Monday, April 17, 2006

The dangers of assumption

I just got to type the word "ass", but since it is in the middle of a bigger, safe word, it is okay. I love technicalities.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with you all a conversation that Wifey and I just had on Yahoo IM. Please note that I am not in any way compensated for my mention of Yahoo IM or mentioning that my wife and I use it almost every day because we are both at work and this way we can spend a little virtual time together. I am not a paid endorser. Not by my choice mind you. I would gladly take any pittance they would offer me. I have said before and I will say again, I am relatively young, relatively newly married, and relatively broke. And my relatives will no longer loan me money, so I will accept it from any viable source. So here you go, here is the conversation...

wifey: Well there's sun out now and I'm going for a walk in about 15 minutes.
wifey: Okay.
BSR: hey, I am back
BSR: you back yet?
w: yay!
w: I am now.
w: It's HOT outside.
BSR: it is warm, yes
BSR: but I don't think I would say it is "hot"
w: Yes.
w: You didn't just go walking. In turtleneck sweater dress.
w: It's hot.
BSR: you don't know that I didn't do that.
BSR: Don't Assume.
w: You didn't.
w: Uh huh.
BSR: have you been here with me all day?
BSR: Is it possible that I went shopping?
BSR: Maybe at Fashion Bug or the Avenue?
BSR: Is it not possible that I got some sensible pumps?
w: You bought a turtleneck dress.
w: Something strappy and flattering to the ankles?
BSR: and that I went for a walk because I felt so free and alive?
BSR: I didn't say that I DID, I'm just saying that you don't know if I didn't.
w: Strappy and flattering to the ankles eh?
w: Free. And. Alive.?
w: Oh dear. Lord.

Now what are we to learn from that?

1. That I am more than willing to embarass (I got to type "ass" again) myself for both friends and strangers in order to get a chuckle.
2. I am not afraid to put an image in your head of me in a turtleneck sweater dress and fashionable strappy pumps, and if you know what I look like, you know how brave that thought is for me, and how nauseating it might be for you.
3. If my current career goals do not pan out, I have a possible second career as the host of Straight Eye for the Portly Cross Dressing Guy.
That I can pull off typing the word "strappy" and still feel okay with myself (no small feat really).

And before I go, one final update...
According to wifey, after the alarm went off today, I accused her (in my sleep) of trying to kill me. I know she is trying to kill me. She thinks I have the wealth of Raymond Burr and the aim of Aaron Burr. I in fact have the wealth equivalent to Ray Romano's acting ability and the aim of flouride toothpaste.

Lastly, Wifey just added an additional; post to the IM, one that I think ties up a lot, not so much here as in general. Here it is...

Boobies. Are. Sweaty.

...and to that I say...Thank you Lord for the impromptu wet t-shirt contest you have given me. Truly you do love me to bless me with dinner AND a show.

BSR luvs sweaty boobies!

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