Monday, September 21, 2009

Today's Mood Is...

So I was off from here on Thursday and Friday as Wifey and I celebrated out anniversary (according to one card I found, the 4th anniversary is Talc. I guess chafing is an issue at this point in a marriage). Coming back this morning I was greeted with a few "Welcome back"s and some "Belated Happy Anniversary" salutations. I thought we were all done with it. Until...

Moms Mabley comes in part time, and usually late in the morning (around 10-11). Today is one of her days to work. A few moments ago she wheeled her chair over to me to ask me if I was feeling better (I was - and still am a little - sick last week, and apparently she thought I was out for that). Once I explained that I was off on purpose, preplanned, in order to spend some time w/Wifey for our anniversary, she asked me if we had any "Mommy / Daddy" time. And once I realized that she was asking me if Wifey and I had consummated our relationship over the long weekend, I stopped myself from asking her why the hell she would ask me that and instead told her that Wifey and I spent some quality time together and left it at that.

The only problem is that she wasn't done talking.

No, I then found out that she has been married for over 34 years, and that she and her husband have had anniversary sex maybe 10 times. At this point I tried to turn around to get back to work, but no.

She wasn't done.

NEXT came the story about how her daughter who lives in Atlanta, and the time that daughter had arranged for Moms and Pops to come down to visit her, and how they had a nice hotel room, and that while she usually sleeps in full length flannel nightgowns, this time she and her daughter decided to go shopping for a nice, sexy negligee for her to wear...

****at this point I should tell you that while the dental work is better on Moms, and she isn't as grey, if you combine Grandma Klump and Momma Klump, you pretty much have Moms. Keep that in mind as you picture her telling me all about getting and then putting on a sheer purple negligee and you begin to understand why I might be skipping lunch today****

...and how she came out of the bathroom with it on, and he was lying on his bed in the hotel room (they ALWAYS get two beds. I can only assume that they had their children the same way that Lucy and Ricky did it, since the usual way is all but impossible), and she walked over to him as sexily as she could (don't know how sexily that would be, but it isn't exactly causing me to want to stray) and said to him "Don't you want to help me take this off?"

And his response was, if nothing else, an attempt to clarify the situation. He said "What, you forget how to take it off yourself?"

And THAT was your Monday Mental Floss.


  1. Anonymous12:19 PM

    ROTFLMFAO!!!!( if u cud actually get down there and get back up).


    And also? Brain Bleach is needed!