Tuesday, April 18, 2006

My life on display. Or, My wife uses me to make her co-workers snort.

I know, long title. Before I begin my ranting, I want to steal two things I just read on www.baltimoresun.com on Rick Maese's blog. One is a quote from him, and he other is a quote he pulled from a New York sportswriter. First his own quote...

The worst thing a blogger can do is continually apologize for his absence. So let's just skip that. I'm back blogging. I'll be here every day. Enjoy the veal. Let's get right into it...

So no more apologizing from me if I go off the radar for a few weeks. TPPBBBTTTTHHH!

Secondly (and much funnier IMHO)...

Two weeks into the season and Jorge Julio has already worn out his big welcome in the Big Apple.
Check out this excerpt from Joel Sherman of the NY Post in Sunday's newspaper:
Jorge Julio provoked the largest Saturday home crowd in Mets history to actually chant "Bring back Benson," though it never specified Kris, Anna or the 1980s sitcom. At this point, any of those would be more acceptable. All is forgiven, Anna; maybe that low-cut Mrs. Claus outfit was not so bad. After all, Anna's big mouth was never going to hurt the Mets as much as Julio's bigger ERA.

Now I would like to say something here. And since this is my blog, I will. TPPBBBTTTTHHH!

(and if you are not a sports fan or not a baseball fan or care not for my opinions on Baltimore and its sports scene, please feel free to scan past this and move to the section wherein the title will actually make sense)

1) I was not one of the people who had a problem giving up Julio for Benson. A few people did. They were and in all likelihood still are morons. They should not be allowed to voice their opinions on anything that is of interest to me, because they will just annoy me again, and not capitulate when they are proven wrong. Shakespeare probably said it best when he said "Verily thou are a stupid head". And he used it in iambic pentameter. Damn he was good.

2) I never wanted Benson to go off the air either. If for no other reason then Rene Ajouboudbvkjdf (or whatever the hell his last name is) needs to work without latex all over his face. And I was waiting for the Swedish lady to break out into a Madeline Kahn-like "I'm Tired" song EVERY time she was onscreen.

3) If Kris Benson doesn't have a problem with his wife dressing like a trollop, why the hell should it bother you? Personally, I am hoping my wife gets a good look at the Mrs. Claus outfit she wore (as well as some of those other outfits, like anything she has worn in FHM/Maxim/Stuff pictorial) and thinks to herself "I bet my husband would love to see me in that. Maybe I will wear it while I cook him a gourmet meal and he sits on the couch in his underwear scratching himself and belching. He is SOOOOO hot when he is yelling at the TV during a football game. It makes me want to service him when I see him in those boxer briefs with the holes, and when you add in that delicate scent of Miller Lite and chili on his breath, well I can't contain myself. I have to RAVISH him then"

You live in your world, I will live in mine. And before you ask, yes the sky is blue in my world. And the grass is green. And legal. And portly is just a word that describes going in a certain direction while at sea, just without as much commitment to the turn as if you had said "port".

Now, all about the title. Let me re-read it so I know what the hell I am supposed to be talking about. Oh yeah, I remember now.

It seems that Wifey has been having all of her female coworkers read this excursion into self gratification. Which brings me to another thought I wish my wife would have. It involves the Secretary Pool and a pool. But that is for another time...

So she has co-workers reading my blog (I still hate the word blog. Can you all help me? I think we need to come up with a new word, one to replace "blog". Please leave your suggestions in the comments section). According to her, they seem to like it, which is good. But the frogurt is cursed, which is bad (3 people will get that, and they are the ones who always quote that scene with me. I love inside jokes). But I feel a little weird knowing that a bunch of people who only know me from Wifey's description of me are now getting a view into my warped little mind. It is making me fear the Christmas Party, and that is a good 8 months away. And if there is any kind of summer cook-out for her company, well, just say a little prayer for me now, don't save it till the morning after.

One final thing before I go (although I am feeling the bug and may post again today if I get some good material from here. It is a distinct possibility), I want to give a quick shout out to the Lurker and her ninja pajamas that she wore to work yesterday. 99% of the people in this building could NOT have pulled that off. It was like Hugh Hefner's and Bruce Lee's closets made sweet love and her outfit was their precious child of their inseamed loins. So KUDOS to you Lurker. And Quaker Oats to the rest of you for being here.

I noticed yesterday that I ended my post by referring to myself in the third person, but not just in the third person, but with a nickname. And not just a nickname, but an abbreviation of said nickname. I looked at it today, and honestly, I didn't know how to feel about it. So when you submit your entry for the word that we will be using to replace "blog" (and one day we will get this word into the dictionary!), do ol' BSR a favor and let him know how you feel about him referring to himself as BSR (or maybe ol'BSR, but then I will have to start using phrases like "good buddy" and "breaker breaker". *shudder*)

3 comments:

  1. Belle aka Wifey1:28 PM

    I love you.
    But you ain't right.
    Hugh Hefner & Bruce Lee's closets?
    Are going to sue you for defamation of character.

    ReplyDelete
  2. cO. Monster3:54 PM

    I hate the word "blog" too. Something about the "bl", reminds me of "bleh" or "blah" but certainly nothing very nice. And then that "g" at the end? "Blah" + "Ugh", I tell you!

    I just thought of TRON-CHRON (elecTRONic CHRONicles) which I think sounds kind of cool, if a little clunky, in an old skool way.

    Or we could just call 'em Luther. Luther's a cool name, right?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well... the term blog is from combining the words Web Log...weblog... blog... you get it. Anyway, you could just call it your log. A lot more masculine than calling it your diary... plus it's not really so much a diary as a place for all your diatribes about life. But you know log sounds all cool and Star Trek Sci-Fi... You know... Captins Log-BSR date 4/19 or something. God I AM a nerd.. I'm gonna stop talking now

    Peace out

    ReplyDelete