Wednesday, April 15, 2009

An open letter to Jenny

Dear Jenny,

We've probably never met.  I cannot say for sure, since I did not see you.  Or if I did, I did not know who you were, so you became another face in the crowd.  The only reason I know your name is because of what happened today.

You see, I am not a regular visitor of the Chick-fil-A franchise (which is another reason I think this might be fate).  In fact, I brought lunch from home to eat here at work, and had no intention of going anywhere besides the break room in order to use the microwave today.  But when I heard about the promotion that Chick-fil-A was offering (participating stores only - save your receipt from your purchase on April 15th, and starting on the 16th, you have anywhere from 2 weeks to 30 days to bring that receipt in and get all the same items all over again, for free.  I could not pass that up).  So I went to the local franchise store with my (and a couple of co worker's) order for lunch (I had no qualms picking it up for them, since it just added to my receipt total).  Everything went swimmingly until I walked back to my truck.  You see, you hadn't been parked in front of me when I arrived...

And this is how I not only know your name, but I am here to champion your cause.  For on the rear license plate of your 4 door Ford Focus sedan you had the license frame that proclaimed your vehicle is, in fact "Jenny's Shaggin' Wagon".

At first I feared unmitigated hubris in your statement, for how could ANYONE consider that small vehicle to be a wagon?  It lent itself to impossibility, and I was prepared to brush it off as so and move on with my life.  But then it occurred to me...what if she is in fact telling the truth?!?!?!?!?  Leaving the wagon part of the equation out of it, we are left with the fact that if this midsized vehicle is in fact your mecca of lovemaking that you must be at least double jointed in multiple places.  In fact, the only way I can picture this gas efficient ride as being the utopia of gratification that you claim it to be is if you are an Olympic level gymnast / contortionist.  And while I am a happily married man who has no desire to stray, I do profess that a video capturing your exploits would be a piece of cinema that I would like to peruse, mayhap even own outright.  Just to share in your gift.

So I leave you with this, my dear Jenny...please feel free to make your exploits cinema verite (I don't know how to put the accent over the "e" at the end of verite), and please forward them to me.  And in the meantime, if your vehicle is "a rockin' ", I shan't be "a knockin' ".


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