Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I Really Can't Blame Them

I am sitting at my cubiclette at a shade before 6pm on a Tuesday. I needed to run statements, and since I am going to be out on Friday and Monday with the surgery I have no problem with staying late today to bank some hours.

I am alone now. Gramma Moses (I forget what name I've given her in the past, which is a common lament around here) just left. She spent the better part of the last hour and a half trying desperately to get me to respond to her as she made comments about the things going on in her life (a common happening around here, as I have made clear in the past). I didn't bite, even when she got obvious and loud about it. Luckily I had already turned my iTunes up so I was able to pretty much block her out.

I wish I could feel bad about all but ignoring her, but I just can't. I am tired of this place, and I am tired of my coworkers who have an almost constant need for attention. I am not the same person that I was before all the medical drama of the last year and a half. I don't have the desire to pretend that I give a shit when it is people who just take and take and take. I'm done with them.

Am I happy that I have to go back under the knife on Friday? Not in the least. I am sick of being sick. I made some good headway while I was out, but within 9 months of being back here I fell back into a bunch of the bad patterns that got me into this mess in the first place (not all of them, but enough of them to make it noticeable to me that I have regressed in a lot of key areas, which is why I have talked to Wifey about some changes I am going to make after the surgery and a few days of recovery time). But I do not go and complain about it all the time, and I don't hunt for attention from people (aside from the occasional Facebook post, but I am human, and I don't do it ALL THE DAMN TIME).

So I'm sorry Gramma, but I am not going to do that anymore. Go find yourself another patsy.

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