Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Asian is committed to learnnding (the misspelling is on purpose)

Yeah, she is back. Wandering about. Actually she just walked out, but not before sharing with everyone what she learned while helping her daughter with her homework last night.

Quick aside, I don't know why I never noticed this before, or maybe it has changed, but as I was sitting here listening to her talk ad nauseum to everyone here in Moleville, she kept laughing. And finally I placed what her laugh sounds like. You know how Barney Rubble laughs, right? Well give Barney's laugh about a half dose of helium, and voila! That is Asian's laugh.

Also, after two whole weeks of blissful peace, JJ is back and Lord if she isn't making up for lost time than I went for a walk wearing a turtleneck sweater-dress and some nice strappy sensible pumps the other day. So I don't know what is going to happen today, but it should be interesting to say the least.

Okay, so Asian, after harassing EVERYBODY else in the hospital, came down to chirp and cluck at all of us. And when the Alpha Hen starts clucking, the rest will surely follow. And. They. Did. So after all the usual chit chat, she is about to leave when *EPIPHANY* she decided to share with us what she gleaned from her daughter's schoolbooks last night. BTW - I am pretty sure that her daughter is in either Elementary school or Middle school. So what that says about the learning curve in that household I will leave up to your final judgement. She started telling us that "It wasn't just the Jews that Hitler killed you know".

...Yes, I did. I actually have a personal stake in this. But I would think that most everybody who does not subscribe to the Mel Gibson "Holo-what?" school of thought is aware that it hasn't just Jewish people hunted down and tortured and murdered. Gypsies (my Momma's side of the family. Where do you think the name came from?) were killed too. In fact, more Gypsies were killed per capita than Jews were. Hell, my mother would be an endangered species if Gypsies were not people (Gypsies are made of people! THEY'RE MADE OF PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Sorry, couldn't resist that one. Anyway (and this is where I had to stop myself from giggling. Really, it isn't the subject matter, it was the delivery), than she started talking about how he killed all the "cripples". AND "the gays". Yup. "The GAYS". And the way she said it made it sound like she was putting the quotes around it. The best way to describe it is as if a really old person was talking about how her friend got "the cancer", in that semi whisper way of speaking, like you are afraid that if you say it out loud, you'll get it too. Asian obviously doesn't want to "catch gay", so she said it like that, rather affected.

Oh, and she also learned that Hitler committed suicide, which means he can't go to Heaven (yes that is a quote). Because I am sure THAT is what kept him out. Fear mongering? War-hawking? STATE SPONSORED GENOCIDE? Yeah, God let those go into the Holy Shredder. But put a gun to your head and hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to Hell you go!

Personally I am willing to bet that at best old Adolph was rather far back on the waiting list, to say the least. Being forced to sit at the bar while those with reservations get seated at the table with the Father. Yeah, and that is being generous. More than likely he is in Hell being forced to prepare meat according to the strictest Kosher standards, while those who were lame here on Earth dance around him and "the gays" stand there and constantly ridicule his fashion sense and choice of window treatments.

So that was fun.

Also, as mentioned earlier, JJ is back, back with a VENGEANCE! And she is in rare form. So far I have heard about how the sun room is almost finished, how she is going to wait to furnish said room until she and her "I don't know what I did in a past life but for the love of God I am SORRY!" husband go vacationing in the Adirondacks this winter. Because nothing says fun vacation like having to lug hundreds or thousands of dollars of furniture hundred's of miles.

The last ten minutes of personal bliss has been spent listening to her and the Wonder Twins talk about pants shopping. She just said "I'm not tall, but I have a large crotch measure. Sometimes I have to buy a size bigger because of the zipper. Because when you sit down you push out. Ouch."


And just to make sure you are suffering like me, just picture a turkey necked old lady with the body of saggy Hershey's Kiss (she just keeps getting wider as you move towards the feet. Not to unlike Jabba the Hut really). And now picture this woman going COMMANDO and then sitting down. You realize quickly that she is in pain because she immediately starts to adjust the offended area.

You're welcome.

Also, she apparently thought she was done with March's charts, but it seems this is not the case. Because whenever she is not regaling us with EVERY POSSIBLE PIECE OF MINUTIAE REGARDING HER TRIP she keeps muttering to herself about how there are charts from March and she was sure that they were all done and did they give her charts twice and oh my goodness...

...And they ask me why I drink.

BSR (still waiting on your responses to this)


  1. I'd drink to... after reading that, I want to drink. So in the great cause of revenge...

    At least she didn't continue on her pants shopping rant by moving on to underwear... stating that thongs just don't work for her cause they never make the backend long enough and so it pulls at her front funny...

    You're welcome 0:-)

  2. Anonymous4:40 PM

    See what I'm saying. Where do they get these people Asian, WW and World News Report from? She 's going to catch the gays. Well at least they are teaching our children more than most of us know about the Holocaust