brittany

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:43:34 PM): Brittany? Is Alyssa dead?!?!?

cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:43:36 PM): I just moved here from outta town,ÀàñÍŸshe said u were cool people

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:43:59 PM): who did? Alyssa? Laura? I am so confused now...

cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:44:01 PM): Áéí¢Ór u busy this week?ÀøóÜýwe should meet up grab a drink... have alil fun

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:44:33 PM): but I already have plans with Jennifer for this weekend. Are you free Tuesday?

cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:44:34 PM): i got my pix and info here µ¥«—žhttp://www.%6conl%65y%2dho%72ney-w%69%76%65%73.%63%6fm check it out, shoot me a message if u think i'm cute

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:45:08 PM): and now it is a third address? I feel dizzy. Mayhap I should lay down for a bit

cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:45:09 PM): ³Ý•çËIm looking to get a lilÀߞ³crazy this week u should come join usÃþ ììhttp://www.dis%63r%65%74-one-%6e%69%67h%74%2ec%6f%6d

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:45:32 PM): why won't you just give me a straight answer?!? WHO ARE YOU!?!?!?!?!

cassandra_bowersbdblbnwptbjsltha (10/17/2008 2:45:34 PM): To remove your ID visit http://affiliatediamond.net/unsubscribe.asp

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:45:54 PM): affiliated diamond? Sounds like a bad band name

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:46:08 PM): hello?

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:46:14 PM): why did you leave me?

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:46:29 PM): I am oh so ready to get together for a drink

bgddy24601 (10/17/2008 2:46:48 PM): did you think the daquari thing was too gay? I can order a whiskey sour!

Today's Mood Is...

...with a second, voire dire sized serving of...

So, I am officially a contributing citizen of Baltimore, the self professed Greatest City in America. On Tuesday I was called for jury duty. I was called last year, too. Meanwhile, Wifey has not been called at least since the accident, and she is not sure if she was called before the accident, memories being somewhat fuzzy on details before then (although it is interesting to have THAT defined of a line of demarcation between things I remember and things I don't. It's like there is a mile marker on the road of her brain synapses, with a spike strip labeled "DO NOT PASS THIS POINT" in big red letters. I, on the other hand, have a rumble strip of "it probably happened while you were off getting a snack" whenever I cannot recall something). Is that fair? No. But what the hell can I do about it, besides mention to the court clerks that there is a viable juror just waiting for a summons (and luckily for her I did not think of that the other day).

I realized that it was going to be a long day when I heard the announcements commencing. Last time we had an earnest, if slightly too-energetic nice young lady informing us of our 8 hours of frivolity wrapped in a poorly air-conditioned package. In July. THIS time we had a man that had obviously fought life tooth and nail, raging against the dying of the light. And after he failed, he gave up and took a job with the city. I honestly think I heard more emotion from Droopy Dog before he got angry. If I am about to pass out from boredom within the first 15 minutes of arriving at a destination, there is probably going to be a problem before long.

It was made painfully clear that there were a lot of judges looking for juries. I have never served on a jury. And if I wasn't in the midst of a new job and new responsibilities I think that I would enjoy being on a jury. But with all of my extenuating circumstances, I knew that getting put on a jury would be bad for me.

So of course I was one of the first ones called for a jury pool.

I went off to the courtroom, hoping in vain to see either one of the lawyers I know from working with Bloom and Associates or (even better) C3PO the Translator Lawyer so I could immediately be excused. That was a no-go. So I waited while the judge (the name escapes me, but I am hoping that C3PO will recognize him from this description) went through the whole process. And whenever there was a lull in activity, he felt the need to do his best impression of Cliff Clavin, telling all of us about all the things that someone might find fascinating about local law and the history of the buildings (technically I was no longer in the Circuit Court building, but in the Post Office building / former federal court house across the street). It took almost 4 1/2 hours for him and the lawyers to decide on 6 jurors and 3 alternates (this being a civil case). I was dismissed for lunch around 1pm, and told I had to report back to the jury collection area by 2pm, because they were not done with us, yet.

I walked about the city for the majority of my hour, feeling semi-hungry but not seeing anything I wanted to eat. I even went down to the Inner Harbor to see if one of the places there would pique my fancy. Nothing. So I hit the 7-11 on the way back and got a bag of chips and some Gatorade.

I went back to the collection area and waited. After about 10 minutes one of my fellow jurors denied the first time decided to sit down next to me. She was fairly attractive, but the over-riding feeling that one got from her is BAT SHIT CRAZY. If I wasn't married, I would have had a bit of curiosity towards the one and done bedroom escapade that I get the feeling could have ensued if I had pursued it (why one and done? Because I am fairly sure that she is the kind to give you an incredible night of torrid passion, followed by ritualistic murder and then skinning / using body parts for either meals or voodoo potions). To be honest, I was more turned off by the thought of it than anything, and tried to make my wedding band VERY noticeable as I held my book and read it.

Eventually (at 3:15pm for the love of God) I was called for ANOTHER jury pool.

Now I need to let you know that I would never lie in order to get out of doing my civic duty. Usually.

For those who have never been subjected to the pain that is jury duty, the pool of potential jurors is asked a series of questions as a group, and if you intend to answer a certain way then you stand. When asked you give your juror number. Both lawyers and the judge make note of it, then you are sometimes called to approach the bench if any one of the aforementioned note takers decide that they want more information on any particular answer. Well, the second case was an assault case, with a weapon used. When the judge asked if anyone in my immediate family had been either a perpetrator or a victim of a crime I stood up. I stood up because my sister and my brother-in-law, while at the bank one day many years ago (and with my at the time very young nephew in tow) stood there in the lobby while the bank was robbed. It was all very scary for them, and rightfully so. I also answered that I had a working relationship with law enforcement (and as a member of the security force at Bullseye Inc. I am in fact in contact with the local police on a regular basis). I was called up to the bench to expound on my answers. I answered the first question (about law enforcement). It seems my answers frustrated the judge (this one was kind of a crab). And he took a bit of an attitude with me. So I took one back with him. Nothing disrespectful. But when he asked me if I would be able to look at the evidence and the witnesses without any bias, I told him a truth. Not the truth, but A truth. The truth is, probably. If forced to answer with a yes or no, I would have said "yes". But A truth was that I cannot truthfully answer that question, because I cannot know in advance what the evidence will trigger inside of me. It is like saying to a person "I have something to tell you. You have to promise not to get mad". I cannot promise something like that. Anger is an emotion. That cannot be controlled like that. Likewise, I cannot say 100% that I would not be affected by evidence presented to me in a visceral manner, and that response might cause me to make a connection that causes me to not be able to look at it with total impartiality.

What? It IS a truth.

Well, if you guessed that they skipped right over me as even a potential juror that was to be given final approval by both teams, you made the right call.

And I am not going to have to think about any of this again until at least mid-October of 2009. And THAT is the kind of parole I can live with, for at least the next 364 days.

BSR

I have never been accused of being the brightest lightbulb in the chandelier

So, I had to run some errands at lunch. Randomly, and without warning, I would feel something brushing up against the right side of my chest. It felt like I had a decal on a t-shirt that was on inside out. It would be there for a moment then go away. Whenever I was feeling it I was not in a place to reach down and adjust anything, and since I DO have on a shirt with a decal / print on it as my undershirt (I have to have on a black undershirt for Bullseye Inc., and since I am going straight there from job Uno, I figured I would beat the middle man and also use one less piece of laundry), I wrote it off as putting my shirt on inside out while still partially asleep / getting dressed in the dark as to not wake up Wifey (at this time I had not discovered that Wifey had woken up a couple of hours ago and was upstairs. It was dark, so I couldn't see that).

I just went to the restroom, and when I AGAIN felt the phantom presence on my right nipple I, while under the cover of being alone in the bathroom, reached down into my shirt, basically copping a feel of myself. And that is when I discovered it.

It was fresh, clean laundry that I put on. How can I guarantee that it was equal to an Outkast song title? I reached down into my upper torso region and pulled a dryer sheet out.

So if nothing else, for the rest of the day, my right nipple is going to be ALL KINDS of April fresh. And at least I got THAT going for me. Which is nice.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

I am on display.

Well, that wasn't what I expected...

So, in no certain or discernible order...

My truck has been acting up for the last few weeks. For a brief, terrifying moment I thought it was the transmission, which would have been a few thousand dollars to fix. It turns out that I had a misfiring cylinder caused by the fact that the people I took the truck to to get my 120,000 mile service did not replace the spark plugs, as per the manufacturer' suggestion. They did not charge me for it either, but in my ignorance of necessary part replacement I did not realize that this was a problem, and never thought to check that they did what they were supposed to (but it is because of things like this that I have stopped going to this particular auto care center). So I bought some spark plugs, and set out to change them, therefore making my vehicle whole again.

It turns out you have to be either touched by the Hand of God, or a certified ASE mechanic in order to get to the spark plugs, let alone change them. So I had to take my truck into a shop to have them do it. At a net extra cost of $82 for labor. But that is the hand I was dealt, so there we go.

Now this becomes a bit of a problem because I had two different friends who needed help moving this weekend and I told both of them that, vehicle permitting, I would be there. I told them this when I thought that I would take an hour or two on Saturday morning, pop open the hood of my truck, and spend some time getting some good old-fashioned grime under my fingernails. Once I took the vehicle to the service station I was told "we might be able to get to it today, we will definitely have it done by tomorrow". And it isn't like I had a whole lot of options, the work HAD to be done and taking it somewhere else as a walk-in on a Saturday afternoon wouldn't get it done any quicker. So I bit the bullet and left it there. I figured that the shop was directly up the main thoroughfare from the house, easily navigated by taking the 15 bus to within a few blocks of the house (Larry the Upstairs Neighbor was off camping and unavailable for shuttling). What I did NOT plan on, however, was the fact that ALL the buses running through the city that went anywhere in the vicinity of downtown were all flummoxed by the Baltimore Marathon. So after waiting for almost 90 minutes (not an exaggeration), I started to walk. And as I was passing the off ramps for the Beltway, almost exactly in the middle of two bus stops, I look back and see the bus finally heading my way. I wave at it, but all I see is the sadistic smile of a driver that is not paid commission or tips and therefore does not give a rat's ass about my predicament.

I have bad feet and legs (long time readers know all about this). Because I had not given any thought to my choice of footwear when I was

1. Working on the truck myself, or
2. Driving it to the repair shop

I did not put on shoes that were conducive to walking. After about a mile my feet hurt to the point of not really wanting to keep them anymore. I went into the local High's store and got a cold lemonade (they were out of ice in the soda machine. It was quickly turning into THAT kind of day). I grabbed my cell phone and started to call a cab (yup, I was ready to be gouged in order to get home before I cut my feet off like a wolf in a steel trap). I was on hold, listening to JACK-FM for about 10 minutes when I said "screw it" and hung up. I found another bus stop about 100 feet away and limped over there and sat in the shade of a lovely tree and drank some lemonade. I figured that the buses were running every 90-120 minutes and I was just going to wait it out.

Of course, I did have to pee like a racehorse...

I called Wifey to update her on my own, self inflicted Bataan Death March and the early termination of my Ghandi-esque day when the bus came along, shining in all of its diesel fueled glory. I got home in about 20 minutes.

So the Saturday move was shot. I waited in vain for the repair shop to call me Saturday to at least let me know if I was going to be able to go to work Sunday afternoon, but never heard back from them. Wifey emailed the Sunday move and let them know of our predicament. Finally, they called me. Sunday morning. At 9:30. They were just getting to it, but did I also want to get the engine / fuel cleaning, usually $149.99 on sale this week for $89.99?

No thanks, just go for the plugs and let's move on.

The car is done, Larry (who came home a day early from the camping trip for reasons that I will let him reveal in the comments section if it pleases him to do so) gives me a ride up there and I get my truck back. At last, I feel whole again.

So of course the check engine light comes back on while driving home last night, and I still feel some hesitation when accelerating / driving at highway speed. I am going to take it to a DIFFERENT shop and see what happens. One recommended by AAA (and that apparently gives a 25% discount to first time customers who have AAA with presentation of the card, no coupon needed. HUZZAH!

Why did I tell you ALL OF THIS? Because it resulted in me doing something that has made me feel a little conflicted.

I mentioned how bad my feet were hurting, and that they are not in the best of conditions to begin with. Because I wear the old man socks (compression stockings), they don't get a lot of air / sun. And they calluses on my soles are reaching sovereign nation status. Wifey has been after me for a long time to soak my feet and do all that pampering stuff that just goes against my DNA. But after the day I had, I broke down and asked Wifey to set me up for a soakin'.

It took a couple of hours (I tried to balance out the situation by drinking canned domestic beer and watching college football, but it still felt weird to have my tootsies soaking in warm to hot water with Epsom salts and God only knows what else she puts in there to make her feet feel so luxurious. She handed me a "pumice stone" for to wear down the calluses every so often, as the water made them soft enough to wear down. I am pretty sure that my shoe size went down by a whole half step by the time I was done. And then I had to rub Vitamin E oil all over them (which almost went too far for me). And what was the end result?

The next morning I looked at my feet and they actually looked like HUMAN feet for the first time in years. By that I mean that before this past Saturday, if you had happened to look down and see my feet without the old man socks, you would have probably thought they were a combination of Fred Flintstone and Frodo's feet. But combine the fact that I couldn't change my own damn spark plugs (and after all of that the problem is not all the way solved) with the fact that I spent a couple of hours (ON A SATURDAY NIGHT no less) soaking my feet and "pumicing the calluses away", and you have yourself one highly conflicted guy. I am by no means a "metrosexual" (do they still use that term? I know Mike and Mike were awfully fond of the term back in the day, but I don't listen to them regularly, and also I am not relying on them to be the arbiters of popular slang), but I might have moved a few miles from the city towards the metro / suburban area.

So at least I moved SOMEONE this weekend.