Carol Burnett and Robin Williams -The Funeral

Harvey Korman died. I like to think that he would appreciate this as a tribute to him. All around brilliant comedian.

Today's Mood Is...

After all these years, Darkseid finally discovered that the Anti-Life Equation was in the secret recipes for McRibs and Shamrock shakes.

The world trembled at his feet until the one man who could save them came to begin the Final Battle...

"Have it MY way, BITCH!!!!!!"

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Yes, it is time for another one of those blogs railing about poor customer service. Oh, the originality........

So last week Wifey and I decided to switch our phone service from Cavalier to Vonage. We figured we would take advantage of our DSL to add free long distance and the like. Everything was going swimmingly until Tuesday when our Internets suddenly stopped working.

Well, you friendly, neighborhood BSR called Cavalier's award winning customer service (if they gave out awards for Maximum Shitty-osity!) and proceeded to get the run around for almost 3 hours on Wednesday. After MUCH hand ringing and hair pulling and muttering under my breath while on hold, I got someone to ACTUALLY LOOK at the problem, and they said "Oh, wait. We screwed up. We will have this fixed by tomorrow. Here's a reference number for the repair (or as they call it "trouble") ticket. Finally, problem solved...

Until about 3 hours later when we got a call back saying that the problem is not only not solved, but that there is a brand new problem and that we will be without Internets services for about 2 weeks.

That would be more than a little inconvenient. But since our phone service would now be dependant on having the Internets, this makes it a big inconvenience.

I hung up the phone and played some Playstation 2 (Spider-Man Friend or Foe is excellent for beating up imaginary creatures) and then went to bed. Both Wifey and I decided after sleeping on it that (after exploring the other options, and decided that we would call Cavalier back and see if this could be rectified..........

More wrangling (this time on my cell phone because the phone had been switched to my non-working service due to Cavalier's incompetence) and I am told again that the mistake is Cavalier's and it will be repaired post haste and let me transfer you to technical support sir.

That is when I got cut off / hung up on.

I took that as a bad omen, but took a moment to collect myself and called back again.

NOW is where it gets fun.

I talk to technical support and give them the trouble ticket number. The guy puts me on hold and pulls it up. After a moment, he comes back and tells me "Well sir, here is the problem. Cavalier does not offer stand alone DSL in your area"

"But I have had DSL for 3 years at this address. You mean to tell me that I can have DSL with a phone, but not without? Why is that?"

"Because we don't offer stand alone DSL in your area"

...I won't go into detail as to how long this Bizarro-world "Who's on First" conversation went back and forth. Leave it at I apologized in advance to the nice man on the other line and proceeded to go off on a diatribe of vitriol worthy of H.L. Mencken himself as to what level of incompetence that the company as a whole must celebrate in order for it to take 2 days and 12 hours of conversation for someone to realize this vital little piece of information.

To sum up (since I have to get home for a service call and need to leave), the house will be switching to DirecTV and Verizon DSL as of this afternoon.

I hate to suddenly leave it at that, but I have to run to make sure I am home for the beginning of the switch-over.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

It's POLITICS FRI-DEEEEEE!!!!!

The Hens are clucking away. Today's topic? That Reverend Wright is getting paid to sabotage Barack Obama's campaign. Yes, they do in fact "know that's right".

So let's sum up the fear factors I am currently being inundated with...

The Hens think that Obama is the victim of a vast Caucasian conspiracy.

A relative forwarded me the thought that it states in the Bible that the Beast that will bring about the End Of Days will be "a charming man of Muslim descent" (before you say it, I know that Muslim is not a descent-able lineage. It is just more fuel for the fire I am lighting under the "Pray that it is environment and not heredity that is the overall denominator in one's mental make-up)

A friend is convinced that Hillary Clinton is going to win because women are going to en masse nag and cajole their husbands into voting for her. And if that doesn't work, they will withhold sex (you would think married guys would be used to that). Yes, it is Lysistrata all over again.

Screw all of 'em. I'm still votin' Kucinich!

BSR

If only I could...

There is a lady who works here in the hospital, in the kitchen to be exact. She is very friendly, and I have exchanged pleasantries with her since I started working here almost 4 years ago. The thing that I love is the way she says hello.

No matter who you are or how long or how well she knows you, she begins every greeting with "Hey, baby".

Now as a longtime resident of Maryland (and the greater Baltimore area to narrow it down even further), I have gotten used to, nay, impervious to any possible charm held by someone calling someone else "Hon". In fact it kind of annoys me. But her "Hey, baby" ALWAYS works. I don't know if it is the delivery, the fact that she is the only one who regularly does that, or what it is, but it never fails to flow exactly right. Man or woman, young or old, no matter how you are classified it works when she says it.

I will never be that awesome.


BSR

Wifey is at it again!

Once more she is off in the land that is known to many as "The Empire State", or to me as "that dirty, stinking city that houses the Yankees and Jets (or at least, in the case of the Jets, their dirty, stinking fans)". Yup, she is in New York. Now for those of you who missed her as a goddess of the forest, you will have to deal with the diminished expectations of her portraying a slave who SECRETLY RUNS A MAJOR COLONY IN THE NEW WORLD!!!!! (ever notice that she never gets cast as "Woman sitting at table"?)

Her new piece is called Seaport Story. Check out the link HERE.

Join us next week when Wifey is Joan of Arc. Not acting, but actually possessed by the spirit of her, and then she leads a revolt down the streets of Hampden!

Today's Mood Is...

...but wait, there's more...

Continuing Today's Mood...

Jeffrey Chaucer hath two turntables AND a microphone! Verily he be not a sucka!

Who's house? Beowulf's house!

911 is a joke! Zounds!

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

I wish everyone was in love with me. I guess I am just not enough of a weiner.

Now for the fun part...

The hospital in general, and Moleville in particular, is very Mommy Dearest friendly. What do I mean by that? I mean that there are no wire hangers to be found anywhere.


Now WHY would that be a problem?


Let's introduce a hypothetical scenario. Let's say, for instance, that Wifey had a fitful night of sleeping, with a predilection towards violence and Policy of Appeasement-like territory usurpation. Let us also suppose that a certain ass-breathed dog was employed with Panzer-like precision in order to assist in the territorial disputes. So with all of these things happening overnight, it could be easy to come to the conclusion that the person on the receiving end of these vicious, baseless attacks would be tired when he woke up and left for work.


What does all of this add up to? Well, it could add up to someone (the tragic hero of our story), while getting out of his car in order to go into the office this morning, remembering to turn the car off, but forgetting to take his keys out of the ignition. Luckily, since it was a bit chilly, but otherwise nice day and (unlike his seemingly bloodless, unable-to-retain-heat Wifey) he left his windows cracked open. All he needs is a wire hanger to stretch out and he can get right into his vehicle and go about his day.


But THERE ARE NO MORE WIRE HANGERS IN THE HOSPITAL!!!!!


I might be here for a while.


BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Wifey (who is currently snoring away on the couch while suffering from a nasty cold that I believe Wifey's Momm-o has infected her with the plague, and it only by divine providence that I do not share in her misery) wanted me to post. So I am. I am officially one answer higher on pretty much all survey questionnaires now.

Yippee.

BSR

...with a side of...

...which makes me feel like...

...and because I am so old now, I will need you to...

...and so the circle of life continues anon...

Today's Mood Is...

Grrrr, baby. VERY grrrrrrrrrrrr.

Gherkin, please!

I was scanning through some of my favorite sites when I came upon this quote from current Arizona Diamondback (and former Baltimore Oriole) Eric Byrnes.

Before I post the quote, some of you may be wondering why I am not posting this on the ol' sports blog, well, with the exception of the "Who's on First" routine from Opening Day, I try to keep overtly comical bits from that site. And "1st" is such a classic that it cannot be categorized like my usual peurile humor nuggets.

Anyway, here is the quote, speaking to the possibility of even more stringent drug testing in Major League Baseball...

Arizona Diamondbacks outfielder Eric Byrnes on mandatory drug testing: ''I'd prefer not to have a grown man standing there looking at my pickle, but if they have to do it for the sake of the game, I'm in."

Talk about giving it up for the team...

More proof of the absolute awesomeness of Thor

These are completely and totally stolen from www.the-isb.com , one of the greatest time wasting sites ever (if you like comic books and REALLY snarky commentary. I like both, increasing the awesomeness of the site at least tenfold).

Since I work (albeit in a bastard stepson capacity) for a dental office, these pictures are doubly awesome as they show not only the awesomeness of Thor, but also the importance of regular dental checkups. If the evil super-snake had just seen his dentist for regular flouride treatments, mayhap Thor would not have completely shattered his mandibular and maxilarry teeth.

But wait, is there an opposing opinion to the necessity of flouride treatments?

Best of the Question

The actual quote about flouride is about 6:30 into the clip, but the entire clip is worth watching, as the Question is one of the coolest characters from the JLU.

Today's Mood Is...

Today I will both rock AND roll.

Today's OTHER Mood Is...

Look down and you will see why...