Welcome...to the SAPPY

Okay, I am on the downward hill to 34. After that, it is 35 and then straight on to 40. In all seriousness, I am okay with that. I have never minded getting older. I always figured that it beat the alternative. But like any person, I have had to come to grips with the fact that I am not 25 any more and I cannot do what I used to. I cannot go out to the bar on Tuesday night, drink until close, get to bed at 3, wake up at 7 and get to work and actually perform my assigned tasks. Hell, I can barely stay up until 12 anymore without losing some serious functionability(and I don't care if that is a made up word. It works perfectly for what I need it for).

The big thing I have had to come to grips with is that my career is not where I thought it would be. I am not living as an actor, getting paid to entertain people. I also didn't plan on meeting Wifey and making the name more than just prophecy. I didn't plan on buying a house in the city and planning on raising a family (eventually, when I can get Wifey drunk enough to let me finish what we started without a thin layer of lubricated recycled tire in the way).

And this led me to the question that I had to answer: If I never accomplish what I had set out to do, if I am destined to live a life of anonymous servitude to unseen corporations, would I be happy? Is it enough?

What surprised me is how quickly I answered the question. I didn't have to think about it at all. The answer is yes. I may not have "made it" like I thought I was going to, but I made it like I found out I wanted to. Do I want to work 2 jobs, 65+ hours a week? Do I want to wear a polyester guards uniform and be laughed at by a bunch of Calvert Hall punkasses who are just waiting to turn 16 so Mommy and Daddy can buy them a new Hybrid or Jeep or whatever the cool car of the month is? No. Do I want to toil away in obscurity just for the "bitchin" pension plan and the corporate matched 401K (depending on the job)? Not really. But if I never move past this staion in my life, will I be able to look at myself in the mirror and be satisfied in who I am? Yup. Because I know that I am going to be a good father, and I will find a way to provide for my family, and anything else is gravy.

But that doesn't mean I will be satisfied performing at Spots when I am 55, doing "To Kill A Mockingbird" or "Fiddler On The Roof" AGAIN. I want to at least be doing the same old community theatre claptrap at Everyman. Is that too much to ask?

BSR