Okay, I have a lot of crap to get through here. It wouldn't be so bad, but when I tried to post last week, either Blogger or my computer were conspiring against me. So anyway...
About a week ago, I think I may have pissed of ol' Jabberjaws. I am waiting to see how it plays out, but here's what happened. It was Wednesday, in the middle of a LONG day, and JJ was in rare form. I think she has actually mastered circular breathing so that she does not actually have to stop talking in order to inhale. If I didn't want to muzzle her, I would probably be impressed. But I digress. JJ was going over to Mealy Mouth (she of the special cubicle built where our nice full sized fridge used to be, the one they removed and replaced with one built for a dorm room so she could be down here. She has that almost Doug and Wendy Whiner way of talking, and to make matters worse she is a Redskins fan, and to make it still worse, she isn't even loyal to them! Months of her talking smack about the Ravens, talknig about how the entire team is just a bunch of thugs [but bring up Sean Taylor...], gloating and generally being an annoying bitch while trying to get us to use her and reference her to our friends because she just got her real estate liscence [nice job of waiting until the bubble's about to pop before riding the wave MM!], and less than one day after the Skins get eliminated by the Seahawks and she is rooting for them all the way! I HATE when "fans" throw allegiance around like that. Damn this was a long aside), we are going to call her MM for short. Wow, let me recap. JJ was going over to MM's cubicle to review some chart information and JJ asked if she should bring her chair over with her. Now I MEANT to say this under my breath, but I know Wonder Woman and Ms. Marley both heard it (one has the same name as the star of the 70's show, the other is from Jamaica. Why use nicknames if I am going to explain who they are? Because for at least one insider in my world of artificial lights and filtered air who reads this, I want to see if I can make her laugh. And since she is the only regular reader that I see on a regular basis that I am not sleeping with, I need all the feedback I can muster. And as I type this, I have decided to call Ms. Marley Yah Mon from now on. Because I can). They both giggled, and I didn't think any more of it. Well, later that afternoon, JJ came over with something she had been emailed all about credit fraud and identity theft. The fact that everyone who works in this hospital who has email (which is everyone down here and about 95% of the staff) got that exact same email from the same person as she did apparently didn't deter her from printing up the damn thing and talking up a blue streak about how she had made copies for all of her "friends". And she DIDN'T GIVE ONE TO ME!!!!!!!!! In fact, she didn't steak directly to me for the rest of the day! And honestly, I was really okay with that. Now she was out last Friday and this Tuesday, so I couldn't put my theory to a test until yesterday. When I cam in, she was already here (and Wonder Woman looked to be at her wits end, and it was only 8am!) and I made it a point on two seperate occasions to speak to her, just exchanging a pleasantry. NOTHING!!!!! Ha HA HA!!!!!!!! Fredom, horrible horrible freedom! WW is convinced that she just had a lot on her mind and wasn't aware of the snub, but we all know better, don't we? Yes we DO. To prove my point, she made it a point to go to everyone's cubicle yesterday and do the "lean on the wall and talk about a whole bunch of useless crap" thing for at least 10 minutes per person. Longer if the person couldn't figure out a way to get rid of her. In fact she spent about 15 minutes talking to Grammy A (she reminds me of everyone's grandmother's slightly sassy friend, the one who came over for tea and would say the things that would make your grandmother giggle and say "You are SO Wicked! Hahahaha!". You know the one). The conversation eventually turned into a talk of the medical problems of the two women and their respective loved ones. And as I have said before, there is only so much information about another man's prostate function that I can safely hear before I have to somehow change the subject. And before you think that I am being homophobic, I feel the same way about yeast infections. So I am equal opportunity. Granny A's cubicle abuts mine, so JJ was about two and a half feet or less from me during the entire conversation. And while she kept glancing at me, she did NOT speak to me once again! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIE-E-END!!!!!! Of course, I expect this to be only a temporary reprieve, and no dount will receive some sort of rebuke from my boss over this incident, but for now, I shall enjoy my moment in the sun.
Now as far as the graying of America, I plucked a fully gray hair from my scalp the other day. My father used to say the old cliche "God only made so many perfect heads. The rest he covered with hair". In fact, I thought that was his saying until I starting seeing t-shirts with the phrase, and realized my dad was just too cheap to buy one, so he memorized it instead. I also know that my grandfather's hair didn't start to thin out until after I was born (I am hoping that there is no connection there and that it is merely coincidence), and my father has started to get a little thin, but he is nowhere near Picard/Connery territory. And I have maintained for years that if I were to go bald, I would not resort to toupees or weaves or transplants or combovers or anything of that sort. I never gave much thought to gray hair. It just didn't enter my thought process. Especially since my father really didn't even begin to gray until fairly recently. And I have no problem with having gray hair, except that I kinda do. I don't know what to think. Am I going to go out and pick up a case of Grecian Formula? No. Am I going to pluck every gray hair I see? No (but I am not quite as confident in that answer). The only reason I plucked this one was because I wasn't completely sure that it was a gray hair. It looked like a hair that the light was catching differently, and it was a decent bit longer than the other hairs. When I would turn my head to the mirror, I couldn't see it. Plus it was on the middle of the side of my head. I kinda figured I would start on the temples like Reed Richards and Nick Fury.
So where does that leave me? Getting old, but not ready to talk about my goiter with co-workers just yet. Even if they start the conversation. And for at least another week (because she won't be back until next Wednesday if I overheard her correctly), peace in the Middle East (section of cubicle world that is. I am not sure which of us would be which countries. I will have to work on that).
www.baltimorecomedyfest.com - comedy for a cause.