Lunch time politics

I work in a hospital. One of the unseen masses in the basement collecting money from insurance companies, patients, and whenever necessary, guys named Rocko. To be more exact, I handle the billing and collections for the dental office. Why is any of this at ALL important? Well, it probably isn't. But I am going to tell you about the wheeling and dealing and backstabbing of a major hospital, all in the realm of Halloween and bragging rights.

Every year the hospital has a Halloween costume/department decoration contest. The dental department REALLY likes winning this contest. They like winning ALL hospital contests. It's like a really big spirit squad with needles and laughing gas. Well, apparently last year they didn't win the Halloween contest (I say apparently because I was not hear last year at Halloween. But they have been grumbling about it and planning their conquest of the 2005 crown since March. I am NOT exaggerating.

Now as I said, I work for the dental department, but I am not in the dental office. I am in fact in the business office. Now both offices are trying to claim me and use me in the Halloween Party/Costume Show (and before you ask, it is not a children's hospital. THAT would make WAY too much sense). You see, I am an actor/comedian who has a day job to pay the bills (and a night job to pay the rest of them). Both offices are severely lacking in people who majored in theatre in college. Both think they can use me to make an ass of myself and win the prize (which is something like lunch from the cafeteria, but "catered" in the conference room. Balogna is so much more elegant on silver-looking plastic trays).

There is one thing they are not thinking about though. I do not act like an ass without proper motivation. Even the slimmest chance it will further my career as a performer, no problem. Trying to entertain a bunch of rad techs and physical therapists so I can have a sit down lunch worth about $2.39 / person retail? Not so much. Someone from one of the offices will have to sweeten the pot, or I will pull a Switzerland and call myself neutral. And make chocolate and watches. And hide stolen property in my unnamed bank accounts.

Excepting that all my bank accounts are empty.