Thursday, October 21, 2010

Today's BONUS "Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Wife (The Taken Out Of Context Edition)"

"I was laughing at your turnpike thingy".

2 for 1 Special. Great...

Today's "I Didn't Need To Hear A 60 Something Year Old Woman Say That" Moment Is...

"I would have been here sooner, but I had to figure out a way to get that Johnson straight".

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

My Job Is Turning Me Into Seinfeld

Not the way I like to envision myself.

So I am sitting here, trying to post payments and do all those things that actually justify the paycheck that I receive twice a month, and the Nigerian Nightmare is at her cubiclette sipping her hot tea. Nothing wrong with that. Except that it is a loud, slurping sip followed by an audible sigh.

I was never a big fan of Seinfeld, but I thought it was relatively funny, and as an improv comic you need to be aware of things on the pop culture zeitgeist, which Seinfeld definitely was. Hell, the automatic spell check on Google Chrome doesn't flag "Seinfeld" as a made up word, and like most spell checkers it hates uncommon names. So I have watched more than a few episodes over the years, and there was one that had a person who sipped coffee loudly while in a night class w/George. And since the show loved to celebrate how something rather innocuous could drive someone crazy, you can probably guess the results.

I'll give you a hint. The reaction was not rational or reasonable by any stretch of the imagination. Hopefully, that is not too much of a spoiler.

So in between her yelling at people / voice prompts on the phone with her heavily accented English speaking voice, I keep hearing "sluuuuuurppppppp...ahhhhhhhhhh"

And it is driving me CRAZY.

Quite possibly.

Still waiting on that heretofore unknown rich old relative who always admired me from afar to go ahead and kick the proverbial bucket...

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Last Night's Nugget of Wawa Wisdom...

"Some people start out young"

Yes. And the rest are named Benjamin Button.

-overheard at the coffee bar while restocking stirrers

Monday, October 04, 2010

Today's "That's What She Said" Moment Is...

"Sometimes it gets too hot, so I hold it for a while. It gets too hot for my mouth"

-overheard at Costco

Friday, October 01, 2010

Today's Mood Is...

English for the English impaired

As always, an actual transcript of conversation here in Purgatory...

"That girl is a hellion."

"What's a hellion?"

"You's off the chain."

"Oh (nods understandingly)."

How are we supposed to make the English language the official language of America when the denizens of the country can't get the simple parts down? I mean. use context, people! When Doo Wop is talking (as she OFTEN is) about her granddaughter, and this particular story (which she is now telling for the 3rd time in succession) involves said granddaughter sassing back to Doo Wop, followed by "that little girl is a hellion, let me tell you"...

The word "hell" is right in the damn word! She is talking about the child acting up! CONTEXT tells you at least the gist of the word!!!!!

Come on heretofore unknown rich distant relative who always liked me best, but from afar...