Today's Mood Is...

500 points to anyone who figures this one out.

If you are completely stumped, there is a hint in the file name, then you have to think about a guy who could make a guest appearance on the Flintstone's without ever having to "Stone Age-ify" his name.

Today's Mood Is...

IT'S RAINING SIDEWAYS!

Today's Mood Is...

And I would go to confession EVERY DAY.

Can you imagine how much tastier Communion would be?

Good Advice

So, in order to do my job, I have to access the "extranet" for the hospital where I used to work. On Friday, they decided to run utilities for the software that the dental office (and I) use. It was supposed to take 45 minutes to an hour.

It is now almost 1 PM on Monday (ignore the post time, I had to backtime it to get it under the Mood post for today).

We are quickly approaching the end of the month, and I am still on the 15th for deposits that have to be entered. The deposit we got today was over $31K all by itself. As it stands, if the thing is working by today I might wind up staying late just to try and get the 15th finished before I call it a day. And I had scheduled myself to be off of BOTH jobs this weekend. I was very much looking forward to having a day or two where I did not have to leave the house and go off and deal with a bunch of responsibilities. Now I might not have a choice but to be here all day Saturday AND Sunday. OF course, I won't be getting paid for it, because I have to sit here with my metaphorical thumb up my metaphorical ass, not able to do anything, but getting paid for it. So that means that this weekend would be playing catch up. But it isn't like I can stay home this week waiting for the problem to be fixed. So I have to sit at my desk, staring at the wall, waiting for the call / email telling me to get the hell back to work, and then come in on the weekend (if the problem is even fixed by then. If the one person that we talked to in the I.T. department at the hospital is correct, then I might wind up WEEKS behind. And that could lead to even MORE fun.

In the meantime, I am following the dog's advice. What the hell do I have to lose?

Today's Mood Is...

I bet there are some multi-colored eggs hidden underneath him!

Today's Mood Is...

now he needs a Krystallnuk

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And THAT's real, yo.

Today's Mood Is...

In the Midnight hour, they cried Mao, Mao, Mao...

Today's Mood Is...

and the cars on parsley, sage, and rosemary.

...you're welcome. By the way, if you are not supposed to be online at work you might want to close your browser reeal quick. I am quite sure the entire office just heard your groan after reading that little cartoon and there is no doubt that the boss (or the nosy co-worker who likes to rat people out in order to curry favor - and curry was not meant to be another groaner, but as soon as I typed it I thought that it read that way, so apologies for that, too) is on the way over to see why you made that noise.

If I have to suffer today, so do you!

Today's Mood Is...

with a bonus helping of...

I am running statements for the dental office, which, due to my being on the extranet from a rather remote location in approximation to the servers and other technical mumbo jumbo, makes it so that it takes the better part of 4 or 5 hours to accomplish this task. And until it is done, I can do nothing else. So I am surfing the intarwebs and generally looking for things to occupy my time. So you can only imagine how happy I was when some bot saw me online and decided to start a conversation. As always, names are changed to protect the "innocent"...

Robot Whore: Hey

BSR: hi

Robot Whore: hey there cutie???

BSR: yes, it is me

Robot Whore: who is this again? Sorry I don't recognize the name lol

BSR: well since you messaged me, who do you want me to be?

Robot Whore: Oh Ok LOL,Nice!how you doin??

BSR: My name is LOL, then? Very meta. I am well. How are ye, friend of LOL?

Robot Whore: Leanne is my real name but all my friends call me Lia

BSR: I shall call you ROF-L, for you are from Krypton's funny colony.

Robot Whore: I'm actually working right now what are you doing exactly??

BSR: I am also working. My corporate overlords are stern taskmasters. They no longer provide french vanilla non-dairy creamer in the break room!!!!!

Robot Whore: nice, nothin I work from home just starting doing these cam shows It's pretty fun actually lol

BSR: I question your sentence structure and use of capitalization (or lack thereof). Do you imbibe on your job?

Robot Whore: I am a little busy right now cant really talk here but I would LOVE if you came to watch and give me some company, and maybe a GOOD rating ??

BSR: l am also busy, as well as sufferingf through the indignity of having to use hazelnut.

Robot Whore: well I think i have my free friend's pass lyin here one sec babe.. I mean would you want it??

BSR: free is good, especially in these tough economic times. Could I trade it for a crust of bread to feed my poor child Cosette?

Robot Whore: yes its free

BSR: oh, Cosette will enjoy a meal that is not from a soup kitchen or dumpster. Please let me have this free pass, for it sounds like pure GOLD!

Robot Whore: of course, i jsut like to be safe

BSR: I do as well, but when one is as poor as me, safety takes a back seat to not letting your child starve. Especially since I have to buy ny own french vanilla non-dairy creamer for my coffee, now.

Robot Whore: are you busy?

BSR: well, l am due for my weekly flogging at 11, but l have some free time right now

Robot Whore: yes its free

BSR: that has been established. Are you not able to procure it?

Robot Whore: yup, I do got another pass left!..YAY.. just please don't tell anyone else I can get in trouble. What color panties should I put on for you sexy, i'll let you pick! LOL

BSR: maybe salmon colored? It has been so long since I have had anything other than the gristle of the rich

Robot Whore: k lol .. You joining me ?

BSR: are you going to give me this free pass to dinner?

Robot Whore: yes its free

BSR: that is the third time you have said that. Why must you dangle this carrot of opportunity just out of my grasp? Oh to have a carrot right now...

Robot Whore: Ok, go to http://#@$%&*$#$%#@!@#$&^$%#$.com/COOLGIRL scroll all the way down to the bottom babe, and you will see "friends of ME", click that and when you get the password page, put in the password: "mom" okay?

BSR: "mom"? No, I'm sorry. I may be hungry, and my coffee may be woefully lacking full flavor, but l cannot condone that kind of amoralistic behavior!

Robot Whore: yup, fill out your info, make sure you put your correct b-day k?

BSR: It is most certainly NOT "k"!

Robot Whore: k, if you entered as my friend, it should say 0.00, if so you are good for my free friend's pass dont worry about the autorenew the pass cancels all charges

BSR: I am going to have to end this conversation, but I must tell you that I will be reporting this ungodly activity to Child Protective Services!

Robot Whore: CC is just to verify your age hun,its the sites policy to ensure no minors get access to the site .. i gave u my free friend's pass

BSR: I SAID GOOD DAY!

And how has your day been so far?

Today's Mood Is...

RESPEK!

The day it all went to hell

Started with 2 bosses on vacation, continued with one coworker walking out on the job because of a work issue, and now the cherry on top is Doo Wop singing "Da Butt" as she processes claims.

And I still have another job to go to after this...

Today's Mood Is...

...well? What are you waiting for?

In order to do my job, I have to get on the UMMS Extranet. On a good day, it is slow, with occasional bouts of molasses. Today, with pretty much the entire office streaming CNN to watch the Michael Jackson funeral (I don't know why they can't just gather around one computer. It isn't like any of the bosses are around, and it has been established that they are not doing any work. Why the pretense?), the Extranet is moving at the approximate speed of the Tortoise from the Merrie Melodies Bugs Bunny version of the Tortoise and the Hare. It is taking me almost 10 minutes to post one payment and insurance write-off (at average speed I get one in every 1-2 minutes depending on how quickly the system pulls the name up for me). I am quickly checking out while sitting here, and the lag time is making it easy for me to write off today as "unproductive" and just drift into the ethers until 4:30, when I have to leave for Bullseye Inc.

Well, I was. Until something happened that, ever so briefly pulled me from the sweet embrace of apathy and dragged me kicking and screaming back into Purgatory Present. Urkel's Mom (who most definitely DOES NOT have it going on) came in.

And she started talking...

Apparently the water at the Inner Harbor was more of an aqua then pure blue.

Anyone who lives here surprised to hear this?

For those that don't, I would trend to the thought that the water being "aqua" colored is a step in the right direction, especially sine the default color for many years has been some blue-brownish chum scented spectrum not known to nature. At least aqua is a synonym for water. That is an improvement.

Is it PC to say that the water is "colored"?

Today's Mood Is...

Well, to be more precise, numbers are changing. Number as in addresses. Addresses as in places you are going to want to frequent.

HEED THE COMING MATH, OR REAP THE WHIRLWIND!

Today's Mood Is...

Today's Mood Is...

Too busy to get into details. Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe not.

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I find any loss of life to be sad, even if the person "lived a full life", and even if the loss of life ends pain and suffering for the person and their family (like it did when my grandfather passed years back).

For some reason, "celebrities" (I use " " because the idea of celebrity is an ephemeral concept at best) have been dropping like flies lately. Bea Arthur, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson...so much for the rule of 3's eh?

I do have to say that as a person who observes and comments on society, and as a comedian, I will particularly miss Billy Mays. He got that his "fame" was all about the character and he never took himself seriously (we call people famous for selling crap who get an inflated sense of self "Vila"s). He laughed at the fact that people knew who he was (just watch the ESPN 360 commercials).

RIP Pitch Man.

Today's Mood Is...

...

It has been a long week here in the world of BSR. I am (hopefully) in the final stages of re-financing the house (and knocking a decade or so off of the mortgage), Drop Three is busy prepping for Artscape, and then there is the usual litany of day to day annoyances that always pop up, no matter who you are.

I am pretty sure that I have mentioned in the past that Wifey and I "talk" during the day by way of instant messenger. Otherwise we would probably go days without any real conversation of any kind with the way our schedules overlap.

I will acknowledge that the written word is often harder to translate than the spoken word. Especially the intent behind the words. Wifey and I have taken great pains to make sure we express ourselves face to face when we have an issue with one another, so that the intention behind the words is not lost or mistranslated.

However, when things are going well, you get things like this (IM names changed to protect the "innocent"...

Wifey: You are silly!

Me: l am punchy

Wifey: So am I!

Wifey: But mine is from lack of sleep, not crazy.

Me: then go back to sleep

Me: as is mine

Wifey: Your's is too, but you have an added layer of crazy.

Me: nope

Wifey: Nope, I'm getting CRABS!

Me: mine is all from lack of sleep

Obviously, I was typing my last post as Wifey was dropping THAT particular bombshell on me. Now in her defense, she posted THIS a moment later...

Wifey: Mom is bringing CRABS AND BEER!

But still, knowing that I am a bit bushed, don't you think there is a better way that could have been stated originally? That is NOT what you want to hear what your spouse (or any intimate partner) say to you.

Qualifiers at the BEGINNING of the declaration from now on, please!

Today's Mood Is...

You would be hard pressed to find someone who TRULY LIKES their job. True there are those who derive both a paycheck and a level of psychic income from their professions, but most of us are more about the bonus as a reward than we are the satisfaction of a job well done as another nameless, faceless drone in the world of cubicles and call centers (and when you are as lucky as me, those two worlds are combined!). I also think it is a safe bet to say that no one here in Purgatory is here for the love of the A/R - Medical Billing game. And when you have people who work for the money more than for the job satisfaction, and the bosses are off gallivanting about doing what owners do (18 holes comes to mind), some of those people are going to start talking.

I am all for venting. I do it to / with my friends, they do it to / with me. It is healthy to get frustrations out before they build up to a toxic level and then when someone parks in that spot that YOU ALWAYS PARK IN (even if there is no assigned parking at your job) AND EVERYBODY KNOWS I ALWAYS PARK THERE AND WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...well, it is better to get it out before there is a Thriller-inspired fight scene in the break room (I thought they told you not to come around here!).

But what people have to realize is that while some venting is healthy, you chose to work here as much as they chose to hire you. You had to apply for the job, and accept their job offer. If things are as bad as what two particular people say they are, specifically Doo Wop and Razzle Dazzle (so named because she can go behind your back like Magic Johnson during the heyday of Showtime in L.A.), it gets a bit much. I would like some things to be different, too. And I make my feelings known to those who need to know. But for 20 minutes (and that is not an exaggeration, Ms. Gaza Strip Club. I checked the clock) they were on a diatribe against everything about this job.

So go find another one. Good luck. Me? I have too many bills to pay to leave just yet. Unless I find something better (I am still waiting on my corporate sponsorship here. I use a LOT of products in my every day life and I would be glad to extol their virtues here, while I am out, on my vehicle, as a T-shirt or some other tasteful clothing options...I am open to negotiation here). If you have something better for me, please bring it here tout sweet.

Until then, I will keep plugging away here and making the best of a sometimes bad situation. And drinking to make it go away. THAT'S the American way!

Today's Mood Is...

Because that is how I roll on Mondays.

You got a problem with that?

Today's Mood Is...

At first I was all like...

...but then I was all like...

Apparently a circuit breaker blew on me yesterday at some point in the morning (it turned out to be temporary, just wait, I'll get to it). I went to Home Depot to get a replacement, but got the wrong kind. It had been a long day in a long week, and since all that particular circuit breaker controlled was the lights in the ceiling of the first floor (kitchen / living room / dining room) but didn't affect the outlets (still had power to fridge, computer, television), I said "screw it, I'll get the right one tomorrow in between jobs and go from there.

The light switch in the kitchen was installed sideways. Why? Because the electrician who set up this house was on whatever passed for crack in the 1940's. This is important in a moment...

Mommo-in-law came by yesterday morning to do some laundry and take care of The Dog of Ultimate EVOL for a while (this is how I found out about the electricity problem, a I called her to tell her that there was something in the fridge for her to take home with her, and after she told me of the problem we agreed to avoid opening the fridge until I could document that the fridge was working on keeping the stuff in it as viable vittles). I am guessing that as she discovered the problem of the not having lights and ceiling fans that worked she moved through the house to see the extent of the problem (since it was the middle of the day she didn't need the lights on to see, I know that for sure). And since the light switch in the kitchen is sideways, it is not obvious to anyone if the switch is in the on or off position if the light is not working. That is why I almost had an accident in the bed at 4 this morning.

"Whatever do you mean, Ron?"

I am glad you asked.

Our bedroom is in the basement. During the winter (or whenever it is cold enough that Wifey wants to use the space heater, which means any temperature below 78 Fahrenheit), we close the door to the basement in order to keep the heat where we are. But when it DOES warm up past Wifey heating standards, we leave the basement door OPEN, so that the heat can escape up the stairs and away from us. And since the door to the basement is in the kitchen, and at some time around 4AM today the circuit breaker re-set itself (hence the temporary thing from before), the light in the kitchen suddenly came on.

Larry the Upstairs Neighbor is not known for coming into our part of the house unannounced at 4 in the morning. Besides the point that I had closed and locked the door to our part of the house earlier. Wifey is somewhere north of the Mason Dixon line, living the high life. So it is just me and Evol Dog (and Typhoid Mary the cat) in our part of the house. Neither of them can reach the switch, let alone turn it on. Plus, they were both in the bed when it happened. And to be honest, at 4AM the fact that the light was not working earlier is not the first thing you think of.

The first thing you think of is "BURGLAR!". Or to be precise "BURGLAR WITH A NIGHT VISION PROBLEM!!!!!".

So after I was shocked awake by lights suddenly coming on in my house, and after I calmed my bladder down (home intrusion is not time for a piss break, ya know?), I grabbed my Mag Lite flashlight (the 6 cell one that is perfect for braining some idiot with) and the 4 inch think dowel rod that is about the length of a long nunchuk handle, and made my way to a place where I could see up the stairs, and I listened for activity (I also grabbed my phone and dialed 9-1, with my finger on the 1 in order to complete the call as soon as I heard them unplugging and moving my television). After 5 minutes or so of hearing nothing but the fans in the basement running (and beginning to do the pee pee bounce dance), I ventured up the stairs and found that everything was exactly where I left it, it was just better illuminated than before. EVOL dog gave me a look of "since we're up here, how about some Snausages for my trouble?". I turned off the lights, went back downstairs and took a leak that would have made Ogre in Revenge of the Nerds 2 jealous.

This is why I am drinking my grandfather's favorite coffee this morning.

Today's Mood Is...

Verbatim.

Today's Mood Is...

So I am driving into work this morning, and as is my wont I am flipping through the stations trying to find something that will pique my interest enough to keep me from turning the car around and going right the hell back to bed (a little war I fight pretty much every day. I am at work right now, but I don't know if that means that I won or lost this particular war).

Eventually I tuned into 102.7 (for you non-locals that means I was listening to "The Jack"). As I approached the toll booths for the Ft. McHenry Tunnel, an old song from my hair band listening past came blaring through my speakers. At first I sang along, until I started paying attention to the lyrics. And THAT is when I felt a little repulsed at not thinking about this sooner.

The song? She's Only 17 by Winger. Just in case you are not among the initiated, here are the lyrics, courtesy of gugalyrics(dot)com...

I saw sparks fly, from the corner of my eye

And when I turned, it was love at first sight

I said please excuse me, I didn't catch your name

Oh it'd be a shame not to see you again

And just when I thought she was comin' to my door

She whispered sweet and brought me to the floor, she said

I'm only seventeen, but I'll show you love like you've never seen

She's only seventeen, daddy says she's too young, but she's old enough for me

Come to my place, we can talk it over, oh everything going down in your head

She said take it easy, I need some time, time to work it out, to make you mine

And just when I thought she was comin' to my door

She whispered sweet and brought me to the floor, she said

I'm only seventeen, you ain't seen love, ain't seen nothing like me

She's only seventeen, seventeen

Such a bad girl, loves to work me overtime

Feels good (ha), dancin' close to the borderline

She's a magic mountain, she's a leather glove

Oh she's my soul, it must be love

She's only seventeen, still she gives me love, like I've never seen

She's only seventeen, daddy says she's too young, but she's old enough for me

She's everything I need, daddy says she's too young

But she's old enough, old enough for me

Classy, ain't it?

And people wonder why "grunge" took off like it did.

Today's Mood Is...

I know it is Friday, and I know that many of us (myself included) do not function well until a decent amount of coffee has been

• Consumed

and

• Processed for it's life giving caffeine

but that doesn't preclude someone who just knows something, but knows it incorrectly. For instance, I have a good friend who always says "supposably" instead of "supposedly". He has no idea he is wrong, and it is one of those things that you just have to shake off.

I was sitting here in Purgatory this morning, and for some reason the topic du jour was jury duty. Why? Hell if I know. I walked into it. One of the Hens was going off about it, which got Limpy the IT Genius going. THAT brought in X-TERN and Snorty McSnifflesnot, and soon the entire cast was going on about serving on a jury, the "pay" (apparently after a week they bump your jury pay to $50 a day!), packing lunch versus going out for lunch while you are downtown, leg cramps forcing judges to allow extra recesses, and inevitably to parking downtown versus taking the bus. And THAT is what led to my favorite misspeak of the week, when one of my coworkers (who is remarkable in the fact that she has been so unremarkable while I have worked here that I have no idea what to nickname her, so for now I will call her Question 2, Electric Bugaloo) stating that people are going up to cars and removing their Cadillac Converters right from cars that are parked in garages downtown.

I didn't know I had one of those, since I drive a Daimler/Chrysler/Chapter 11 vehicle. But forewarned is forearmed, so I am going to be taking extra precautions with my Caddy Converter from now on.

PYA, people!

Today's Mood Is...

Well? Get to fearin'!

Today's Mood Is...

Yeah!

HEY! Wait just a damn minute!

Today's Mood Is...

So I have a friend who filed for bankruptcy, which is not an easy thing to do when you take pride in the fact that you are not prone to take help when you are in trouble. It is part of that ephemeral, rapidly disappearing American spirit of lifting yourself up by your bootstraps and digging in. But this person realized that this was not a battle they had brought on themselves, that this was not a thoughtless schmuck running up credit cards and then running away from their responsibility, but that they were hit by a confluence of events that would give any person more than a couple moments of pause, and for the sake of their sanity and in order to allow themselves a fresh start this was the right thing for them to do. Last week they went to court to finalize everything. And as far as they knew, they were done with the whole thing and could now work towards moving on with their life.

That is when their lawyer called.

It turns out they have to take a 2 hour or so online exit class (for lack of a better term) in order to truly finalize this whole situation. Now why has this elicited shocked monkeys / cats / pandas from me?

Because they have to pay $50 for the course.

So what the federal government is telling them is "Hey, I know you had something tragic happen to you that put you in a position where you have to eat a good bit of crow and swallow some serious pride in order to get your life back in order. And we agree to allow you to tell all of these people that you are no longer going to pay them and that there isn't Jack Squat they can do about it. But give us $50 in addition to all of your lawyer's fees. KTHXBAI!"

WTF, government? W...T...F?

Today's Mood Is...

Respect and Represent, FOOLS!

Today's Mood Is...

Today's Mood Is...

I know I am overdue here, so I brought some backup.

It has been crazy in the world of BSR.  Wifey has been travelling to Amish Paradise for a summer-long gig she got (yay Wifey!), which has meant more home alone time for The Dog Of Ultimate Ev0l!!!!!!! , which has made for a change in work schedule.  My long time boss at Bullseye Inc. has moved to a new store (whether he wanted to or not), and my new boss is, while cool, a whole new set of rules and tactics to learn (and since the old boss was the only boss I ever had at that store, old habits are dying hard.  She has been very understanding of the fact that I am not doing anything to try to piss her off and she is not taking it personally - she trained under my old boss so she knows we have been doing certain things for years there - but it still requires this old dog to learn some new tricks, and l am not wired for that kind of hokum anymore).  There has been some pretty serious upheaval with Drop 3 and our current (possibly soon to be former) base of operations, which has made for some anxious moments as well as some serious scrambling.  And to top it off, there is something happening this weekend that I am not at liberty to discuss as of yet (on the off chance that prying eyes are reading this), but will cover sometime next week after the dust has settled.

Oh yeah, the side of my foot exploded the other day.

Trying to keep a long (and pretty gnarly) story short, I got a cut on the bottom of my foot, just below the big toe.  Apparently it got infected (nothing serious, just that something got in there).  The fact that I wear compression stockings kept it pushed up in there, getting worse.  The boots I wear while AT Bullseye (and usually all day when I work there, since I hate having to lug around a pair of boots As well as the uniform) press against the side of my foot, right next to where the cut was.  Pressure plus friction made for a thin spot for the infection to eventually escape from, and BOOM! goes the dynamite, toe-style.

So it has been eventful, to say the least.  As always, I will endeavor to do better in the future.  But as history shows, don't go counting on it.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

So one of the ladies in the office (she is here part time and at the hospital part time) sounds EXACTLY like Urkel, with both nasality and inflection.  And to be perfectly frank, every time she speaks I want to choke her.  But this isn't about me...

Some of you might remember the nice older lady (who will be receiving her nickname in just a moment) who sat next to me when I first started here, who retired a couple of months in.  Well she is back, working part time (and home not working part time).  And she is the exact same as she used to be.  Which led to what happened today...

Urkel has a tendency to rub people the wrong way, both because her voice makes you want to drop kick puppies and because she is one of those people that will IMMEDIATELY go on the defensive if someone tries to tell her that she might be doing something the wrong way.  Whatever is happening, it is not only not her fault, but she also has a ready made excuse for anything that might not be something she can put at someone else's feet.  Like today, when Moms Mabley started to ask her questions because Urkel had given her some halfway completed work.  Moms used to do Urkel's job, so she knows what is needed.  Urkel whined and gave half assed answers, then turned and in a classic display of passive aggressive behavior, loudly mumbled "That's why I can't get any work done.  Everybody TALKING all the time".

Moms didn't like that.  Moms called her out on it.  And now we have a senior citizen street fight about to happen.  Moms and her cane versus Urkel and her briefcase on wheels.  

If you are a gambling man / woman, put your money on Moms.

Today's Mood Is...

Here's a thought...

If you have a thick accent, like one cultivated from being born overseas (maybe in Nigeria), may hap when you are calling insurance companies you should choose the "talk to a representative" option (and may hap you could choose that option by pressing "1", or "7", or whatever damn number they want you to hit in order to get to a representative) instead of saying the name "Arnold Zhiffleswat" (that name is, of course, not the name she was saying), 27 times because HAL cannot understand you.  And just like it doesn't work when you are speaking to foreigners, SPEAKING SLOWLY AND LOUDLY does not help Insurance Skynet become self aware, nor will it help it become aware of what you are trying to say.  But it does get very annoying hearing you say it OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. 

And just so you know, he cannot understand when you say "change the Medicare number", or (ironically enough) "Representative".  But that is why they give you the keypad option in order to make your selection.

One last thing...the computer is not stupid.  It just cannot understand you.  I understand how it feels, at least on a philosophical level.

Today's Mood Is...

GEHA Lady called back today, with the client on the line.  They both started yelling at me because the client has BCBS as the primary, GEEE-HAAW as secondary, and "Priority Planning" (she meant Priority Partners) as tertiary insurance and why the hell am I saying that I billed GEEE-HAAAW when I billed BCBS and why am I billing Priority Planning when I SHOULD be billing GEEEE-HAAAAW and...

It went on for a few minutes.  You get the gist.

So after they were done with their taking turns complaining and mouth breathing, I asked the GEHA Lady and her client a question...

"Do you know what your insurance is?"

And I explained to THEM that the "G" in GEEEE-HAAAAAAAAWWWW stood for "Government", and that the EOB (Explanation of Benefits) they received from BCBS IS the EOB from GEHA, since it said on the top of it "Federal Employee Program".  GEHA is a company that works with government agencies that hire civilians and matches them up with government sponsored insurance...

Basically, GEHA is an insurance broker that contracts specifically with the gubmint in order to save the gubmint money they would have to spend on a BUNCH of HR staffs at a bunch of different companies.

So, basically, I was right the whole time.  But don't worry, I won't let it go to my head.  It would just burn off up there, anyway.

Today's Mood Is...

Saw the new Star Trek last night (BSR has the hook up.  HOLLA IF YA HEAR ME!!!!).  I don't know if I am allowed to talk about it all that much, but let me say this...

Here is Big Shirtless Ron's Spoiler-Free Review:

TOTALLY

FREAKING

AWESOME

I am not known as being a huge fan of sci-fi.  I watched some re-runs of the original series, enjoyed TNG when I caught it on, and never really tuned in to DS9 or Voyager.  I can honestly say that I never saw one minute of "Enterprise".  But this movie was incredible.  Start to finish, it took what had become a tired storyline with 45 years of continuity to deal with and dance around and completely re-imagined it, making it possible for the storyline to go ANYWHERE it wants to from here.

I can only hope that they have J.J. Abrams and the entire cast signed for AT LEAST 2 sequels.  And make sure you keep those writers around.

I do have stories to tell about the audience itself, but since I am out of here in 15 minutes those will have to wait for next time.

Today's Mood Is...

So there is this insurance called the Government Employee Health Association.   Like many other long named companies, it is usually known by it's initials (G.E.H.A. - and I bet you know where this is going now).  Most people spell it out (like the insurance M.D.I.P.A.  No one calls it "Emdeepah").  But not EVERYONE does this...

The "nice" lady from the deepest darkest concrete jungles of Middle River just called me to inquire about a bill.  And she kept telling me that while Blue Cross was in fact her MEDICAL insurance, her primary dental insurance was "Gee-HAA".  And she said it like that

Every

Damn

Time

That

She

Spoke.

Eventually, she shut her festering gob hole long enough to hear me say that we do not even HAVE Blue Cross in the insurance screen, so the DENTAL department did not, in fact, bill Blue Cross, but that the hospital did when her precious snowflake had dental surgery (facility and room fees, anesthesia bills and so forth).  The first few times I tried to explain it I spelled out G.E.H.A. in the hopes that it would sink into her Maury Povich / Jerry Springer addled brain (that is an educated guess as to her viewing habits based on geography and the not brief enough conversation that she and I had).  Eventually, after realizing that I was not getting through to her, I ALSO said "GEE-HAAA!" (a couple of times I even said "Gee-HAW" just to add to the frivolity).

She picked it up pretty quickly after that.  I can only chalk it up to putting into terms she could understand.

I refrained from telling her to "com' on back now, ya' hear?".  But it was not an easy thing to not say.

10 minutes and counting...

Today's Mood Is...

So one of the NAIH's (New And Improved Hens) here in Purgatory was trying to find out if someone in the hospital that had been referred to our office was eligible for Medical Assistance.  She kept asking them questions, and one question over and over and over again.

***I should add at this point that I found out after the fact that the patient is Hispanic and English was, at best, a 3rd language.  It doesn't change what happened, but it makes it make more sense***

So she kept talking, and getting louder and louder as she got more and more frustrated with this patient.  And then, about 27 times in a row, she asked him / her (I never found out which it was) "ARE YOU A CITIZEN?"

And all I could think about was Michael Ironsides with a cybernetic hand.  And Dina Meyer, who I think had hands, but I am not 100% sure.  I wasn't looking there.

Today's Mood Is...

An open letter to Richard D.

Dear Richard,

We've never met, although we have spoken at least once.  And that once is right now as I am typing this.  You work for one of the major insurance companies that deals with special needs patients.  I am sure that you work hard, and try to do your best all the time.  But there is a problem Richard, and I feel like I might be the only one who can say anything about it.

I don't know if you were just at the gym right before you answered the phone, or if you are ill, or maybe you are a heavy smoker.  Possibly it is just where you have the phone positioned in relation to your mouth.  It could be you have one of those headsets that are so prevalent in call centers.

But here is the problem Rich (you don't mind if I call you Rich, do you?).  You are a mouth breather, not a nose breather.  And the combination of your intense need for oxygen and where the mouthpiece of the phone is against your face makes it sound like you are inside of an iron lung.  And that becomes disconcerting when you have me waiting for you to look something up, and for 3 minutes straight all I hear is your steady, constant, labored and shallow breathing.

I appreciate all of your help with this issue that you are currently researching for me.  You are going out of your way to rectify this oversight.  But if you could do it without sounding like Mr. Frump I would really appreciate THAT, too.

An open letter to Jenny

Dear Jenny,

We've probably never met.  I cannot say for sure, since I did not see you.  Or if I did, I did not know who you were, so you became another face in the crowd.  The only reason I know your name is because of what happened today.

You see, I am not a regular visitor of the Chick-fil-A franchise (which is another reason I think this might be fate).  In fact, I brought lunch from home to eat here at work, and had no intention of going anywhere besides the break room in order to use the microwave today.  But when I heard about the promotion that Chick-fil-A was offering (participating stores only - save your receipt from your purchase on April 15th, and starting on the 16th, you have anywhere from 2 weeks to 30 days to bring that receipt in and get all the same items all over again, for free.  I could not pass that up).  So I went to the local franchise store with my (and a couple of co worker's) order for lunch (I had no qualms picking it up for them, since it just added to my receipt total).  Everything went swimmingly until I walked back to my truck.  You see, you hadn't been parked in front of me when I arrived...

And this is how I not only know your name, but I am here to champion your cause.  For on the rear license plate of your 4 door Ford Focus sedan you had the license frame that proclaimed your vehicle is, in fact "Jenny's Shaggin' Wagon".

At first I feared unmitigated hubris in your statement, for how could ANYONE consider that small vehicle to be a wagon?  It lent itself to impossibility, and I was prepared to brush it off as so and move on with my life.  But then it occurred to me...what if she is in fact telling the truth?!?!?!?!?  Leaving the wagon part of the equation out of it, we are left with the fact that if this midsized vehicle is in fact your mecca of lovemaking that you must be at least double jointed in multiple places.  In fact, the only way I can picture this gas efficient ride as being the utopia of gratification that you claim it to be is if you are an Olympic level gymnast / contortionist.  And while I am a happily married man who has no desire to stray, I do profess that a video capturing your exploits would be a piece of cinema that I would like to peruse, mayhap even own outright.  Just to share in your gift.

So I leave you with this, my dear Jenny...please feel free to make your exploits cinema verite (I don't know how to put the accent over the "e" at the end of verite), and please forward them to me.  And in the meantime, if your vehicle is "a rockin' ", I shan't be "a knockin' ".

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

There have been some policy changes here in Purgatory.  To be perfectly honest with you I am not overly fond of most of them.  They smack of trying to overly control the staff, and draw a fuzzy line in between the pluses and minuses of being a salaried employee versus those of being an hourly employee.  Basically the Brothers Chinn want to be able to treat us like salaried employees (which we are) when it is convenient for them, but to treat us like hourly employees when it is convenient for them.

It is not surprising to say that these policies and procedure changes have not gone over any better with the rest of the staff than they have with me.  But while I (with one noticeable exception of a text message rant to GSC) have kept my opinions relatively quiet, others are beginning to get vocal in their displeasure.  And I have the distinct feeling that in the very near future it is going to come to a head.

I can only hope that the head it comes to isn't going to be rolling down the parking lot, guillotine-style.  But I am not 100% convinced that it won't happen, either.

LET THEM EAT CAKE ON A PAID 15 MINUTE BREAK!

Today's Mood Is...

...what he said.

Today's Mood Is...

Yes, and almost in the order I put them in so I could tell a humorous story with previously unrelated pictures, it is time for...

It's a Child, NOT a Triple Word Score in Scrabble!!!!!

Come with me as we peel away the layers of idiocy and reveal the sweet onion of reality...

As always, these are real names of REAL children.  And today's theme is:

Close, but no ceee-gar!  

You can see where they were trying to go with this, but they failed.

• Aayleyah
• Airon
• Alvan
• Alyiah
• Ammie
• Antwanett
• Aysia
• Blanch
• Brayan
• Brigid
• Bryen
• Camrin
• Camryn (no relation)
• Chaniya
• Christion
• Dairyein
• Darious
• Deakin
• Dejion
• Destyne (I missed this one last time)
• Deziah
• Di-Jhae (because using the initials would have been too damn confusing)
• Dwaine
• Dyanna
• Emely
• Eryn
• Jayde
• Jazmyne
• Jonnaye
• Justis
• Justyce
• Juztice
• Kameron
• Kamri
• Kandise
• Karolina
• Karon
• Kenedi
• Kharan
• Khori
• Khristopher
• Kolin
• Kori
• Kristopher
• Kymille
• Krystyn

And of course...

• Kyndle (think electronic book)

So there you have the first half of the list of so close but so far names.  I will hit the L-Z next week.  I am tired of cutting and pasting, and my lunch break is over, so I have to go now.

Have fun!