I have no delusions that I am anything but a big fat guy. It is true, no need to sugar coat it (but it does make it tastier). I am fat. I am losing weight, slowly but surely. But right now I am big big mofo.
So I am at work last night at Bullseye Inc. when the manager (oh, excuse me, the Leader On Duty, or LOD for short. Not too fascist/totalitarian, is it?) came up to me and said that since the store was projecting to beat the sales goal for the day by about $50,000, and since we were understaffed and everyone was working their collective tails off and getting a little frustrate by the sheer enormity of the night that he was going to buy dinner for the store (before you think he was being too magnanimous, he petty cashed it out). He was asking me what we could do besides the usual pizza (which is the default and usually the option chosen), when he said that what he really wanted was a McDonald's double cheeseburger (actually he said he could go for 2 or 3, but I didn't want to make him out to sound like a glutton right out of the gates). I said I could go for that myself, sometimes a greasy McDonald's burger hits the spot just right, even if Wendy's and Burger King taste better (I don't know if I ever sang the praises of Wendy's "Baconnater" sandwich. I am pretty sure that I have, but in case I haven't...YUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). So he starts to call around to the approximately 247 McDonald's in a 1/2 mile radius from the store, but every time he gets laughed at. It seems that people don't ever call in orders for 75 sandwiches (he decided on 50 double cheeseburgers and 25 McChickens with no mayo to account for everybody getting two sandwiches and a few wanting three - like himself and me). Finally, on the 63rd call, he gets a manger who tells him that she can't pre-make the order because it sounds too much like a crank call, but if we go in they would be glad to fill the order.
So he sends me.
I walk in and go to the counter. The young lady asks me for my order. I say "50 double cheeseburgers and 25 McChickens with no mayo".
At this time I would like to make it clear that they were not that busy, and in fact when I walked in there was no one at the counter and only 3 tables being utilized, all with people already eating.
I give her my order, and she looks right at me and says "Will that be for here or to go?"
Like I said, I know I am a big guy. I can accept that. I have no illusions. But I never in my life thought I was big enough that a complete stranger thinking that I could eat 75 sandwiches in one sitting. Apparently I was wrong.
Honestly, the question dumbfounded me a bit, so I just stared at her for a moment, then did the only thing I could do. I told her "for here, and can I get a small Diet Coke? I'm trying to watch my caloric intake". This confused her. I know she is young, and this is probably her first job, but like Bill Engvall says, "Here's your sign".
Luckily, the manager was behind her, and she has a sense of humor. She walked over to the cashier, gently put her hand on her shoulder, and told her to make it a to-go order. Then she gave me a medium sized cup for to have a beverage while I waited, for the wait would be significant, especially in the speed realm of fast food. She and I chatted amiably for the 45v minutes it took to complete the order, and she gave me her name and the store's phone number so that next time we COULD call ahead, and next time she would believe us. To top it off, she gave me a sack full of fries and 4 hot fudge sundaes for free, since I pretty much destroyed their sales goal for the hour.
So it wrapped up pretty cool. But still, if nothing else I have a new career goal...to stare at a pile of 75 sandwiches and triumphantly yell...