I had no intention of doing this

But this one was even funnier than the Simpsons one. Must be a Friday if I am so easily amused.

It is funny because it is timely and not at all dated

Today's Mood Is...

Have to head to Bullseye in about 15-20 minutes, so this is all you get for now. In case I am not back beforehand, Merry Christmas, and all that cheery crap.

BSR

A few quick holiday pics for ewe...

One for the road...

Today's Mood Is...

*****MASSIVE GENERALITY ALERT*****

Deaf people have no phone manners.

Well, not all of them. But I just got a Relay call. For those of you who are uninitiated to these, it is a system for people with hearing impairment to be able to use the telephone. They type messages, and a Relay Operator (probably another copyright) reads what they "said". Then you respond, and they type it back to them. It is a good thing. Unless the hearing impaired person is a butt face.

I was asked if I had any computers for sale. I responded with "I'm sorry but this is a private residence. I think you have the wrong number" (you are supposed to respond as if you are talking directly to the person who is on the other line, not say "tell him / her that I said...). There was silence for a while, then the operator told me that the person had hung up. No apology, no "okay", no NOTHING.

Butt face.

I have invited a few guys over tonight to hang out, since Wifey is still away and we are not going to be able to have our usual Christmas party. I figured I would have a "Guy's Night In", poker and beer and whatever. I don't know who is showing up, but if it winds up just being Larry the Upstairs Neighbor and myself, we can easily watch a bunch of episodes of The Wire and either cook something or order a pizza / wings. So I am going to enjoy my evening. But last night at the ol' Bullseye I noticed something that has been occurring for a while now.

Wifey has been away for the last 3 weeks, and for the vast majority of the last month and a half, living in NY and rehearsing for her show there (did I not fill you in? I cannot remember). Well, it has created a positive conundrum for me. It is positive that she got cast in a show up there, and that she is getting a chance to prove herself in NY. It sucks that I have been home alone (excepting the animals, which just don't count), working extended holiday hours to come home to no human. And I have been very lonely, especially in the marital duty department. Yup, like Eddie Murphy in 48 Hours, every time the wind blows...

Well, last night I realized that for some length of time (I cannot pinpoint the exact genesis of this phenomenon [doo-DOO-doo-doo-doo]) every woman I see has been moving up that mythical scale that all (okay, 90%) men use to rate women. A 5 has become a 7, and so forth. And when I couldn't stop staring at this random woman's chest last night (she seemed to like the attention enough to display them even more prominently to me until she noticed my wedding ring), I realized that my needs are no longer being met by the interweb and cocoa butter (yes, every guy does it, no matter how much he is getting. It is one of those base, from the primeval time instincts that we just cannot control. Lately I have been one flux capacitor and 1.21 gigawatts away from travelling through time, with my Johnson taking the place of the DeLorean).

Wifey comes back tomorrow at 10:30AM for a brief stay before heading back either Wednesday or Thursday, and from then she won't be back until late January. So on the off chance my boss at Bullseye Inc. reads this, if I am late for work tomorrow, DO NOT CALL ME. I will get there eventually, but sometimes other things take precedent. And if I do not take care of this precedent, I will not only be unable to walk upright but I will also be an extremely grumpy son of a bitch. Not what you would want working 2 days before Christmas. You have been warned.

And to all of you, don't expect any communication Tuesday afternoon / evening / night either. We are going to my sister's for brunch, then we are going home. And for the rest of the day, we do not know you. Deal with it.

Today's Mood Is...

It's been one of those weeks. And today is Office Christmas Breakfast day in Moleville.

yay.

Currently I am being forced to listen to Anne Murray's Christmas Album. By all that I hold Holy I never knew that piece of musical torture existed, and now that I do, there is a tiny piece of me that is dead inside.

JJ just decided to impart some wisdom on me and in order to do so she needed to get within 5 mm of me, then put her hand on my shoulder. Between that and Anne Murray, I no longer feel like eating (unless it is to eat my own brain / heart in some last ditch self defense effort).

The Lurker just gave me a Slinky.

All better now, TYVM. Gotta go grab some egg casserole and a bagel.

Clark's Christmas Vacation Tirade

NSFW!!!! But still a classic.

Ding! Fries are done Siberian style!

Whatever your views on Family Guy (and mine are becoming more and more muddled as the show continues. I have not seen much at all of the "return" episodes, but the ones I have seen I have not ben overly impressed with. But this is a pretty good remix.

Reverend Charles

Oh, we need to roadtrip to this guy's church. Oh, wait, he doesn't have one. LET'S BUILD HIM ONE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

Today's Mood Is...

He tasted like a bowl full of jelly.

And just because I was sitting here Farking, check out this link...

http://mdn.mainichi.jp/photospecials/graph/071217swim/1.html

If for no other reason than to just read the headline.

BSR

Today's Mood Is...

Wait'll you get a load of THIS...

Iron Man in May, this in June or July...I'm already starting to get a chubby.

Today's Mood Is...

I know I am more than overdue to post. With Wifey away, my will to be witty and get immediate gratification from her when I come in the house and tell her to read it, my will, it is teh waning. But I keep thinking of all of you and all these random posts that I should do. I am going to try to collect them and put them up in the near future. But in the meantime, since you caught me being so lazy, I will do naught but look adorable until you forgive me.

BSR

RUN DMC NEEDS NO COMMENTARY

Christmas In Hollis

Today's Mood Is...

Look out below. I am in one of those weird moods where I will post almost anything. Why? Sorry, I can't hear you. I've got a loaf of Italian bread in my ears.

SLUMP SLUMP SLUMP SLUMP!!!!!!!!!

Picture pages redux...

I cannot guarantee that I am done yet. Because I just don't know if I am.

Lemme esplain...

No, is too much. Lemme sum up...

I have mentioned my recent battles with insomnia. I had another fight last night. REM lost (damn you Bill Berry!). So I am caffeinated up pretty good and at this very moment taking a break from my federally required medical theory training / reprogramming (the hospital has about 25 or so accreditations that it likes to keep, spending millions of dollars [I assume it is that much. They cannot convince me otherwise] to make sure that CARF and JHACO and BINGO and all the rest give us the Seal of Approval. Personally I would rather they say "screw the accreditation" and pay me a damn living wage. I am kind of selfish that way, but anyway...). There are some things that are generally good to know, and it can't hurt to mandate refreshers on things like sexual harassment and respecting patients and co-workers (part of me wonders if there is a loophole I can find in these things that would allow me to have JJ and Asian Mustard Lady permanently banned from my personal bubbles - my personal space bubble and my auditory bubble - that might be worth more than the living wage to tell you the truth), but a lot of the stuff I think is a little beyond the pale for me to have to know. For instance, if there is a patient really relying on me to administer medical advice / make a medical decision that could have ANY kind of impact on them beyond what they are being served for lunch (and that might be too much responsibility for me if you really think about it. sick people have some effed-up dietary restrictions), odds are they have a lot more to worry about than if I am HIPPA compliant in my decision making, since odds are it will only happen in some kind of bizarro, Red Dawn-esque apocalypse where confidentiality of medical records won't be nearly as important as finding a way to get up into the mountains in order to begin a guerrilla campaign against our oppressive overlords.

In other words, I am feeling le Goofy. And there is no way I am even going to TRY and stop this Crazy Train.

BSR

Nope, I ain't done yet...

Okay, now I am done for a while. How long?

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!!!!!!!! Muah-hah-hah-hah!

BSR (for at least one day the "BS" stands for BAT SHIT CRAZY!)