I neglected to mention that the Translator Lawyer had Wifey and myself over for dinner Saturday evening. The food was DELICIOUS (I am still waiting for the recipe for that onion / mustard sauteed sauce that was such a good compliment to the chicken. I am thinking of trying it with some nice cuts of pork on the grill). The dessert was faboo (when is the last time someone made YOU homemade apple pie? I bet it has been longer than you think). The conversation was (as always) stimulating. I even enjoyed the pre-meal cheese and the after meal Wifey / Translator Guitar Hero III on Wii competition. I had never had "Havarti" (sp?) cheese. I liked it.
So a hearty "RUB A DUB DUB, THANKS FOR THE GRUB" to C3PO for a lovely evening. We shall have to do it again sometime. Maybe in a neutral location in order to break this "my house / your house" banter.
Who's house? Run's house!!!!!
Mayhap the International House of Pancakes will serve us Swiss food as we declare our mutual neutrality?
Okay, it is time for a little self-reflection. Nothing deep and uber-personal, just a little thing I noticed today.
I had just posted on the sports blog, and was absent-mindedly clicking on the "next blog" button while waiting patiently for some schmuck in Owings Mills to pick up the phone (Blue Cross / Blue Shield = Blue Balls / Numb Ass when it comes to customer service). The thing I noticed is that the vast (and by vast I mean around the neighborhood of 80-90%) majority of the blogs I was routed to were in non-English. It makes me wonder if I am reaching my target audience here if the vast majority of people who might stumble onto this site would look at it the same way I was looking at the one from someone who is from the Far East, if the characters on the page were any indication (I would, however, love to se the spellcheck on that). The pics were a dead give away.
Should I look into moving to another site? I would have to find one that my socialist agenda IT department sanctioned firewall would allow to get to my computer. But it is something to think about. Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.
Stop re-releasing movies with extra shit on them all the damn time! It is getting to the point that I am afraid to buy a damn movie because I know that there will be a new, 2 disc ultra-shiny edition the week after I pick it up, making mine useless, because I want all the extras. However, I am sick and tired of paying for them twice! It just so happens that I already own both of these, and now I have a hankering to buy them again (along with a hunk of cheese, which I also have a hankerin' for). And you are pissing me the hell off with this!
I have no problem with a movie being re-released, digitally remastered, and boxed up nice. The recent run of movies like Raging Bull, Taxi Driver, and most recently Bonnie and Clyde all deserved this treatment. However, that is no excuse for you to put the movie out, and then put it out again a couple months (or even a year and a half) later.
And by the way, THAT is the really sneaky shit you have been pulling. Put them both out at the same time! Let those who want the extras and are willing to pay a few more bucks pony up for it when it is released and let the straight meat and potatoes, "Just give me the damn movie" people have their version. And in a way, I can even understand the later re-release of Harold and Kumar. It wasn't exactly a box office smash (like my Transylvania Twist), and it became one of those DVD hits that eventually forced the sequel, so that is a miss I can comprehend if not like. But Walk The Line? Come on! It was a $100 million + grosser (especially if you add the overseas numbers), and it was a multiple award winner (open your mind to the fact that there are more movie awards besides the Oscars and that MTV crap). You KNEW you had all this extra stuff, this extended cut and all that. And you waited MONTHS to put it out, knowing that even those of us that have become skeptical of you but that loved the movie would break down and buy the original DVD release. Then you spring this on us, and why? To celebrate the upcoming Network TV premiere? Or just to F$@* with us? I say the latter.
So now I have a decision to make. Do I pick these up, or just get a friend that has them to burn me copies? Hollywood will never know, but my wallet will.
Hollywood, you are officially on my shit list, and have been nominated for Jackholes of the Year by ME. And since THESE awards are not nearly as secretive as yours, I can tell you that you currently have the inside track to be a BIG winner this year.
All this griping made me miss the fact that we have officially passed 400 posts here, and there is no sign of it slowing down (except for the complete randomenss and infrequency of the postings that is, but hell, nobody is perfect!). For all my loyal readers (which I am betting I can still count on two hands and have enough leftover fingers to hold the spoon I am using to stir my coffee), a hearty thanks is extended. Because none of you have accepted the challenge of trying to guess how many of the songs listed below are in my catalog of music, a hearty "WIMPS!" is extended to ye. Wifey, of all the things I extend (or that extend without my knowledge or tacit approval), you are the beneficiary of the best of them (I hope you look at it the same way, too).
Onward to 500, and then to numbers that abaci cannot calculate!
Side note - I don't know if "abaci" is the plural for "abacus". I do not know if there is an accepted plural for that word. I just know that "abacusses", or any derivative akin to it, did not look right. And I like the look of "abaci".
So I found this list of the 50 Gayest Songs of All Time (as compliled by Inside Out Australia to celebrate the 30th Anniversary of Sydney's Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. I cannot tell you how badly I want to hear "Show me your tits!" shouted with a pronounced lisp. And then to have someone tell that person that the beads do not match their outfit). I thought we could play a fun game. I am going to put the list up, you get to guess how many of these songs I own. The peson who gets the closest without going over wins a prize that I will reveal at a later date. Like after the winner is announced. Wifey and Larry the Upstairs Neighbor are not eligible to play, since they have easy access to my music catalog. Nor can they aid any other contestants with any information. It is sink or swim based on how well you know me (or how well you think you know me). So without further ado...
50. Elton John and George Michael “Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me”
49. Dead or Alive “You Spin Me (Like A Record)”
48. Pet Shop Boys “New York City Boy”
47. Diana Ross “Chain Reaction”
46. Deborah Harry “I Want That Man”
45. Cher “Strong Enough”
44. RuPaul “Supermodel (You Better Work)”
43. KD Lang “Constant Craving”
42. Culture Club “Do You Really Want To Hurt Me”
41. Chaka Khan “I’m Every Woman”
40. Wham “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”
39. Paul Lekakis “Boom Boom (Let’s Go Back To My Room)
38. Kym Mazelle “Young Hearts Run Free”
37. George Michael “Outside”
36. Donna Summer “I Feel Love”
35. Dannii Minogue “This Is It”
34. Belinda Carlisle “Summer Rain”
33. Peter Allen “I Go To Rio”
32. Sylvester “You Make Me Feel Mighty Real”
31. Heather Small “Proud”
30. CeCe Peniston “Finally”
29. Madonna “Express Yourself”
28. Cyndi Lauper “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”
27. Charlene “I’ve Never Been To Me”
26. Tim Curry “Sweet Transvestite”
25. Barry Manilow “Copacabana”
24. Barbara Streisand and Donna Summer “No More Tears”
I don't believe what I just saw! Fineous Reese just posted again. Go look for yourself, his link is to the right of this.
By the way, if you peruse the links to the right, you will see some additions and subtractions. Psycho has left the blogosphere. I do not know where she has gone, but I hope she is well. I removed Spamaliscious for 2 reasons. First because I haven't posted there in a long, long time, and do not see myself getting back to it. When I wasn't working from home half time I had to find whatever I could to fill the time I spent on hold here. Now I don't even update this and the sports blog regularly. Three is just too many. Second, it sounded way too much like "Fergiliscious", and my humps are not lovely or ladylike. It is a comparison that I just cannot allow to continue. Likewise, the Ballschwanck blog is gone. No one had been hitting that up for 6 months plus, so there seemed no reason to keep it there.
If Wifey ever:
A) gives me a new link for her, or B) updaters her now 11 month dormant blog...
I finally got the chance over the past week to finish season 5 of The Wire. It was (IMHO) friggin' awesome. However, I think there is someone who can put it better (thanks to Stuff White People Like for the explanation)
Though white people have a natural aversion to television, there are some exceptions. For white people to like a TV show it helps if it is: critically acclaimed, low-rated, shown on premium cable, and available as a DVD box set. The latter is important so that white people can order it from Netflix and tell their friends “they are really into and I watched ten episodes in a row in the weekend. I’m almost caught up.”
If you attempt to talk about an episode they have not seen yet, they will scream and cover their ears. In white culture, giving away information about a film or TV series is considered as rude as spitting on your mothers grave. It is an unforgivable offense.
For the past three years, whenever you say “The Wire” white people are required to respond by saying “it’s the best show on television.” Try it the next time you see a white person! Though now they might say “it WAS the best show on television.”
So why do they love it so much? It all comes down to authenticity. A long time ago, someone started a rumor that when The Wire is on TV, actual police wires go quiet because all the dealers are watching the show. Though this is not true, it seems plausible enough to white people and has imbued the show with the needed authenticity to be deemed acceptable.
The popularity of this show among white people has create a unique opportunity for personal gain.
If you need to impress a white person, tell them you are from Baltimore. They will immediately ask you about The Wire and how accurate it is. You should confirm that it is “like a documentary of the streets,” the white person will then slowly shake their head and say “man” or “wow.” You will be seen in an entirely new light.
If you are not from Baltimore but the white person you are talking to is, they might start asking you a lot of questions. In this situation, you should just say you left when you were young but you still have a lot of cousins there but you don’t like to go back to visit. This will remove all doubts and they can go back to telling you about how John from Accounting needs to “stop snitching” about their two hour lunch breaks.
It's funny because it is true. But it was a damn good show.
Is it fair to blame the parents? Are they working their way through confectionary college? And what is up with the legless one in the corner? Is this some kind of sick Dog and Pony show like they have in Mexico?
I was talking about this to one of my regular readers recently, and he told me that I never posted it. So I am posting it today. It feels like a Friday kind of picture. And when I get home, I might just have to re-watch Casino Royale. It is teh awesome!
...someone sent me an email that supposedly had a letter that a woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their line of feminie protection products (I don't know if that would be the correct thing to call maxi-pads and tampons. In a way it looks correct, but in another way it looks like the classification for some kind of female-only weapon). Either way, the letter that was sent was very funny, but I have become so jaded by all the b.s. that is sent through the intertubes that I went to Snopes to see if there was any info on it. There wasn't, but there was something about the President of Proctor and Gamble going on Donahue in thte mid 1990's and claiming that part of P&G's profits went to the Church of Satan. Of course that is patently false (and in a case of the pot calling the kettle black, P&G won a lawsuit charging Amway of being responsible for the rumors. Amway accusing ANYONE else of having ties w/Satan smacks to me of "Smelt It vs. Dealt It", the Supreme Court case from 1960). Well, on the Snopes page there was this little piece of artwork. It almost made me snort coffee out of my nose, so I thought I would share it with y'uns.
I (metaphorically) ran into an old friend of mine recently, and I remembered that he had sent me this email many moons and about 3 email accounts ago. I thought I would share it with you...
I am pleased to announce that the general knowledge of the public at large appears to be on the rise. Although, this conclusion has not been arrived at through a true scientific test, certain scientific SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures) have been employed. In theorizing that public knowledge has indeed increased, I have used my workplace environment as my sample segment of the population. This environment provides a test group of 207 people, which (given a 5% margin for error) gives a reasonable estimate of the population as a whole. Understanding this, I am pleased to report that the overwhelming majority of the 207 subjects in the test group appear to have a great deal of general knowledge. Evidence of this can be seen through the constant employment (almost overuse) of the qualitative statement, "I know that's right!". Most subjects appear to have a great deal of this general knowledge, affirming that they know what is correct at least five times within any given hour of the eight hour workday (on the average). The subjects also display great joy in sharing their knowledge as the phrase, "I know that's right!" is often followed by loud and raucous laughter. However, this investigation has also yielded a possible observation of concern. The subjects only exhibited knowledge of what was correct. Not once during the course of this investigation did any of the 207 subjects pronounce, "I know that's wrong!". Why exactly this distinct lack of confirming falsehoods occurs (or rather, does not) still remains a mystery. One possible theory for further investigation is that perhaps in having more knowledge, the population at large has also begun speaking more truthfully, thus making it so that there is no need for confirming knowledge of a false statement. Further research is necessary. Until these tests are performed, however, please rest peacefully, secure in the knowledge that people at least have acquired enough knowledge to "know that's right!"
Well, I am happy to report that Ebil Kitteh returned home safe and sound. It seems that after a couple of hours of hunting with no success, she decided that while her evil overlords might keep her locked up in this multi-leveled dungeon of horrors, at least it was warm and there was always food. It even makes Ebil Puppeh seem like a fair trade.
Wifey saw her standing by the front window yesterday a little bit before noon. Since she got out the back door and was last seen in the rat-tree, I can only assume that she came to the back door and window and got no response since I was at work and Wifey had concluded "Screw you, you ungrateful ball of fur and bitchiness" and gotten on with her daily routine. So Kitteh had to come around the block and figure out which house was ours and get in the window and get someone's attention.
According to Wifey, Kitteh tried to play it off with a quick "hey, what's happenin? Mind if I come in and hang witcha for awhile?" attitude while waiting to be let in, but as soon as she got in the house she ran STRAIGHT to the food and water bowls and stuffed her face like there was not going to be a tomorrow. Apparently hunting in vain takes a lot out of you.
Kitteh did bring home one treat though, and that would be the smell of rat. All of that hunting and rolling around got her quite pungent. Wifey wanted to wait until I got home to give her a bath, knowing that carnage would ensue, but the odor was too much for her, especially when Wifey tried to nap and Kitteh tried to make nice with her by trying to cuddle. So Wifey bathed her. If Wifey is so inclined, she can leave a comment explaining just how it went.
Finally a quick shout out and thanks to Larry The Upstairs Neighbor for the link that is attached to the title. It is NSFW, but still funny as all hell.
Talk to you all next time, you ungrateful balls of fur and bitchiness!
...worried. It seems that evOl kitteh decided to use my sleep starved brain to escape her evil overlords (you know, the ones that feed her and pet her and clean up her poop. Wifey and me). This morning I got up a little earlier than usual to put out the trash (we try not to put it out until the morning it is being picked up in order to curtail rat activity in our yard). I staggered over to the door, paused for a moment to rub the sleep out of my eyes, then opened the door. Little Bastard Kitty (which will be her name for the foreseeable future) RAN out. I almost grabbed her, but my coordination isn't the best when I am still 3/4 asleep. Wifey and I spent over 30 minutes trying to get her back in, going from cajoling to pleading to "come here dammit!". Nothing worked. She wound up climbing into an evergreen tree that has rat holes underneath of it. I believe she is going to be hunting until she captures a rat, or until she gets hungry. Right now the over / under is 50/50 on which will happen first. It's even money folks. No point in betting unless you have some insider information.
I am hoping that before I have to go to Bullseye Inc. she will be back in the house, pissed off at us for the bath she was subjected to, and randomly attacking furniture and ceiling tiles. You know, back to normal.
I promise that sometime this week I will post something of some significance. And for those who follow the sports blog, there will be a detailed post coming on that this week also. Unfortunately I have a coworker on maternity leave, and her being absent the last 2 months has put EVERYBODY else in the hole. If rumors that abound are true, she will be back, and that right soon. So look for my ability to slack while at work to increase at least tenfold.
I did want to post something though. And this morning Wifey gave me the perfect thing to post.
It was about 3:30 or 4 this morning when I got up because I had to go potty. After finishing my dirty sinful business, I washed my hands and returned to the bed. Wifey had thrown her arm across the bed into the spot that was needed for my back in order for me to be horizontal, so I gently moved it. This woke Wifey up, or to be more accurate, this caused Wifey to approach a level of semi-consciousness that would allow some mumbling while rolling over. Well, Wifey did wake up a bit, moved her arm and allowed me to get into bed. Then, as I lay on the bed about to pull the covers back up over me, she patted me on the thigh and said "Happy Birthday".
At the time of her well wishes it was March 3rd. My birthday is April 9th.
Maybe she was dreaming of what she is planning for me for my birthday. Maybe she was just confused. Maybe there WAS some magic in that old silk hat I found.
(And just to be sure, I searched Sean Bean's birthday. It is April 17th. But I am pretty sure that she already knew that)
So a Very Happy (and extremely early) Birthday to me. But even with these well wishes, I don't care if she gets a head cold, I am NOT hanging out in a greenhouse. I ain't melting for NOBODY!