Yeah, I promised you big news last week. But I can't resist the build-up. And besides, I forgot that I promised big news (luckily for you Larry the Upstairs Neighbor reminded me). But without any further delay...
Let me digress for a moment. I have always been fascinated by American History. I love reading books about it (ask Wifey). It is not a passion for me like sports or comedy, but it is one of my favorite diversions (and yes I could spend an entire weekend watching the History Channel and its brethren). Politics are not nearly as fascinating to me, excepting for where it intertwines with history (but the thing is that they intertwine a lot, so I have a somewhat keen interest in the topic).
To digress from the digression, last night Wifey not only threatened to kill me (I know she has been plotting this for some time. It is the main reason I don't insure myself more heavily. As long as she can't afford to live without me she has to keep me around. But if either of us hit the Lotto, I'm a grease stain on the pavement. Avenge Me!!!!!!!!!!). I often get silly tired at night around bedtime. Most of you have been so tired that you start laughing for no reason, or had some other kind of similar reaction. Well, I get like that 4-5 nights a week for stretches at a time. It is just one of those things, and I know it can be frustrating for Wifey. However, there was no call for her to suddenly proclaim that I am possessed, flick me right on the forehead, and start to tell me she is going to behead me and then burn me and cover me with salt (I think that was the order she mentioned them in. At that point I was too busy saying "son of a bitch that hurt!" regarding the flick on the forehead, right in the temple). This brings me to my point from a couple of weeks ago regarding Wifey's possibly unhealthy obsession with the show Supernatural and the like. However, for whatever reason the sword stayed on the wall and my head stayed on my neck, and I am able to make my big announcement to you.
For years I have said that if I didn't like the way the country was going I would do something about it. I would run for President. I meet all the requirements as outlined in the Constitution. I am (or will be by the time of the actual election next November) 35, I am a natural born American citizen, an I have never been convicted of a felony. And in case you were wondering, those are the only requirements.
So just in case you haven't figured it out, I am officially announcing my candidacy for President of the United States of America. I am running on an independent platform, I have no plans to affiliate myself with any political party. If any of the parties want to contact me in regards to running on their ticket, they may feel free to do so. In fact, I have created a email address specifically for comments and questions about my politics. I swear right now to answer every question I receive openly and honestly. You want to know where I stand on something? Ask me. I will answer. And what is this email address? Why it is bigshirtlesspresident@gmail.com .
I await your questions, and together we will march all the way to the White House!
Actually, I will probably drive. It would be a long walk and I don't want to be all out of breath and sweaty when I am sworn in.
BSPR
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oh the possibilities are nearly endless :D
ReplyDeletedude, if you won i'd join the sekrit service to protect you although i don't know if i could take a flick to the forehead from Wifey for you.