Peter Marshall: So Paul, what do you think are the most popular names people are giving their children these days?
Paul Lynde: Apparently whatever they are shouting out during the conception.
Yes indeed-y folks and folk-ettes, it is time for another round of what is sure to become the internet's most inane look at the brain functions of modern Mid-Atlantic based parents...
It's a Child, not a Triple Word Score in Scrabble!!
Today we are going to play the special, not home version known as...
Screw it! Put An Apostrophe In There And Call It A Day!
...where we will look a a WHOLE bunch of names that have extra punctuation. Why? Because their parents are jackholes who don't believe in Spellcheck!
As always, these are real names from actual patients seen in my office...
- A'jah (bless you)
- A'kera (the g'host in the s'hell?)
- Assante' (so he is a possessive of himself?)
- Cam'ron (at least it is actually replacing a whole syllable here. Brevity IS the soul of wit)
- Bray'onna (what a donkey does?)
- Dan'te (why? what does it accomplish?)
- Da'Nyra (I have nothing for this one)
- Da'Sean (as opposed the the OTHER Sean)
- D'Asia (I wonder if the next kid will be "D'Antarctica")
- Da'zon (there should be an "e" on the end of this name, because that is what the parents were in when they named this one!)
- D'Chey (I bet you didn't know that ' = the letter "e". No wonder other countries find English so confusing!)
- D'ajia (and you can substitute "j" for "s" so you can have two kids with the same name, but different!)
- Dej'sha (it's a homophone phreakout!)
- De'montray (remove the apostrophe and you have a serving conveyance for the underworld)
- Deont'e (I said DO...I...STUTTER?!?!?)
- Des'Mon (best read in a Jamaican accent)
- D'zire (3 guesses where SHE is going to end up working!)
- Fara'jah (sounds like a title for a Middle Eastern royal family member)
- G'Niya (........)
- I're (either angry, or another Rastafarian wonder)
- Ja'kai (the younger sibling to Cobra Kai)
- Je'Bria (runny cheese?)
- J'von ( ' is also a useful substitute for "a")
- Kai'vron (I guess if you are making up names as you go, you can put an apostrophe any damn place you choose to)
- Kash'e (great cereal, crappy patient)
- La'chawn (I picture this as a label on an imitation soy sauce)
- Le'chawn (no relation, believe it or not)
- Ma'Niya (not yours!)
- Sad'e (not the singer, the morose vowel)
- Shi'kyme (I don't even know HOW to pronounce this one)
- Te'Shawn (when "De" is not good enough for YOUR child, use "Te"!)
- Tre'nia (I think she fought with Neo)
- Ty'quis (lolwut?)
- Ze'Vion (Awooooooo! Werewolves of London!)
And of course...
- Carl's Jr (that is NOT a typo. I pulled the chart and checked the cards. THAT is the kid's name. I just hope that there is another child, probably born somewhere in the Ozarks to a person who has heard of a magical place that even had a movie based on just GOING there, but has never been out of the mountains, and that child is named White Castle)
So there you have it, folks. Let the comments BEGIN!