Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Morale Boosting the HR way!

At the time that I am beginning this post, it is exactly 12:10 pm. There are another 50 minutes to go at the Employee Cookout here at the hospital. Yes, they are having a cookout for all the employees who work here while they are working (sidebar to the ON crew here. Yes, we know you have quite possibly the toughest job of all balancing boredom with monitoring all of the patients and dealing with major issues while only having a skeleton crew. But there will be no burgers or corn on the cob for you. Go screw yourselves. That is all. Go enjoy your 5% differential pay. And remember, 5% of shit is still shit). Correct me if I am wrong, but shouldn't an employee cookout happen off site, maybe at some kind of public park? Maybe you schedule it on a Saturday or a Sunday, and if there are any employees who cannot attend because they will be at the hospital caring for the patients, you cook THEM some food out on the loading dock and take it to them. But not the WHOLE STAFF on some random Wednesday. And for me, "D" grade hamburger meat is not motivation. I am not going up to the assembly line to get my hamburger or hot dog or piece of chicken, my scoop of baked beans and "potato salad" (in quotes because of the reaction of the people I have seen eating it), my push pop style Italian ice and my half ear of corn on the cob. It looks like kids in line or school lunch, or to be more appropriate with the general attitude of the employees, like the chow line in the Army. Or maybe prison.

To put it in perspective, Wifey's company is having a cookout the week before our 1st wedding anniversary. On a weekday afternoon. At a park. With food and beer and (I imagine) tropical hookers. Or maybe that was tropical punch. Either way, it sounds yummy. And the chance to get trashed and completely embarrass Wifey in front of all of her colleagues and bosses is SOOOOOO tempting. But alas, I cannot get the time off of work to attend because of the time I have already requested off at Target because of the class/show at Gettysburg College I will be doing as well as the time off the following week for the anniversary. But THAT is how you do it. THAT is how you have a cookout for your employees. If we are going to be stuck here, just give us a voucher for a free meal in the cafeteria. Don't force government hot dogs down our collective gullets.

So, no cookout for me. I will gladly turn down the grape kool-aid in return for the ability to rail at the system whenever I feel the need to without being burdened by pangs of guilt for taking the handout. Fight the oppressors! Damn the man. SAVE THE EMPIRE!

Sugar High! Je t'adore mi amore! Anthony Lapaglia is the greatest drummer EVER!

1 comment:

  1. holy snikeys! my company had a *25th annual hot dog roast yesterday too. in the 2nd floor cafeteria area, not in a park. but they were tasty all beef dogs and we do have annual events at the zoo and stuff where folks get inebriated.

    just weird that your work had a similar thing on the same day, must be some corporate coordinating calendar out there.


    * there haven't actually been 25 and we didn't do it last year and may not next so 'annual' may be misleading